I LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.! 



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I UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



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VfeliM% OT »AlAlM 





A RECORD 



Suffering and Triumph 



By JENNIE SMITH. 







CINCINNATI: 

HITCHCOCK AND WALDEN. 

Published for the Author. 
1876. 










Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1876, 

BY JENNIE SMITH, 

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE. 

INTRODUCTION, 5 

I. Birth and Early Impressions, . . 13 

II. My Father's Experience and Death, . . 22 

III.-Changes, . 29 

IV. Trials, 42 

V. Teaching School, 51 

VI. New Treatment, 57 

VII. Providences, 64 

VIII. Consolations, * 77 

IX. Afflictions, 88 

X. Enjoyments, . 97 

XL Home at Last, 113 

XII. Sad News, 122 

XIII. New Arrangements, 132 

XIV. Entire Consecration, . . . . 153 
XV. A Christian's Prayer, 161 

XVI. Special Providences, 175 

3 



4 CONTENTS. 

PAGE. 

XVII. Lessons Learned, 189 

XVIII. Prevailing Prayer, 201 

XIX. Blindness, 212 

XX. Removal to Dayton, f. . . 220 

XXI. God knows best, 250 

XXII. Labor and Rest, 269 



ILLUSTRATIONS. 



Portrait of the Author (Steel Engraving), Frontispiece. 
The Howard Weaver Mission School, ... 69 
Embury Park Camp-meeting Grounds, . . 263 




INTRODUCTION. 




1 O many persons the problem of suffering 
is almost impossible of solution. Such 
various questions arise about it, which 
unassisted nature can not answer satisfac- 
torily : why this? and whence the other? 
and to what end? and how that? Of those 
who have no inward, revealing light of the 
Spirit, no strong, living trust in God, some are 
stunned, dismayed, bewildered; and others are 
driven to doubt, and almost to despair. 

But to Christian faith none of these things 
are perplexing. It reckons of God with such 
unquestioning submission that impatience has no 
place, complaint and unhappiness no reason. 

Why the good, at times, suffer so severely, while 
the wicked are exempt; why some of them suffer so 
much more than others, — are facts which will find 
amplest explanation in eternity's light. Is it im- 
probable that reading such explanation, and finding 
such vindication of God's justice and love, will fur- 



i 

I 



6 INTRODUCTION. 

nish much of the bliss and the reward of the saved? 
Until then, faith awaits with patience the issues of 
time, and, with Job, exclaims, '-Though he slay me, 
yet will I trust in him;" or, with the prophet 
Habakkuk, sings: " Although the fig-tree shall not 
blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labor 
of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no 
meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and 
there shall be no herd in the stalls; yet I will rejoice 
in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation." 
Until then, faith and reason, Scripture and experi- 
ence, will see wisdom in all God's appointments, 
love in all life's allotments. 

Adversity is useful, both to him who suffers and 
to them who witness the suffering. The discipline 
of sorrow is to moral improvement what exercise is 
to muscle. Not wantonly, but lovingly; not reck- 
lessly,- but with infinite wisdom, — does God send 
affliction, or suffer it to be sent. All his appoint- 
ments for us are beneficent in design. Because he 
would have us "partakers of his holiness," because 
he chastens whom he loves, and scourges "every son 
whom he receiveth," come the smiting and the 
stripes. "What son is he whom the father chasten- 
eth not ?" There is a cold, speculative philosophy, 
which puts God at the distant end of the line of 
things, which prates of nature's laws, and second 
causes ; but there is no Christ in it. It yields no 
comfort. It brings no power of endurance. It kin- 
dles no hope. It depresses, rather than elevates. 



INTRODUCTION. 7 

But Christian faith puts God at the end of the line, 
nearest to us, and recognizes his goodness and 
mercy. 

(; Happy the man that sees a God employed 
In all the good or ill that checkers life." 

Faith brings happiness. Not now joyous, but 
grievous, are the sore temptations, nevertheless "they 
afterward yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness 
in them that are [properly] exercised thereby." In 
this view, "the trial of our faith is much more pre- 
cious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried 
as with fire." The process itself is fruitful of present 
good. "Tribulation worketh patience," and the in- 
ter-working and the co-working go forward to a rich, 
improved experience of God's power, in an assured, 
abounding hope of deliverance and victory, and in a 
courage which no disasters can blench and no dan- 
gers appall. x 

It is easier to do than to suffer; far easier is it to 
carry forward aggressive, earnest work for the Lord 
Jesus than passively to endure pain, and patiently to 
submit to buffeting, for Christ. Tribulation is a 
school, requiring patience. It is also, equally, a 
school where patience is learned, where some of its 
sublimest lessons are acquired and displayed. Pa- 
tience is hard to exercise. Yet its acquisition is one 
of the fruits of Christian suffering. Grace is wonder- 
fully magnified when it makes the soul calm in the 
tempest, fearless in the danger, and patient in tribu- 
lation. Without the suffering, the patience which 



8 INTRODUCTION. 

endures, and which cheerfully awaits die crowning 
day, could never be exercised nor exemplified. A 
gale sweeps down on the sea. Sails are reefed, the 
rigging is clewed, and while the good ship is scudding 
under bare poles, as though the hungry, yawning 
sea would ingulf her, patience calmly awaits the sub- 
sidence of the storm. The pliant reed bends to the 
blast, and rises again when the hurricane has passed 
by. The stubborn oak resists, and falls. The soul, 
chafed and fretted by successive trials, has need of 
a patience, born of faith, which unmurmuringly ac- 
cepts what can not be avoided, which cheerfully 
endures what can not be cured, and which hopefully 
abides what can not be changed. Thus bending to 
the storm, or sinking under the passing billow, pa- 
tience sublimely says, "Not my will, but thine, O 
God, be done!" and through the thick darkness which 
baffles human sight, faith looks up to God and says, 
"He knoweth the way that I take, and when he 
hath tried me I shall come forth as gold;" "Hope 
thou in God, my soul! for'I shall yet praise him who 
is the health of my countenance and my God." 

What grand lessons have we along this line ! Job 
had never been to all the ages the eminent example 
of long-suffering and patience that he was, but for 
the discipline of sorrow under which he passed. 
The lion's den and the fiery furnace teach us, as we 
never could otherwise have learned, that a sturdy 
maintenance of the right is incomparably better than 
base, cringing compliances. Moriah and its Abra- 



INTRODUCTION. 9 

hamic altar beautifully teach the power and glory of 
a sublime, obedient faith, which accepts God's will 
without a murmur of dissent or a moment of hesita- 
tion. The long catalogue of Paul's afflictions has 
brightened with unearthly glory the grand list of his 
godlike virtues. Every bond, every stripe, every 
treachery, every instance of fasting and nakedness 
and shipwreck and peril, form a rich setting for the 
jewels of his courage and constancy and love. All 
the martyrs and confessors for Christ, who have 
honored him in dungeons and on bloody wheels, 
have like him been made perfect through suffering 3 

''For sorrow is the atmosphere 
Which ripens hearts for heaven.''" 

Suffering with Jesus and for Jesus, with him shall 
they be glorified. Those who thus sigh here shall 
exult there ; those who are poor here shall be for- 
ever rich there. The cot of sickness, which weary 
nerves have pressed through years of agony, shall 
give place to the throne. The heavy, bitter cross 
shall bear us to our heaven; but it shall never enter 
there. The crown shall be worn, some time. 

"He always wins who sides with God; 
To him no chance is lost. 
God's will is sweetest to him, when 
It triumphs at his cost. 

Ill that he blesses is our good, 

And unblest good is ill; 
And all is right that seems most wrong, 

If it be his sweet will." 



10 INTRODUCTION. 

Not only thus. The ministration of affliction is 
beneficent to others than the afflicted. The light so 
shed is both guiding and comforting. Men take 
heart and hope, as they see examples of endurance 
and of patient faith. Suffering is the darkness which 
makes the coming light more lucid. It is the cloud 
which by contrast makes the sunshine more clear. 
Golgotha, Gethsemane, the crown of thorns, Cal- 
vary, and the cross, precede and procure salvation. 
Life comes of death. The rising follows the de- 
pression. The Valley of Baca, or the valley of 
weeping, as it becomes by divine grace a valley of 
light and blessing, is a lesson of faith and courage 
to those who may yet have to trace their way with 
their tears. This valley denotes affliction ; it sug- 
gests drought where water-streams should abound, 
and weeping and sorrow where smiles of gladness 
should be seen. In this valley, for eighteen years, 
the subject of the following pages traveled. Yet not 
alone nor friendless has she been. God has made 
the valley to her a place of the well-spring of life; 
the rains of his grace have "filled the pools. JJ And 
while God has thus displayed his loving-kindness and 
faithfulness to her, she has been greatly honored in 
leading others nearer to God. 

These views and thoughts, as to the nature and 
end of suffering, find beautiful illustration in the 
pages which follow. They contain a narrative of 
pain and suffering rarely, if ever, equaled; of cheer- 
ful patience, smiling on grief, through long years of 



INTRODUCTION. 1 1 

inexpressible agony; of a quenchless faith, which 
nothing could extinguish nor abate; of a tireless zeal 
for the Master's glory, which has won scores, proba- 
bly hundreds, to the service of Jesus and the hope 
of heaven; of a submission to the divine will, which 
has led thousands of Christians who have known 
her to a loftier trust in God and to a more absolute 
soul-rest. To a vast multitude, sister Jennie's cot 
has been a mount of blessing; her sick-chamber a 
Bethesda, indeed. She has been a member of Grace 
Methodist Episcopal Church, ' Dayton, Ohio, for 
years. As her pastor, I can most heartily make 
these high statements as to her deep piety and high 
Christian worth. 

It is believed that the publication of these annals 
of suffering and of triumph, of trial and of victory, 
will render extensive and permanent the life-long 
influence for good of sister Smith's example. In 
this faith, craving indulgence for its literary defects, 
and with earnest prayers for God's blessing both 
upon the book and all who may read it, this volume 
is cordially commended to the public. 

THOMAS H. PEARNE, 
Pastoi' of Grace Methodist Episcopal Church. 

Dayton, O., July, 1876. 



THE VALLEY OF BACA. 



dlikptef I. 



BIRTH AND EARLY IMPRESSIONS. 



"O Father, through life, 

With its billowy strife 
And its ocean of tremulous foam, 

Be our guardian and guide, 

Till full safe we may ride 
In the haven of heaven, our home." 

WAS born August 1 8, 1842, in Vi- 
enna, Clarke County, Ohio. My 
parents, James A. Smith and Eliza 
A. Barrett, were united in wedlock in 
1840. They had a family of nine chil- 
dren, of whom I am the eldest. My 
grand-parents were originally from New 
Jersey, but for many years were residents 
of Ohio. 

Mother is the only remaining member of a 
family of nine. Shortly after her marriage, she 

13 




14 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

took her parents to her home, feeling they could 
be better cared for there, as they were growing 
old and feeble. Her mother had for many years 
been afflicted with dropsy, and, three years be- 
fore her death, she had in addition a stroke of 
palsy, which rendered her perfectly helpless. 

In 1846, m\' parents moved to Middleburg, 
now Spring Hills, Champaign County, Ohio. 
The next Spring, my grandfather, a sister, and 
myself had the lung fever at the same time. 
After a week's sickness, grandfather fell asleep 
in Jesus. Three months afterward, the prattling 
idol of the family was called to join him in the 
realms above. 

My childhood days were very different from 
those of the younger children. Every wish was 
gratified, yet I often think I was not as happy 
and contented with my abundance of toys and 
playthings as they were with the simple tokens 
of love which they received. I cared little for 
books, but liked to work with the needle. 
Father tried to cultivate a taste for reading 
by subscribing for papers and books for me. 
Finally, The Children 's Friend proved success- 
ful, and was a great blessing. 

I became much interested in the story of a 
little girl who went to the Lord with her child- 
ish troubles, and found relief in times of dis- 



EARLY IMPRESSIONS. I 5 

tress. I soon felt a desire to follow her ex- 
ample. One lovely Summer afternoon I went 
with some playmates to a beautiful meadow. I 
remained by the mill-dam alone, while they re- 
turned for some playthings we had forgotten. 
As I stood on the bank and watched the rippling 
water as it plunged down the steep descent into 
the meadow below, and beheld the lovely land- 
scape that spread out before me, I wondered if 
God, who made all of these beautiful things, 
would really love a wicked little girl like me. 
I had often tried to fish, but never caught one. 
I thought of the little girl, and such a desire 
stole over me that I kneeled down upon the 
mill-dam, and asked God to let me catch just 
one fish. I then knew nothing about faith; but 
I baited my hook, and as I threw it in, I set 
my eye upon the cork, expecting to see it dip. 
In a few moments I drew out a large fish. This 
affected me very much. It was my first an-* 
swered prayer. From that time I seldom lay 
down at night without weeping over the sins of 
the day. I wanted to be good, but was so care- 
less and impulsive. 

While attending the Presbyterian Sabbath- 
school, my serious feelings were deepened by 
the instructions of Mrs. Sallie Wilson, a faith- 
ful worker in the Sunday-school cause. I also 



1 6 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

attended the Methodist school a few times. My 
teacher, Miss Z., asked me to commit to memory 
the fifteenth Psalm. After this I became very 
reckless ; but often, when tempted to do wrong, 
this Psalm would come to my mind. The death 
of a dear little brother, in 1855, affected me very 
much. I had a stronger desire than ever to be 
a good girl. I loved to hear religious conversa- 
tions, and was delighted to stay all night with a 
schoolmate where they had family prayers. 

In June, 1856, sickness caused me to reflect 
seriously on my sinful heart. Two months later 
there was a camp-meeting to be held near De- 
graff, Ohio, and for weeks my waking thoughts 
were of this. One day a schoolmate, J. M., 
said to me: 

"Do you ever think of dying? Don't you 
want to be a better girl? I want to be a better 
boy, and, if I live, I intend to unite with the 
Church at camp-meeting." 

Before the meeting he sickened and died. 
His death drove convictions deeper into my 
heart, and made me more anxious to attend the 
meeting. Mother, who was much concerned 
about my spiritual welfare, gained father's con- 
sent for me to go. I then went to Mother 
Leonard's to see if I could go with them. She 
told me they had not room to take me. 



EARLY IMPRESSIONS. 1/ 

I was hungering and thirsting after righteous- 
ness, and felt that my only hope was in going to 
this meeting. My heart was sad. I started 
down-stairs, but furned and looked again. She 
was gazing at me over her spectacles with a look 
I shall never forget. I said : 

"Grandma, I don't want to go just for the 
sake of going." 

She replied, 

"God bless you, my child. You shall go if 
I have to stay at home." 

We went on Saturday. When I entered the 
camp-ground, the evil spirit seemed to take pos- 
session of me. I tried to resist all religious in- 
fluences, and did not want my associates to know 
my object in coming. On Sabbath I felt dis- 
tressed, and avoided every one. I was com- 
pelled to go home that evening; but on Mon- 
day father let some friends take our carriage. 
So I returned with them. In the evening they 
went home. Oh, the lonely, depressed feeling as 
I watched them go! It seemed that 

"Clouds of thickest blackness gathered 
O'er my soul's dark sea of sin, 
And the gate of heaven was guarded 
From my guilty entrance in." 

I then took my seat in the congregation. 
Rev. Thos. H. Wilson preached from Psalm 

2 



1 8 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

cxix, iS: "Open thou mine eyes, that I may 
behold wondrous things out of thy law." I 
was deeply impressed on returning to the tent. 
Mary Z. followed, and found me in great agony 
of soul. She called in two or three of the 
preachers, who held a prayer-meeting and con- 
versed with me and other burdened souls. 

On Tuesday before the meeting closed, an op- 
portunity was given for persons desiring to unite 
with the Church to do so. In offering myself 
for membership, I felt relieved, knowing I had 
taken one step in the path of duty. Although I 
knew the Methodist Church was not my father's 
choice, I was anxious to get home. At the gate 
Father Leonard took my hand, and, with tears 
in his eyes, said, 

"My child, go home and let your life be 
such that your father will be convinced that you 
are in earnest. You may be the means of bring- 
ing him to the Savior." 

I soon found the news that I had been re- 
ceived into the Church had reached father. He 
said nothing, but watched me closely. He was 
an affectionate father, and I knew he would be 
pleased if I proved faithful. My first class-leader, 
Brother Haines, and other good friends very 
often gave me words of encouragement. Oh, how 
much the young and feeble in the cause of Christ 



EARLY IMPRESSIONS. 



!9 



need the kind words and admonition of the older 
in the cause. I was induced to take a class of 
little girls in the Sabbath-school, and became 
much interested in them. A little girl came into 
the class who had never entered a Protestant 
Church before. I taught her to read, and she 
grew to be a lovely young lady. Although an 
invalid for years, she has been supported by 
grace through deep trials. 

Father had been for many years a successful 
merchant, but from losses through securities and 
ill health he failed, and was obliged to sell his 
store and other property at a great sacrifice, re- 
serving a little cottage next to the store-room, 
into which we moved in 1857. ^ e h a d learned 
the art of photography, but as he was a great 
sufferer from the asthma, his health would not 
permit him to attend to the business. Two 
young men rented our rooms and engaged him 
to instruct them in the dry-goods business. 

As mother's health was -poor, I was ambitious 
to save all I could, and did the family washing 
every other week myself. One wash-morning in 
May a load of hay came. Father not being able 
to leave his room sent me into the store for a 
man to put it away. He was not in, and no one 
else I would ask. I stood in the wareroom door 
a moment, as I thought of girls in the country 



20 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

who did such work, I concluded I could do as 
much as they, so down to the barn I went. I 
had to work hard to keep the strong farmer from 
covering me with the hay, and before the load 
was half in I felt my back give way. Soon a 
man came by who finished the work. I was 
quite sick, but after resting I felt better. 

My parents reproved me sharply when they 
found what I had been doing, and forbade my 
washing that day. Sadly have I learned that 
"disobedience is a source of misery." I went 
to work and put out a washing for ten persons. 
The line broke, and many of the clothes had to 
be rewashed. While lifting a heavy tub my back 
was again wrenched. I suffered very much, but 
finished my work and prepared for company. 
This was the last day I was able to do work. 
Although I kept up for some days, I was sud- 
denly taken very ill. The physician at once told 
father I had typhoid fever. I knew no one for 
weeks. My life was despaired of, and friends 
sent for three times to see me, as they feared my 
last moments had come. One day when I had 
been sick about two months I complained of 
being so tired, and thought it was hard to be 
sick so long. My nurse said to me, "Och, my 
child, wait till ye lays in bed one year, then ye 
can talk about bein' tired." 



EARLY IMPRESSIONS. 21 

In amazement I said, "Why, Aunt Bridget, 
did you ever know any body to be sick a year? 
I don't believe I could live that long." 

"Yes, indade ye could, for I was sick a whole 
year, and niver walked a step." 

It was soon discovered the fever had settled in 
my back and had produced a confirmed case of 
spinal disease. 

About this time a marriage engagement, made 
the previous year, was broken off. Many times 
have I been made to rejoice in that preventing 
providence. Even with health I was too young 
to settle down for life. Besides, I did not then 
realize to what an extent I was influenced by 
circumstances and appearances. When the test 
came it cost but a slight struggle to give it all up. 




Chaptei' II. 



MY FATHER S EXPERIENCE AND DEATH. 

S^SK URIXG the* six months I was unable to 






9 mmS f leave my room, my mind was much 
5 : j |f^° exercised with regard to my spiritual 
JoS^ state - I wanted a clearer evidence that I 
cfc was a child of God. Father was failing so 
( rapidly, our anxiety about his spiritual wel- 
fare was great. We feared he was depending too 
much upon his morality to save him. For weeks 
I had been impressed that it was my duty to 
erect a family altar. I tried to excuse myself 
with every plea until I was on the verge of de- 
spair. One morning I begged the Lord to open 
the way and I would gladly walk therein, bearing 
the cross, heavy though it should be. After that 
prayer I was more composed, and during the da}' 
waited with longing heart. 

In the evening, while the family were seated 
around the fire and I was reading to them, father 
suddenly left the room. We were surprised, for 



MY FATHER'S EXPERIENCE AND DEATH. 23 

he had been scarcely able to walk. Mother said, 
"Where has he gone?" They hastened to look 
for him, but he was not in the house, and did not 
answer their calls. Mother took the light to the 
door, and there, in the wood-house, she saw our 
dear father, with a rope in his hand, preparing to 
commit the fatal deed. Her screams brought us 
to the door. When I saw him the way was clear, 
our duty plain. I said, "Mother, I know what 
it is for!" She replied, "Oh, my child, what can 
it be for !" I answered, ' ' We must do our duty. " 

That evening, the family altar was erected in 
our home. The cross was light, and the blessed- 
ness of having done my Master's will was sweet- 
ness to my heart. 

For some time father did not seem to realize 
what was occurring around him. This was the 
first intimation we had that he was so severely 
tempted. The next day he asked mother why 
we became alarmed so easily. She told him the 
alarm seemed like a voice from God. He said, 
"It must be he sent you, for in five minutes the 
deed would have been done. It was a tempta- 
tion from the enemy, but don't be uneasy now, 
for I know it was permitted in order to show me 
myself as I am and bring me to my Savior." 

As the excitement wore off, the burden of my 
duty increased. I had committed myself, and 



24 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

felt I must bear the cross, or I would never re- 
ceive the evidence I desired of father's accept- 
ance. I was weighed down, and it seemed im- 
possible to take up the load without some word 
of encouragement from him. 

The next morning our near neighbor, Mrs. 
Hopkins, came in. She was one of those dear 
Christian women .whose schooling in affliction had 
prepared her to sympathize with those who are in 
trouble. I had not been out of the house for 
more than six months, but she invited me to 
take tea with them that evening, as our pastor, 
Rev. Mr. Oldfield, would be present. Mother, 
in the meantime, had told her of our affliction. 
I could not converse with her on this subject, 
but felt it would be a relief to advise with some 
one. The nearer the evening approached, the 
more I was tempted to shrink from my duty. I 
could not pray with the feeling I desired — my 
heart was so heavily burdened. While at tea*, I 
looked at my pastor and thought: If I can not 
advise with him, who is there upon earth with 
whom I can consult? So after tea I requested 
an interview. I went back to my first convic- 
tions concerning family prayers, and frankly told 
him my experience. To my story he listened 
with tearful eyes; then, invoking a blessing upon 
me, he admonished me to do my duty, or results 



MY FATHER'S EXPERIENCE AND DEATH. 25 

might be terrible. I returned home feeling de- 
termined to follow his advice. Father was look- 
ing better, and rejoiced to think I could once 
more be out. 

In the evening Brother Coulter, one of his 
warm friends, came in. After a pleasant conver- 
sation, mother handed him the Bible. He read 
a chapter, and made an earnest, touching prayer. 
Next day father was not so well, and my depres- 
sion returned. Later in the day a dear old 
mother in Israel came to stay all night. I dared 
not ask her to pray, and had not the courage to 
do so myself. Father looked at me several 
times, then called me to him, and, looking in my 
face — a look I shall never forget — said : ' i My 
child, it is time to read; you must do your duty. M 
What encouragement these words gave ! From 
that time until his death (nearly three months) 
he would not allow the practice to be neglected. 
In a short time he gave bright evidence of his 
acceptance with God; and we rejoice to know he 
is now at home in glory. His great regret was 
that he. had not united with some Church, as an 
example to his children, if he could not with the 
Church of his choice. 

At this time mother's health was such as to 
cause doubts in the mind of the physician con- 
cerning her. Frequently during father's illness 



26 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

he would speak to me about the dear children, 
and try to explain to me their different disposi- 
tions. He and mother feared I was soon to be 
left to fill their places. One day he said: "My 
child, there is a heavy responsibility resting on 
you as the oldest of the children ; do let your 
example be such as will be safe for them to fol- 
low. And, above all, be kind to your dear 
mother, and comfort her in her affliction." On 
another occasion he laid his -hand on Fannie' s 
head and said: "God bless my baby; she will 
soon have no papa." To leave his family in 
destitute circumstances w r as his trouble ; yet he 
continually cast all into the hands of Him who 
heareth the young ravens when they cry, and 
knoweth what is committed to him. 

The day before he died he made all arrange- 
ments for his burial, and gave all needed instruc- 
tion with regard to his business, as calmly as 
though preparing for a journey. Near midnight 
mother called us, and the physician was sent for. 
Father's mind seemed wandering, but toward 
morning he sank into a stupor and remained so 
until noon, when, to all appearance, he died. I 
had never seen him sleep lying down, but always 
in a sitting posture. His body was laid straight 
upon the bed, and the friends were preparing to 
dress him for the coffin, when mother noticed a 



MY FATHER'S EXPERIENCE AND DEATH. 2J 

fluttering pulsation in his neck. They immedi- 
ately raised his head. He opened his eyes, be- 
gan to talk, and called for something to eat. He 
ate with relish, said he had no pain, kissed us all, 
and inquired about some friends. Mr. M. called 
in response to his inquiries, and said: "Mr. 
Smith, your suffering time is almost over." He 
said: "So you think I'll not be here long. 
Well, it is all well ; but it is hard to leave my 
family in such a helpless condition." Mother 
said: "The Lord will provide for us. I only 
want to know that your peace is made with 
Jesus, and that you are willing to go." He 
said: "Yes, mother; I have that hope, and shall 
soon rest with those who have gone before." 
He then sank again into a stupor, and passed 
away without a struggle. 

I was lying down when they told me he was 
dead, but for some time could not realize the 
fact. Yet our hearts were comforted and our 
burden lightened when we thought of the happy 
change compared to what it would have been 
three months before. Though earth had lost a 
sojourner, heaven had gained a resident. 

The funeral services were held in the Presby- 
terian Church. I was barely able to attend. 
After we returned home, while we were seated 
around the fire, brother Dicky, who had crept 



28 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

behind the stove, burst into tears and cried, "Oh, 
what will we do without poor papa? Can't he 
come back again?" 

Mr. Melhorn w r as appointed administrator. 
The day of the sale was a sad day, for there 
were many sacrifices to be made. Precious 
memories were associated with many articles of 
the household, which must be sold. But these 
were given up, and our friends of former days 
flocked around and offered us sympathy and 
help. 




ClVaptef III. 



CHANGES. 




"I will bring the blind by a way that they know not; I 
will lead them in paths that they have not known ; I will 
make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. 
These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." 

HREE weeks from the day father was 
buried I was taken with a severe attack 
of bilious fever. For a time my friends 
despaired of my life. In the treatment I 
i was salivated. Mother was deeply dis- 
tressed. She felt she could not give me 
up, as I was the only child old enough to com- 
fort her in her bereavement. Aunt Bridget re- 
mained with us until I was so far recovered that 
I could sit up. Father had made arrangements 
before his death to have my teeth filled, and I 
attended to it promptly. I did so too soon after 
I was salivated, and the resulting inflammation 
caused me trouble throughout the Summer. 

In June, mother was taken sick. I was not 

29 



30 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

able to walk alone, and was so anxious about 
her, I did not give myself a chance to recover 
strength. When I learned that mother was safe, 
I felt that a new life had dawned upon us. Our 
hearts poured forth praises to the God of all our 
mercies, who has promised to be a father to the 
fatherless. I was completely overcome when I 
went to mother's room and saw beside her such 
a complete image of the dear face that had gone 
from our view. I wrote to Uncle Caleb Barrett, 
who was our nearest and dearest earthly friend. 
He replied: "We should be exceedingly grate- 
ful, dear sister. There are many in the world 
who would give ten thousand dollars for such a 
boy, and some day you will realize that your 
greatest sorrow 7 w r ill be your greatest blessing." 
After this I had another severe attack of 
sickness; but after September 1st I improved 
so rapidly that I was soon able to go about. I 
then felt I must prepare for making a livelihood. 
November 1st I started to school. As I re- 
gained my strength and became interested in 
things of the world, I lost to a great degree 
my zeal in spiritual affairs. I took part in pleas- 
ures calculated to draw the mind from devotional 
exercises, and soon found I cared less for prayer 
and class-meetings. I was full of life and seem- 
ingly quite well, though still a cripple. I was 



CHANGES. 31 

forcibly reminded of this fact one day in the 
school-room. In addition to the old seats, some 
improved ones had been put in. My teacher 
insisted upon my taking a new one, as it was 
more comfortable. I saw there would be dis- 
satisfaction if I did, so I declined. He then 
proposed . we draw cuts. Unfortunately, I got 
the seat coveted by others. Several times such 
remarks as the following greeted my ears: "Dear 
me! but new seats are good for lame backs." 
"I reckon if more of us had spinal disease, we 
could have new seats, too, as they are so good for 
cripples." Invalids and cripples often have to 
bear stings from thoughtless, yet cutting, re- 
marks of the strong and healthy. 

Between Christmas and New Year I remained 
at home to help mother. As I wanted to be 
out of school but one day, I worked very hard 
to finish my work. I felt unusually well and full 
of life. The next was a delightful Winter morn- 
ing, and, though I felt strangely in school, I 
took a sleigh-ride at recess. On returning to 
the school-room, I fainted, and was taken home 
insensible. For many weeks I was very sick, 
and was not on my feet again for eighteen 
months. I was so low most of the time that 
I could not be left alone day or night. 

After a time I recovered so I could piece 



32 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

quilts, and I then learned to crochet. I had 
learned needle-work when I was nine years old. 
I often prize the instructions then received, as 
they gave me an insight into fancy work, which 
has been so valuable to me since I have been 
helpless. 

In the Spring, the baby, then nine months 
old, became very sick, and for many months had 
to be carried on a pillow. He w r as two years 
and a half old before he was strong enough to 
walk. 

For a short season I was almost rebellious. 
I could not feel resigned to our heavy afflictions, 
and thought our friends cold-hearted when they 
told us all was permitted for our good. I bless 
God we have long since learned that "all things 
work together for good to them that love God." 
I had broken the laws of nature and must suffer 
the consequence, but thought it cruel that such 
was the case. The trouble was, my love had 
grown cold ; I could not look at our afflictions 
in the right light. There would only be an in- 
terval of a few weeks between my sick spells, 
and their violence increased. I became so nerv- 
ous and sensitive to the least noise that it was 
necessary for mother to have an extra door 
made, and move me into a back room. It was 
a cozy little place; but I could only see the 



CHANGES. 33 

limb of a large apple-tree, which shut the lovely 
sky from my view. I remained in this room some 
months. The robins that built their nests in the 
tree were company for me. One of my happiest 
Fourth of Julys was when they moved me into 
the front room. I felt like a bird set free. With 
childish delight I watched the floating clouds. 
My heart thrilled with gratitude for the privilege 
of beholding this much of nature's beauties. 

I remained quite weil for some weeks, then 
was taken worse than ever. The physicians tried 
every means within their knowledge, and sub- 
jected me to almost every species of torture ; but 
without the desired effect. My friends advised 
that I should be taken to a water-cure near Co- 
lumbus, and gave a helping hand by assisting 
to defray expenses. I was taken on a lounge. 
It was like a funeral when w r e left home, for 
nearly all thought my return was doubtful. Mrs. 
M. went with us. I was too weak when we ar- 
rived at my uncle's in Columbus to be taken 
directly to the water-cure. The friends there 
were anxious to try Dr. Freeman, and finally 
prevailed upon us to send for him. Mother had 
to return in a short time to the sick babe she 
had left, and went home with a sad heart, al- 
though she knew my dear uncle and aunt would 
kindly care for me. 

3 » 



34 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Dr. Freeman's treatment proved effectual, 
and in a few months I was able to walk with 
crutches, and returned home, I continued under 
Dr. Freeman's treatment, and took out- door ex- 
ercise until I could walk without crutches. In 
June I went to Clarke County to take Brother 
Dicky to live with Aunt Fannie. I remained in 
the country some weeks, and spent some time in 
Springfield. 

On my return home, in August, I found our 
village ladies all excitement about making ar- 
ticles for the soldiers. I had caught the enthu- 
siasm while at Springfield, and a young lady and 
myself took a large traveling basket and started 
out begging material to make and fill pocket- 
cases. We were very successful, and in a short 
time had a number completed. After this ex- 
perience, every boy that went out of our village 
must have a thread-case. Many pleasant memo- 
ries are connected with the making and giving of 
these little mementos. 

I continued to improve, and, by being careful, 
could walk quite a distance, and always felt better 
when out of doors. Traveling seemed to give 
me strength, and I made several visits — one to 
Camp Corwin, Dayton, Ohio. Three of us went 
in a carriage. The grand scenery, the kind 
friends we met, the novelty of seeing the camp, 



CHANGES. 35 

and the pleasure of meeting our boys once more, 
caused thanks to arise in my heart that I was 
permitted to make the trip. We spent the day 
at camp, went to the city over night, and re- 
turned the next morning in time for divine serv- 
ice, it being the Sabbath. It was a day I shall 
never forget, and the last the boys spent in Ohio. 
Our sad good-byes were said, and we returned 
home. 

After this I felt so much better that I deter- 
mined to go to work; but I could accomplish 
but little. House-work of every kind seemed to 
be an injury to me. This Fall our friends in- 
sisted that we should have a wood-chopping; 
and well they showed they had not forgotten us 
by the goodly number that came. They cut 
and hauled enough to last us a year. For several 
years they repeated this kindness, frequently 
bringing handsome donations. 

We owed much to our kind administrator 
and his wife. Brother Jimmy, though only ten 
years old, was doing all he could to help mother. 
He would come from his work and sit with us 
of nights, and looked after our wants with as 
much interest as a man. 

About this time I became alarmed at my 
spiritual condition, and longed more than ever 
for peace and joy in believing. My heart 



36 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

yearned for that which I had not yet enjoyed. 
I was heart-sick of living a half-way Christian. 
I felt that I was a stumbling-block to others; 
that I had the form of godliness without the 
power. The Savior's words, "For I say unto 
you, except your righteousness exceed the 
righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye 
shall in no case enter into the kingdom r of 
heaven," lay heavily upon my mind. Finally, 
our pastor, Rev. Mr. Stubbs, commenced a pro- 
tracted meeting. With the anxiety for myself, 
there was also an increased interest in my heart 
for the souls of others. I was led to labor with 
inquiring souls, and had great liberty while 
pleading for them, but had not the faith that 
would lay hold of the promise for myself. 

One morning after meeting brother Phinegar 
came to me and said, "You must go home with 
us, as a sled load of the mourners are going out." 
One of them had stayed with me the night before, 
and we had slept but little; Ave could almost 
say that we had "wrestled till the break of da)'." 
We went and had a meeting long to be remem- 
bered. When w r e started back to evening serv- 
ices I felt more than ever burdened with my 
load of sin. As those of our company who were 
happy were singing the songs of Zion, it grated 
upon my feelings, and I longed for them to stop. 



CHANGES. 37 

I concluded there was no mercy for me, and 
before we reached the church I resolved to have 
my name taken from the class-book. I was 
tempted not to go in, but before I knew what I 
was doing, I was going up the aisle. I went as far 
into the amen corner as I could get. I laid my 
head on the seat in front of me, and was soon 
lost in meditation. I tried to think what would 
be my condition out of the Church, where I had 
long felt at home, what reproach the course I 
had in view would bring upon the cause that I 
felt was sacred to my heart. Then the doom of 
the" lost came before me. All this was more 
than I could endure. From my horrid reverie I 
was aroused by the congregation rising to sing. 
At this instant I realized, as never before, the 
sufferings of my Savior, and felt for me, the chief 
of sinners, Jesus died. Right then and there I 
let go all and clung to the cross alone. That 
moment I was saved and the burden was gone. 
My peace then flowed as a river. The next 
morning I was able to say, "Come, ye that fear 
the Lord, and I will declare what he hath done 
for my soul. He hath brought me up out of an 
horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and hath set 
my feet upon a rock, and hath put a new song 
into my mouth, even praise unto our God." 
I now felt the necessity of being again at 



38 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

work. I could not do much with my limited edu- 
cation, and expressed my feelings to our village 
teacher, Mr. Mowery, who became interested, and 
kindly offered assistance. I attended his arith- 
metic class at night and a short time each day. 

Mother was away nursing a sick lady. I tried 
to keep sister Sally in school and also study 
myself, but soon found that it was wearing upon 
me. Mother became very uneasy, and as soon 
as possible left her patient and came home. She 
seemed to have a presentiment that I would have 
a relapse. She fretted because she had been 
obliged to leave me to do so much at home. 
She returned on Monday. In the evening I was 
hardly able to be up, because of a burning fever. 
Tuesday morning I felt still more languid, yet 
succeeded in getting up and going out to break- 
fast. I was alternately up and down all that 
day. On Wednesday, February 24, 1862, I 
arose, partially dressed myself, and started for 
the door, but took only a few steps when I began 
to reel. Mother caught me and laid me back on 
the bed perfectly helpless. That was the last 
time I stood on my feet. 

The violence of the fever increased. The phy- 
sician commenced cupping me and using ice on 
the back of my head. I was unconscious most 
of the time. The day after I was taken down 



CHANGES. 39 

Mr. D. Pitman sent us a basket of groceries. We 
were grateful indeed. It cheered us and encour- 
aged our trust in God. That basket, with many 
others, will never, be forgotten. I knew all that 
occurred, and realized that I was rapidly sink- 
ing, as it seemed, into the arms of death. The 
physicians held a consultation and said they 
could do nothing more for me. All at once 
every pain ceased; there seemed to be no life 
only from the pit of the stomach up. In those 
sinking spells I seemed to be basking in the 
sweet sunlight of heaven. I shall be satisfied if 
my last hour is as beatific. I w r as too weak to 
talk, only in the lowest whisper. I longed to tell 
the height and depth of that love which filled 
my whole soul. I seemed to have a glorious 
vision of heaven with its sunlight of glory. I 
felt that Jesus, with his arms around and under- 
neath me, was leading me in green pastures, and 
beside still wafers, and I could say, "Though I 
walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod 
and thy staff they comfort me." I heard my 
physician say that I could not live another day. 
It thrilled my very being with joy to think I was 
so near Jerusalem, my happy home. I was so 
happy it seemed to me angels beckoned me 
away, and that Jesus bade me come. Here I 



40 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

was interrupted by a friend saying, "Dear sister, 
we must give you up ; do you feel fully prepared 
to go? Can you say, Thy will be done?" I felt 
a shrinking from the thought of returning to 
earth. Just then I realized, as never before, the 
value of souls and the work there was to do. 
Yet I could say, "Thy will, not mine, be done." 
I could hardly realize why my friends wept 
around me, when I was so happy. My physi- 
cian was not a Christian, and I had felt a great 
interest in his spiritual welfare. He laid his hand 
on my head as I tried to talk, and said, "Be 
quiet, go to sleep, and see if you will not feel 
better when you wake." My heart bounded 
with joy as I answered, " O, doctor, if I should 
awake in the arms of Jesus, would I not be bet- 
ter off?" He turned from me with tears in his 
eyes. Although lingering on the verge of eter- 
nity, the time of my departure had not yet come. 
I began to recover slowly, and continued to im- 
prove until I could use my hands. During this 
attack I was severely salivated and suffered much. 
Thus I remained helpless; yet I was able to use 
my hands to do light work. For several weeks 
I was comparatively comfortable, and was begin- 
ning to feel encouraged, when I had an attack of 
bilious fever, aggravating all the former symp- 
toms and bringing me again near the grave. 



CHANGES. 



41 



During this spell my room had to be kept dark. 
I could not feed myself and lost my speech. For 
nearly six months I could not speak above a 
whisper. I did not become so strong as before, 
yet improved so that I could do light hand work. 
I looked with deep interest for the visits of my 
pastor, Rev. Mr. Stubbs, who gave me great 
comfort through his songs and prayer. 




Clfaptej? IV. 



TRIALS. 



"The storms of adversity often may reach us 

And bind the strong spirit in anguish and woes, 
But when rightly improved they ever will teach us 
How rich are the blessings that heaven bestows." 

Y mother was obliged to go out between 

my sick spells and work at whatever 

''I s kind of employment she could get. 




She would often leave when hardly 
: "** able herself to be about to earn bread for 
her helpless family. It was indeed a severe 
trial for her to leave me when I was so poorly. 
One morning when I w T as very weak we were 
out of almost every thing. She said, as she 
kissed me, "If I only had something to leave 
that you could eat, I would go cheerfully." I 
replied, "Dear mother, don't worry about me; 
I am not hungry. I can trust I know I shall 
have something when I feel like eating." She 
said, "If you can only get along until I come 
42 



TRIALS. 43 

back we will have plenty." When her work was 
finished she could not get her pay, and came 
home with a heavy heart, but was encouraged 
when she found one of our good neighbors, Mrs. 
Blackburn, had brought us a delicious dinner, suf- 
ficient to supply our wants for the day. 

One morning I was suffering so much that it 
was an unusual trial to see mother go to her 
work, three miles in the country. As she pre- 
pared the last flour and meat for our dinner, she 
tried to cheer me by saying : 

"It looks dark; but our Father knows our 
needs, and we will trust him." 

She had her wrappings on, when brother 
Phinegar brought in a sack of flour, saying : 

4 ' Here is a little present, if you will accept it. " 

Mother burst into tears, and told him the 
Lord had surely sent him in this hour of need. 
When he heard of our condition, he said: 

"I could not account for the strange feelings 
I had this morning. Long before daylight I 
awoke, and felt so restless I could not sleep 
again. I thought of you, and felt perhaps you 
were needing breadstuff*, but thought I could 
not spare a grist without running short myself. 
I could not get rid of the conviction; told my 
wife hovv I felt, and she said I had better bring 
it, and trust to Providence for the future. I 



44 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

came to mill with an unsettled mind; but when 
I reached the corner my horses seemed to turn 
this way of their own accord. A feeling took 
possession of me that I can not describe. So, 
thank the Lord; for he surely hath sent me 
here." 

He then read the thirty-fourth Psalm, and 
made with us a touching prayer. 

Mother went on to her work rejoicing. Soon 
after, Mr. T. C. Ester, a friend indeed, brought 
us a nicely dressed pig. Oh, how my heart 
bounded with gratitude for all these gifts ! I 
felt, ''Surely the Lord is our help and our 
shield." 

On Saturday previous to this, Mrs. Pitts, one 
of our friends from the country, took Sister 
Fannie home with her, expecting to bring her 
back on Monday afternoon. While getting din- 
ner, the children w r ere playing in the kitchen. 
The stove-door flew open, and Fannie took her 
little apron to shut it. The flames caught it, 
and she ran screaming through the room and on 
the porch, until Mrs. Pitts met her. Her clothes 
were burned off. They tried to keep the worst 
from me ; but I could see from their manner 
that she was seriously injured, and would have 
Sallie go to her. They sent for mother imme- 
diately; for they thought she would not live 



TRIALS. 45 

through the night. As soon as she could speak 
she said : 

"O ma, I 'm almost burned up." 

All who witnessed her sufferings spoke of the 
heroic manner in which she bore them. 

I had not strength to bear the excitement ; 
Tuesday I was very sick, and at times flighty. 
Then my call was for mother. We were three 
miles apart. She could scarcely get out of 
Fannie's sight; but was very anxious about 
home. Our good neighbors saw that we did 
not suffer. 

It was weeks before they could bring Fannie 
home, and the burns in her flesh did not heal 
for a year. Then she had a long sick spell. 
Mother was almost worn out with hard work, 
and I earnestly prayed that some way might be 
opened for her to get some rest. I was strength- 
ened by the divine assurance, "Call upon me in 
the day of trouble, I will deliver thee;" and I 
soon found in our darkest hours God's eye is 
upon us, to deliver both from spiritual and tem- 
poral troubles. 

The morning before Christmas, sister gathered 
up some bits of fancy paper, and we made bas- 
kets as Christmas presents for our little neigh- 
bors. We were well repaid for our work on 
seeing their bright faces the next morning. On 



46 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Christmas eve there was a skating party in town. 
A great many friends from the country were in 
and out of my room till late. Notwithstanding 
all were so happy around me, I was sad. We 
dressed a doll, and sent it to Fannie. Our 
Yankee teacher was so full of mischief I feared 
he was playing a trick when he took my catch- 
all and hung it out of doors. But to my sur- 
prise, when it was returned, I found it filled with 
paper, envelopes, stamps, pen, ink, and other 
things, with a note saying, "Now enjoy your 
luxury of writing to the soldier boys." I had 
at this time a number of unanswered letters, so 
these things were very acceptable. There were 
times when I could do nothing else but write. 

On Christmas, mother had dressed my bed 
nicely in white, and I was enjoyfhg a refreshing 
sleep, when a little girl ran in, saying, " Oh, there 
is a great wagon load of folks coming here." I 
looked out, thinking they were going to a neigh- 
bor's, as there were many strange faces. Soon 
I saw baskets being taken into the kitchen, and 
before the first wagon was unloaded, the street 
between our house and the hotel was blocked 
with buggies, carriages, and wagons. They had 
arranged to meet and take us by surprise. Only 
two in town knew of it. Miss Davies and Miss 
Taylor originated it in the Presbyterian Church. 



TRIALS. 47 

They came in, took possession of the house, 
gave mother orders to stay with the company, 
and, in due time, the table was spread. Between 
seventy-five and one hundred took dinner with 
us. Many of the company have said they never 
enjoyed a happier Christmas. They left flour, 
meat, butter, apples, wood, and other necessaries, 
with a dress for each of us, and money to pur- 
chase a stove for my room. It was no wonder 
these dear friends enjoyed the day so much. I 
felt and knew my prayers were answered, though 
in a way I least expected. A little one said 
during the war: "Mother, I believe God always 
hears when we scrape the bottom of our flour 
barrel. " We now believed it. Brother Phine- 
gar's sack of flour was about gone. Now we 
were well prepared for the New-year's day of 
1863, with our new stove. It was a day long to 
be remembered as one of the, extreme cold days, 
though Christmas was a beautiful Winter day. 

After Fannie was brought home she needed 
mother's constant care. I was taken worse, and 
for more than three weeks required watching 
day and night. The kindness of our friends had 
relieved our wants, so mother could be home 
with us. After many weeks I recovered so I 
could be at work again, and sister Sallie went 
out to work. While I was so helpless it was 



48 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

hard for mother to take care of me without sis- 
ter, for I tried to help myself and took worse. 
Every time she went from home mother's strength 
gave w r ay and I became sick. Sister was almost 
discouraged. Her time was so taken up in wait- 
ing on Fannie and me, that she could not do 
much toward maintaining the family. As I be- 
came worse, my nerves were so sensitive that 
the noise of any one crossing the room caused 
severe pain, and the least noise in the street 
startled me. The physician advised burning the 
back with a red-hot iron, but Dr. A. thought it 
unadvisable, as it had been done without benefit, 
and he had his doubts about my living through 
the operation. 

But, contrary to all expectations, I grew bet- 
ter, and thus continued, better and worse, until 
Spring. Then I had a severe attack of bilious 
feVer and inflammation of the stomach and bowels, 
with enlargement of the liver. Our physician 
being absent, a strange one was called in. He 
gave me calomel, which again caused salivation. 
I continued very weak throughout the Spring. 
In June, the doctor advised that I should be car- 
ried out. This I at first refused, but the benefit 
arising from it proved to be great. 

I often felt exceedingly thankful that I was 
situated where I could see the dear old church 



TRIALS. 49 

on the hill, and the people wending their way 
thither, but w r as pained to see so many idling on 
the corners. One Sabbath during the Winter my 
attention was drawn to several little boys who 
were taking the name of God in vain. All day 
long I thought of these poor little fellows, whose 
parents took no interest in their eternal welfare. 
When evening came I longed to be alone, that 
I might wrestle in prayer for the perishing ones 
around me. I told brother Hoffman how I felt, 
and proposed to see what I could do with these 
children if they would give me catechisms. At 
first they tried to persuade me it was folly to 
try, but finally furnished me with books. The 
boys were invited to visit me at home, and were 
glad to come. We met every Sabbath, at three 
o'clock. One of our rules vwas that no one could 
come into the room without taking part. I must 
say, to the credit of these boys, who are now 
men, that they were always in their places in 
time, with washed faces and combed hair, and 
were always so quiet that in my weakest mo- 
ments they could hear every word I said. Out- 
numbers averaged from fifteen t<j twenty-five. 

One afternoon two young men came in. One 
little fellow politely raised his hand to speak, 
and said: " Gentlemen, our rule is that every 
one who comes in must say the lesson. So we 

4 



50 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

would like you to take a seat in the class, or 
please retire." They smiled and took a seat, but 
when their turn came, could not answer as the 
little boys did. This pleased the children, and 
the young men soon excused themselves. We 
met about six Sabbaths, when sickness compelled 
me to give them up. They often begged me to 
teach them again, but the doctor would not al- 
low it. 

One day when I was better, Mrs. Strayer 
had her melodeon brought to my room, and 
spent several hours playing for me. Her sweet 
voice was enough to cheer any sufferer who loves 
music as I do. One Sabbath afternoon, the 
Presbyterian choir came and sang for me, and 
almost every Saturday night the Glee Club, or 
others, would sing at my window. I remember 
one night Professor Harper's Glee Club came 
after eleven o'clock. I was very weak after a 
day of intense suffering, and was just getting 
into a doze. For a while, as I heard the music, 
I wondered whether I was in earth or in heaven. 
If the discordant notes of earth sung by imper- 
fect tongues are so delightful, what will be the 
melody of heaven sung by immortal tongues and 
golden harps, where all is harmony! 



dl|kptei' V. 



TEACHING SCHOOL. 



"Cast thy bread upon the waters, 

Ye, who have but scant supply. 
Angel eyes will watch above it, 

You shall find it by and by. 
You may think it lost forever; 

But, as sure as God is true, 
In tins life, or in the other, 

It will yet return to you." 

POOR neighbor came in one morning-, 
and begged me to teach his little girl. 
He would let her come to my room 
»5|Jj& every morning and afternoon when the 
io school-bell rang. I consented, and found 
her to be an apt scholar. Soon the same 
request was made -by others. Finally, I was in- 
duced to teach a small subscription-school. I 
thought it would help us, so that mother would 
not have to work so hard, besides that she could 
be at home with us. She took the responsibility, 
and procured seats that could easily be carried in 

•51 




52 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

and out of my room. I enjoyeji it very mufh; 
but was so weak and at times so weary that it 
seemed I must give it up. 

One morning when I was feeling worse than 
usual, a little boy came in from the country with 
a nicely dressed chicken and every thing to make 
a good dinner. The same afternoon this boy, 
who had given me so much pleasure in the 
morning, got into a fight. He came and told 
me all about it with a full heart, and asked me to 
forgive him. Since then he has grown into man- 
hood. Not long ago he called on me, and asked 
if I remembered that day. He said I could never 
know how much good the talk I gave him had 
done in supporting him in the right through many 
of the trials he had passed through since that 
time. Another proof that "kind words can 
never die." 

One afternoon mother was called away. I was 
feeling quite well, but at best could not raise my 
head from the pillow. One little fellow became 
quite unruly. After disobeying several times, I 
sent for a switch. It seemed to amuse the 
children to think I would attempt to whip the 
largest and worst boy in the school. I took his 
hand and talked kindly, telling him to remember 
that each stroke would hurt me worse than it 
would him. He soon found this to be true, 



TEACHING SCHOOL. 53 

and the fact of his causing me to suffer was 
the severest part of his punishment. It affected 
him and all of them very much. He begged 
me to forgive him. He was a good boy through 
all the rest of the school. The children often 
cheered us by acts of kindness and words of 
cheer. I taught them about eight weeks, when 
my nervous system could no longer bear it. I 
had been failing for several days, and at times 
suffered intensely. When the children came 
Monday morning, they found me very low. 
For many weeks' I could endure no noise or 
excitement. I never became so well after this 
exertion, and lost more than I gained. Drs. 
Brown and Vance did every thing in their power 
to relieve me. They thought if they could make 
a brace that would support my head and shoul- 
ders, I could sit up. They worked very hard 
to finish it; but the evening before they intended 
to put it on, I was taken worse. They were 
thankful they had not tried the experiment, for 
this attack would have been attributed to it. 
I will never forget their untiring efforts to give 
me relief and make me comfortable. 

I was very sick all that Summer, and gave 
way to doubts and fears. For three months I 
had not one ray of light. At times I was in 
great agony of mind, and often wondered if all 



54 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Christians had their dark seasons. I could not 
look back over my experience and doubt of my 
conversion; but after enjoying what I had, I 
feared I had grieved away the Spirit. One day 
the Presbyterian minister, Rev. Mr. Telford, 
called. I told him how I felt, and asked if he 
ever had such clouds. He said: 

"Yes, certainly. I never met a Christian 
but had more or less at times. Take, for in- 
stance, the natural sky. If we should always 
have sunshine without clouds, the result would 
be we would have no refreshing showers, neither 
would we appreciate the sunshine as we do after 
a few cloudy days. So it is with a Christian. 
As a general thing, their sky is brighter than 
before the clouds, so after it passes off they will 
know that during their darkness the sun had 
been shining behind the clouds, and afterward 
they can trust with greater faith even though 
the sky be overcast." 

He prayed, and left me much benefited by 
his visit. 

About this time a friend sent me the "Nar- 
rative of Mrs. Gardner," and another The Guide 
to Holiness. I received several works from dif- 
ferent sources. I was strangely exercised. My 
heart longed to enjoy the liberty here spoken of, 
but I felt this was too rnuch for me to expect. 



TEACHING SCHOOL. 55 

Mrs. Gardner's experience affected me very much. 
I sometimes felt I would be willing to go through 
all that she had, if, by that means, I could be as 
much benefited. Then, again, I would shrink 
from such trials as being dependent. Nothing 
seemed to have such terror to me as the thought 
of being a county pauper. I thought I never 
could be resigned to that. While reading this 
work I was greatly blessed and brought into light. 
Our new pastor, E. B. Morrison, paid me a 
visit. He seemed alarmed to find my mind so 
clouded. I shall never forget the kind interest 
he took in my welfare, and with what anxiety I 
looked forward to his appointments — for he never 
failed to call, and always gave me words of en- 
couragement. It was during one of these visits 
I heard, for the first time, those precious hymns, 
"Sweet Hour of Prayer" and "My Heavenly 
Home is Bright and Fair." After a profitable 
conversation he sang these hymns. While sing- 
ing, and during prayer, the clouds began to melt 
away. He left an appointment for his ne\v 
supply, Rev. Charles Reynolds. On the next 
Thursday night he told him of my case, and re- 
quested him to call. He came in before preach- 
ing, and approached me as though acquainted. 
"Well, sister Jennie, I am glad to meet you; 
and from your cheerful looks, I trust you are 



56 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

enjoying much of the Savior's love. You do not 
look as if there were any clouds hanging over 
your sky." We had a precious season of prayer 
together. A great many came in on their way 
to church. I could now pray for our pastor 
and people with strong faith and great liberty. 
During the wakeful hours of night I enjoyed the 
blessing of concentrating my thoughts, and at 
times it seemed as though I could bring every 
acquaintance to the throne &f grace. 

Soon after this I had a visit from Brother 
Calvin Smith and Elder Rapp, a Christian minis- 
ter. They came several miles out of their way 
to make the visit, and proved themselves friends 
indeed. 

During the Fall I improved so that I was able 
to use my hands, and did considerable embroid- 
ery. I was always delighted when I could do 
any thing, though ever so little. 

I felt so much the need of something to ele- 
vate me gradually, that I made it a subject of 
prayer. One day Mr. Terrel assisted in moving 
me. I drew for him the plan of a cot, according 
to my idea, and he and Mr. Blackburn improved 
on it until they invented an invalid chair, which 
they .presented to me in October. It was a great 
comfort to me. They afterward perfected it, and 
secured a patent on it. 




Crfaptef VI. 



NEW TREATMENT. 




"My times are in thy hand." 

1 HERE was considerable excitement about 

a certain Dr. Newton, who was to visit 

Urbana. I consulted with Dr. Vance, who 

said : "I have no faith in this man ; but if 

I thought you could stand the trip I would 

say, ' Go. < It will give you an opportunity 

of seeing other physicians. And if there is any 

relief for you, I am willing to help you." 

We made our arrangements, and started next 
morning, November 17, 1865. We spent the 
night in West Liberty, and went to Urbana on 
Saturday. The trip was very severe. We 
stopped at Colonel Armstrong's. Dr. Newton 
was to be in town only on Sabbath, and patients 
were taken to the hotel to see him ; but I was 
so exhausted Colonel Armstrong would not allow 



me to be moved. 



The doctor visited me at the 

57 



58 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

house, but did me more harm than good. At 
my request, Dr. Bassett was called in. I was 4 
anxious to try electricity. My back was so 
paralyzed that he several times used the battery 
three or four hours without producing any effect. 
I felt encouraged when at last some effect was 
produced, and was anxious to give Dr. Bassett 
a trial, 

The first thing to be taken into consider- 
ation was the means. We had received much 
encouragement before leaving home of receiving 
two notes, that we knew would be sufficient to 
defray my expenses for a time. But we could 
not depend upon them for immediate use. As 
I had not enough money to begin with, I was at 
a loss what to do. I could not think of return- 
ing home when relief seemed so near. Mother 
felt much depressed ; but we prayed over the 
matter. 

While in consultation with Colonel Armstrong 
and his wife, Dr. Bassett came in. He seemed 
much pleased, and said: 

"Well, Miss Jennie, I have a little surprise 
for you. A gentleman, an entire stranger, met 
me on the street, and handed me twenty dollars, 
saying it was for Miss Smith, and came from 
unknown friends, who were interested in your 
welfare> and intended this should pay your board 



NEW TREATMENT, 59 

for a month, which he thought could be obtained 
at Mrs. M'Gowan's. I at once called on Mrs. 
M'Gowan, and arranged to have you board at her 
house. If this suits, you can go there to-morrow 
morning." 

We were completely overcome with gratitude 
for this unexpected providence. I longed to 
know who the friends were who came to our re- 
lief in this trying hour. 

Friday morning I was taken to Mrs. M'Gow- 
an's. Mother had left home unexpectedly, and 
was obliged to return on Saturday. It was a 
trial to part; but I was so thankful for an op- 
portunity to try the treatment that I was recon- 
ciled to the separation. All were so kind I 
soon felt at home. Just before mother left, 
Rev. L. F. Van Cleve, Pastor of the Second 
Methodist Episcopal Church, called to see me. 
The prayer he offered co'mforted our hearts 
greatly, and we felt he w T ould be our friend, and 
such he has been from that hour. Dr. Bassett 
came each day, spending from two to four hours 
at a time in the use of the galvanic battery. I 
was greatly encouraged, and new hope sprang 
up that I should find relief. 

I now thought I would keep a journal when 
able to guide my pencil; and when not able 
to write in it Mindi M'Gowan would keep it 



60 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

for me. Accordingly, I made the following 
entry : 

Sabbath, December 24th. — I am so thankful 
that two classes meet in my room every Sabbath. 
Rev. L. F. Van Cleve led the class this morn- 
ing. It was a feast to my soul, as I had not 
enjoyed such a privilege for some time. How 
much it helped me through this day of severe 
suffering. 

December 30th. — Dr. Bassett used his battery 
over three hours, with much success. My back 
is becoming more sensitive, even to a touch, so 
that I can scarcely be moved from one position 
to another. I had a profitable conversation to- 
day on the subject of religion, and in the evening 
enjoyed a prayer-meeting. Brother Van Cleve 
preached a short sermon. It cheered my heart 
and made me trust with stronger faith amid the 
darkness and clouds that seemed to be gather- 
ing over my temporal sky. My indebtedness for 
board and medical treatment is increasing daily, 
and the notes have not been heard from. Oh for 
patience and grace to enable me to bear with 
Christian fortitude all that I may be called to 
pass through. The doctor is persevering and 
has worked hard. At times I have trembled for 
fear he would become discouraged and say he 
could do no more. He is, however, greatly 



NfeW TREATMENT. 6 1 

encouraged. If I should have to cease treatment 
for want of means it will be a severe trial to me. 
I will trust and not be afraid." 

At this time my eyes became very much in- 
flamed and so painful I could not sleep. Brother 
Van Cleve called in, and having had some expe- 
rience as an oculist, gave me great relief. For 
some time I could not bear the light and could 
see but little. These were trying times, and 
every day -seemed to grow darker. About this 
time Mr. Strayer and Mr. Saylor, from home, 
called and presented me with sixteen dollars. 
My heart overflowed with gratitude to the kind 
friends and to Him who alone can repay them. 

I thought my eyes would soon be well, but 
one morninsf while Mattie Van Cleve was reading 
my sight grew dim. I could not see across the 
room. I felt alarmed at the thought of becom- 
ing blind, but after looking to the Savior with 
my spiritual eyes felt prepared for the worst. 
Mattie told her father, who suggested a new 
treatment. Mother came next day and found 
me better and more cheerful than she expected. 
I begged the doctor to tell me what he thought 
of my eyes. He said, "Well, it looks as though 
you might have to do the rest of your life by 
feeling." Mother and I were sad, as our way 
seemed hedged up. It was impossible for me to 



62 THE VALLEY OF lUCA. 

go home with her, as I could not be moved with- 
out intense pain. While pondering these things 
the friends who had brought the sixteen dollars 
came again with a donation of twenty dollars 
from the friends at home. This I gave to sister 
M'Gowan, who had been doing all in her power 
for my comfort and relief. Again the cry of my 
soul was, ' ' Oh for words to express the grati- 
tude of my heart for those tokens of love!" 

I still felt anxious with reference to the doc- 
tor's bill, which was daily increasing (although 
his charges were very moderate), and all hopes 
of getting means from the notes were blasted. 
My condition was pitiable indeed. By mistake 
I took a dose of poison. Fortunately there were 
several sisters present, who suggested raw eggs 
as an antidote. Two were taken immediately, 
and were, without doubt, the means of saving 
my life. Vomiting was kept up four hours. 
Meanwhile the pupils of my eyes were con- 
tracted, producing a favorable result, clearing 
the sight as it had not been for many weeks. 
Every means were used to keep me awake, as 
sleep would have been fatal. This seemed tor- 
ture, until, at my request, they sang and prayed. 
I was driven nearer the rock of my salvation and 
could say, "Thy will be done." I was very ill 
and weak for many days. 



NEW TREATMENT. 63 

Following this prostration, I had five succes- 
sive gatherings in my head and one in my side. 
No pen can describe the long, weary weeks of 
suffering I endured ; but out of these the Lord 
delivered me. My friends were untiring in their 
care, yet I felt my way was dark and hedged up. 
I tried to trust all in the hands of Him who 
alone was able to keep me. During this season 
of darkness Rev. L. F. Van Cleve and his choir 
called one Sabbath evening, and sang some sweet 
songs and offered prayer. It strengthened and 
helped me to "look to the hills whence cometh 
my help." ' 

Kind friends called daily, with whom I had 
interesting religious conversation, creating within 
me a stronger desire to be wholly and forever 
the Lord's, and to be instrumental in helping 
those who were thirsting for the waters of life. 



dllhptei' VII. 



PROVIDENCES. 

" No strength of our own, no goodness we claim; 
But since we have known the Savior's great name, 
In ill is, our strong tower, for safety we hide; 
The Lord is our power; the Lord will provide." 



Jj:KPi?~ HAD suffered intensely, and was very 
^ (&vi y- weak in body and troubled in mind, 
- 2J3F** 1 when Dr. Bassett and brother Van Cleve 
I called. The one ministered to the relief of 
the body, the other to the relief of the soul, 
by offering the consolations of the Gospel. 
Soon after they left, brother Marsh called and 
gave Mrs. M'Gowan fifty dollars in payment for 
my board, and thirteen dollars with which to 
purchase clothing and other comforts so much 
needed. I was completely overcome, and could 
find no words to express my gratitude. The ui> 
derstanding was that when money was received 
my physician was to have a part; but my friends 
said that I needed clothing, and this had been 
64 



PROVIDENCES. 65 

given for that purpose. Hence a difference of 
opinion sprang up between my physician and 
other parties, which gave him just cause, after 
having given his time and treatment to my case, 
to feel hurt. I learned from a few words that 
reached me from an adjoining room, that unless 
something was done he would give up the case. 
It would be impossible to describe my feelings at 
this moment. I found, from what I heard, that 
I was drawing means from the county. The 
thought flashed over me that I was a county 
pauper! My heart rebelled; I could not pray. 
I shall never forget the anguish of that hour. 
Brother Happersett came in, and, placing his 
hand on my head, said: ''Come, sister Jennie; 
you are too weak. You must not give way to 
your feelings. Look upon the bright side. Re- 
member, it is not so bad but it might be worse. 
I have just come from the house of a dying man 
having no hope of heaven, and leaving a desti- 
tute family." He then sang, as he stood at my 
side pressing my throbbing head, 

"Though troubles assail and dangers affright — 
Though friends should all fail and foes all unite — 
Yet one thing secures us whafce'er betide : 
The Scripture assures us the Lord will provide." 

While he was singing, a tear from his eye fell 
upon my cheek. The value of that tear can 

5 



66 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

never be estimated. When he had finished the 
hymn I had a different class of feelings. I was 
greatly encouraged, and began to feel I would 
not have to give up treatment. I spent most of 
the night in prayer. Next morning brother Van 
Cleve found my eyes worse. He talked and 
prayed with me. By the next evening I had 
gained a great victory over self, and felt, if need 
be, I could go to the County Infirmary and do 
work for the Master even there. 

The following Sabbath was quarterly-meeting. 
In the afternoon brother Van Cleve and others 
called and administered the sacrament. While 
partaking of the emblems of the broken body 
and shed blood of our dear Lord, I was filled 
with love and praise. 

On Monday, brother H. gave me twenty- 
three dollars for my physician, raised by subscrip- 
tion, with the names of the donors, for which I 
was exceedingly thankful. I prayed that each 
one might be rewarded for his kindness. 

I continued to improve slowly, but was so 
nervous that a heavy footstep, or the shutting 
of a door, caused severe pain. 

April I, 1866, was a welcome Sabbath, em- 
blem of that eternal rest, 

"Where congregations ne'er break up, 
And Sabbaths have no end." 



PROVIDENCES. 67 

I did not feel so well in body, but my mind 
was stayed on God. I enjoyed the class in my 
room led by brother Patrick. Before leaving, 
brother Johartiss presented me with a dollar. 
May he be richly rewarded for his kindness. 
Several dear friends called, with whom I had 
interesting conversations on the subject of faith. 
After dinner my chair was rolled near the win- 
dow, from which I got a glimpse of the clear 
blue sky for the first time in many weeks. I 
could say with the Psalmist, "The heavens de- 
clare the glory of the Lord, and the firmament 
sheweth his handiwork." After Sabbath-school 
quite a number called, among them several 
young converts. They sang at the close, 

"Oil, how happy are they 
Who their Savior obey;" 

and shook hands with each other, realizing that 
it was a precious meeting. 

Such meetings were frequently held in my 
room on Sabbath afternoon, with song, prayers, 
and relation of Christian experience, and were 
always interesting and beneficial. They were a 
continual feast to my soul. I had a growing- 
desire to be more fully lost and swallowed up in 
the will of God. 

Not long after this time I had a severe at- 
tack of inflammation of the liver, and for days 



68 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

was very ill. The kind family with whom I was 
stopping, my physician, and all my dear friends 
were very kind and attentive, for which I thank 
them. I was greatly delighted with a visit from 
dear mother ; and yet it was sad to see her look- 
ing so weary and care-worn, and to know how 
hard she was struggling and worrying about me 
and other loved ones, while I could do nothing. 
I now resume the extracts from my journal. 

May 30th. — My dear friends at home have sent 
me the improved chair. Sister M'Gowan has at- 
tached casters to it, so they can roll me from 
room to room. They took me to the door for 
the first time. How I enjoyed it! Would that 
the friends knew how much more comfortable 
they have made me. 

June 15th. — How thankful I am for what I 

enjoy and the prospect of getting well. My 

chair was rolled into the parlor, and from there 

on boards down under the shade-trees, where I 

could hear the birds, 

"With artless lays, 
Warble their great Creator's praise. 

After spending some time beneath the shade- 
trees and writing a letter to mother, an arrange- 
ment was made to take me out riding on a bed 
in a carriage. Never shall I forget how perfectly 
delighted I was. The trees, the fields, the mur- 




Howard Weaver Mission School, Urbana, Ohio. 



PROVIDENCES. 69 

muring brooks, all seemed to be praising the 
Lord. In the gladness of my soul I almost 
forgot my pain. I felt better after resting, and 
often took rides through the kindness of Mr. 
HefHebemer. I must not forget to mention also 
the kindness of Mr. F. Ganson, who often took 
me to places of interest. I continued to im- 
prove. One morning an attempt to raise me 
to a half-sitting posture caused severe pain and 
made me very sick; so I had to desist. I, how- 
ever, was not alarmed nor discouraged in my hope 
of one day walking again. I prayed for faith 
and submission to the divine will both physically 
and temporally. 

June 16th. — I feel much better. Had a pre- 
cious class, led by brother Humphreys. Spent 
a sweet season alone. Loving brother Sampson 
told me about the mission school they com- 
menced to-day. I do feel a deep interest in their 
undertaking. Two weeks ago, when brother 
Sampson and brother Talbot talked the matter 
over here, I told them I could do nothing else, 
but I would pray for them. I feel we entered 
into a solemn covenant. My heart is so drawn 
out after the poor, neglected souls. Oh, that 
God may bless this effort to save them. 

June 22d. — I do not feel so well in body, but 
better in mind; still I have not the Spirit of the 



yo THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Master and that full trust in him that I desire. 
Too often I fear I read God's Word more from a 
sense of duty than to feed on its precious prom- 
ises. Oh, may this Word be as a lamp to my 
feet, and a light to my path ! This afternoon I 
had a long talk with Dr. B. and sister M., both 
of them chicling me for worrying about my secu- 
lar affairs. I know it is wrong to fret as I have 
done; it is distrusting my heavenly Father. He 
knows my surroundings and my weakness, 
and the desire of my heart to be patient and 
resigned. Both the families mentioned have 
been particularly kind, doing every thing in 
their power to make me comfortable. To-day 
brother and sister Huffman called. It did me 
good to hear from mother, though only to hear 
she w r as sick. I fear she has worked too hard. 
Sister Strayer has just sent me an invitation to 
spend a few weeks with her before going home. 
I received this as providential, and give God 
thanks. I took courage and comfort in the 
words of the Psalmist (ix, 9, 10), "The Lord 
also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge 
in times of trouble. And they that know thy 
name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, 
hast not forsaken them that seek thee." 

How I should love to be home to-day; but I 
am content, knowing I enjoy many blessings and 



PROVIDENCES. 7 1 

privileges that others are deprived of. May this 
day and all others be spent so as to please my 
heavenly Father. Brother Gehman, wife, and 
daughter called on me. I was greatly benefited 
by the religious conversation and earnest prayer 
of brother Gehman. I was made to rejoice that 
I had been led in the narrow path that leads to 
peace and rest. Brother Gehman gave me five 
dollars before leaving. I was thankful, for it was 
much needed. The promise is, "I will never 
leave thee nor forsake thee." The dear Savior 
makes even our trials work together for our 
good. This has been a precious day. " Praise 
the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, 
bless his holy name." 

August 6th. — Brother Happersett presented 
me ten dollars in behalf of his lodge. The Lord 
reward him. Dear mother visited me to-day. She 
looks care-worn, yet cheerful and patient. Our 
kind friend, brother Huffman, brought her. He 
gave me a scolding for not telling them of my 
troubles, and said he would see to it that all my 
bills were settled. 

August i^tli. — This is my twenty-fourth birth- 
day. I awoke with wandering thoughts, but 
after reading a chapter felt refreshed and had free 
access to the throne of grace. On examining 
my heart closely, I find I am all unworthiness 



72 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

and very far from what I desire to be; yet I 
trust I am an accepted child of God through the 
merits of my Savior. I this day renew my vows 
to Him who merits all my love, to live nearer to 
him through this and all future years of my life. 
I know not what suffering is before me. I know 
not what a day may bring forth, but I desire to 
be a perfect Christian, bearing my sorrows with 
fortitude, that at last I may meet the loved ones 
beyond the river. 

August 26th. — I have enjoyed another Sabbath. 
We had a glorious class-meeting, led by brother 
Van Cleve and brother Humphrey. After Sab- 
bath-school quite a number called, some of whom 
were under conviction. I pointed them to Jesus 
as best I could. The desires of my heart were 
drawn out for brother Talbot's mission school. 
Brother Sampson gave a very encouraging report 
of it to-day. If this should be my last Sabbath 
in this home, it will be remembered in eternity 
on account of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. 

August 2jth. — I w T as taken over to sister 
Smith's, who has passed through deep affliction. 
My visit was a blessing to us all. I felt sad on 
leaving Minda M'Gowan, who has been an in- 
valid for some time. 

August ^ot/i. — Mr. Ganson took me to Mrs. 
Strayer's, whom I had promised to visit before 



PROVIDENCES. 73 

I went home. The ride fatigued me, but after 
resting I felt better. 

August $ist. — I suffered greatly during the 
night. Dr. Bassett called this morning, and, 
after using the battery, I felt better. To-day I 
thought much of the goodness of God. I am 
anxious about loved ones at home, yet thankful 
that I have so many kind friends. While Mrs. 
Strayer and Professor Harper sang this evening 
I was carried in imagination to the inheritance 
of the saints in light. 

September 1st. — I feel it is sweet to take all 
my cares to Him who has said, "Cast thy bur- 
den on the Lord, and he will sustain thee. He 
will never suffer the righteous to be moved." 
I heard from home to-day, by a little boy, who 
on his return took a chicken with him, saying 
it must not be killed until I get home. 

September nth. — I can not tell why I am so 
cast down. I try to trust all in my Father's 
hand, and feel that he will provide some way 
for me to pay the doctor and Mrs. M'Gowan. 
Brother Huffman called and told me mother had 
the chills. I was shocked when he said, "Well, 
sister Jennie, the friends at home feel it is not 
their duty to pay the doctor any more money, 
but will give to you when you reach home. 
They think you need it more than he does. If 



74 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

I could control the matter I would pay him to 
relieve your mind." I burst into tears and gave 
way to sobs of grief. I could not control my 
feelings and begged him to forgive me. The 
thirty-fourth and thirty-seventh Psalm comforted 
me. I could bear it better if I were not such a 
trouble to others. I know I ought to leave it 
all with Jesus, for he knows. I had five dollars, 
which I gave to the doctor, and told him what 
the friends at home said. He told me not to 
fret, he would not forsake me. Never will I for- 
get the kindness of this true friend. Mrs. S 

intended to move, but insisted upon my remain- 
ing until that time. 

In the mean time sister Flago invited me to 
spend a few hours with her. I intended to go 
to another friend's in the evening. Mrs. Glenn 
came in, and insisted upon Mrs. Flago and my- 
self taking dinner at her house. We accepted, 
and thev carried me over. I was delighted 
with her lovely home. I had never met Mr. 
Glenn until he came in to dinner. The time 
passed pleasantly. About four o'clock it began 
to rain, and it was deemed imprudent for me to 
go out; so I remained all night. I had a long 
talk with Mrs. Glenn on the subject of religion. 
Never will I forget the reflections of the first 
night I spent in Mrs. Glenn's home. I could 



PROVIDENCES. 75 

not sleep until long after midnight. The gas was 
turned down to a pale light, shedding a peculiar 
hue upon the pictures, the rich carpets, etc. I 
spent the most of the night in prayer. I felt 
an intense desire that I in some way might be a 
blessing to this family before leaving them. 
Tuesday it rained most of the day. Mr. and 
Mrs. Glenn were very kind, doing all in their 
power for my comfort. Wednesday I had an- 
other hard chill. My friends came to take me 
away; but I was suffering so much they would 
not allow me to be moved. In the mean time 
Mr. Glenn became somewhat acquainted with 
my circumstances and need of medical attend- 
ance, and prevailed on me to remain where I 
was, for a time at least, until the chills were 
broken, and to feel perfectly at home. I hardly 
knew what to do. Brother Van Cleve coming 
in, I asked his advice. He said : 

"My candid opinion is, you ought to stay. 
They have given you a pressing invitation, are 
able to make you comfortable, and, taking all 
the circumstances into consideration, it would be 
ungrateful in you not to accept their kindness." 

This decided the matter, relieving my mind 
at once. I wrote home for them not to come 
for me. 

Thursday, 2Jth. — A bright and beautiful morn- 



y6 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

ing. All nature seems to rejoice. Even the 
little birds are singing sweetly, reminding me 
that our blessings should call forth songs of 
praise. Professor Harper's glee-club serenaded 
me last night. While they were singing at my 
window, I thought if they could but realize how 
much I enjoyed it they would be repaid. Brother 
Phinegar, from home, called, bringing with him 
thirty-five dollars, and Judge Corwin gave me 
five, which I shall give to the doctor. How 
wonderfully the Lord is supplying my wants ! 
I had a precious interview with Rev. W. I. Fee, 
Pastor of the first charge of Urbana. His con- 
versation and prayer did me a great deal of 
good. I had another chill, and suffered much ; 
but have had a good day, for which thanks to 
the dear Lord. 




Cl]aptei< VIII. 



CONSOLATIONS. 



'Go, wing thy flight from star to star, 
From world to luminous world, as far 

As the universe spreads its flaming wall ; 
Take all the pleasures of all the spheres, 
And multiply each through endless years, — 

One moment of heaven is worth them all. 1 



IS&fe^ 



|^|_ABBATH, September 30th. — I find 
HggMlT g rea t comfort in reading my Bible and 
^Ifc^ meditating on the goodness of God. 
/lvvo Mrs. Glenn was called to see a sick neigh- 
V'{ bor. I had an opportunity to converse 
with Mr. Glenn on the subject of religion, 
which I did, but not in my own strength. He 
asked me the particulars of my coming to Ur- 
bana. I told him of my hopes and disappoint- 
ments, and how a kind Providence had opened 
my way to the present. I said : 

"Mr. Glenn, I wish you and Mrs. Glenn could 
realize how much I appreciate your kindness." 

77 



78 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

He answered : 

"Well, it seems a little strange to myself. 
I have thought I never would do another favor, 
from the fact that many whom I have 'favored 
have become my enemies; but you may be as- 
sured, Miss Jennie, that you are welcome, or I 
would not have insisted on your staying as I 
have done. I want you to remain as long as 
you feel at home." 

I thanked him, and said : 

"I am sorry your confidence in human na- 
ture and religion is so shaken. I trust you will 
never have occasion to think I am your enemy, 
but rather a true friend to you and Mrs. Glenn." 

After the chills were broken I improved rap- 
idly, and felt I would soon be able to walk. 
The interest in my welfare and happiness seemed 
daily to increase. 

October l$tk. — What a day of blessings this 
has been ! Mrs. Glenn rolled me up to the well 
in the kitchen, where I pumped a bucket of water 
and helped shell beans for dinner. How I en- 
joyed what I have not done for five years! 
They talk of me as their baby, and treat me 
as though I were their own child. Why is the 
Lord so good to me when I am so unworthy? 
Mothers W. and S. and brothers Van Cleve and 
Ross called. What a treat to have those dear 



CONSOLATIONS. 79 

mothers in Israel come in. Not long after 
this I was thinking how much I needed some 
additional clothing, when I received a letter from 
sister R. inclosing two dollars, which impressed 
the lesson more fully upon me to leave all in 
the hands of the Lord, who knows all my wants, 
and will supply- them from his unwasting fullness 
more carefully than he feeds the young ravens 
that cry. Have I not evidence enough to confirm 
my faith that he will fulfill his promise, "Bread 
shall be given him, his water shall be sure?" 
Why, then, do I not more fully trust him for 
my loved ones? I find myself anxious about 
dear mother, who has to work so hard day by 
day for the little ones at home. I am some- 
times almost overcome at the table to see the 
abundance when others have scarce enough to 
satisfy their hunger. Again I ask myself, 
Why am I so favored? Brother H. called. We 
had a long, interesting conversation. What a 
changed man! A year ago he was a skeptic. 
He sympathized with me in my affliction, and 
says it has done him much good. Then, why 
should I not suffer, if it is for the good of others 
as well as my own? My heart is filled with 
peace, love, and praise for the blessing of this 
day. 

October 24th. — Brother Van Cleve called just 



So THE VALLEY OE BACA. 

before tea. Mr. Glenn invited him to remain, 
saying : 

"Stay and see how nicely we can take our 
baby to the table with us. This is the only 
baby we have, and we hope she will soon be 
able to walk." 

Brother Van Cleve said: 

"Well, I've kept a pretty close watch over 
Jennie since she came to town, and have been 
much interested in her welfare. I feel very 
grateful to you and Mrs. Glenn for your kind 
hospitality toward her." 

Mr. Glenn answered : 

"Not at all; she is perfectly welcome. Hav- 
ing no family of our own, it is very pleasant to 
have her here. " 

At the tea-table Mr. Glenn told of an insane 
man in jail who swore terribly when he passed 
him. He said: 

"Many men who never use profane language 
when in their right minds swear when crazy." 

I told him I did not think any man in his 
right mind would swear. 

November i^th. — I feel much better again this 
morning. Was taken to the breakfast-table the 
first time for several days. Sister Glenn and I 
had a sweet season of conversation, and prayer for 
loved ones. We had a delightful serenade last 



CONSOLATIONS. 8 1 

night. In imagination I was carried to "home, 
sweet home." To-day I had a most agreeable 
and valuable surprise. Lizzie Leedom and Lizzie 
Furrow came into my room with their arms full, 
and laid upon my bed two double wrappers and 
two complete suits of flannel underwear, which 
a number of the sisters made up for me at sister 
Leedom's. It was a most acceptable present 
and just the thing needed. The only reply I 
could make was a flood of tears. Lizzie put 
her arms around my neck, and said, 

"I hope your feelings are not hurt. " 

I told her, 

"No, ,by no means. They are tears of 
gratitude." 

I felt that we must ask a blessing upon the 
donors. We prayed together, and the dear girls 
went on to their school. Mr. and Mrs. Glenn 
were delighted with my presents. I wrote a note 
of thanks ; but how short I came of expressing all 
my gratitude ! How comfortable they have made 
me! May each one be rewarded. I must write 
to dear mother about it. Two days more and it 
will be just a year since I left home. " How 
strangely I have been led and cared for. 

Shortly after this I heard that Sister Mollie 
and Brother Dicky had been sick. A friend 
suggested I would be of so much comfort to 

6 



82 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

mother if I were at home ; but Mrs. Glenn said 
she could not give me up. 

I prayed that I might be directed. It was 
getting late in the Fall, and I was anxious to 
see the loved ones, but did not wish to do any 
thing I might afterward regret. Mother was 
fearful I was imposing on good nature, and 
came to see me about going home. Sickness 
had prevented her coming sooner. Mrs. Glenn 
met her with a kiss, and said: 

"I am so glad to meet Jennie's dear mother, 
but hope you will not take my baby from me. 
I could hardly live without her." 

Mr. Glenn was equally cordial, and insisted 
on my remaining. At dinner, he said, 

"We'll have some fun with Lizzie and Peter," 
their colored help. 

He said to them, 

"Gome, now, you must hurry up and get 
Jennie ready; her mother has come for her. 
Do you want her to go?" 

Peter dropped his head, and Lizzie said: 

"If Miss Jennie goes I goes too. Ah! I can 
see you are just fooling us. Peter, don't cry; 
she is n't going." 

After we returned to the sitting-room, Mr. 
Glenn said : 

"Can't you consent to stay with us and feel 



CONSOLATIONS. 83 

at home? Stay at any rate until the first sleigh- 
ing snow, and then we can take you more easily 
than now." 

By this time my mind was clear to remain, 
and I answered, 

"Yes, Mr. Glenn, I can stay, provided you 
will give me the assurance that you will tell me 
frankly the very moment it is not. altogether 
agreeable to you for me to remain longer." 

"I will give you my hand and word," said 
he, "and tell you frankly when I desire a 
change." 

Mother left me, much relieved with the as- 
surance I would be cared for, and more com- 
fortable than it would be in her power to make 
me. I learned after she was gone that she had 
but ten cents, which she had given Peter to get 
a loaf of bread. I had asked her if she had 
enough to make her comfortable, and noticed 
that her eyes filled with tears, and she turned 
awav, saving: 

"We will get along; don't fret about us." 

I was satisfied that the dear sick ones were 
destitute of necessaries. It was well I did not 
know the worst. That was the most trying time 
in all mother's adverse circumstances. Her own 
health poor, the children sick, with no work for 
some time. She had left them that morning 



84 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

without enough to satisfy their hunger. At 
dinner, the thought of their scanty supply in 
comparison with the abundance of the table at 
which she was sitting, almost overcame her. 
But the Lord raised up friends. When she re- 
turned home she found an order for work, and 
the friends made a wood-chopping, supplying 
them with fuel. At times I felt that I must go 
home to assist mother. Again I would think 
that I would only increase her care. I was con- 
vinced that my stay in this family was ap- 
preciated. 

A number of friends came in and sang for me. 
Mr. Glenn was not a professor of religion, and 
at times was rather disposed to criticise Chris- 
tians, and I hesitated about asking them to have 
prayers before leaving. He told me, however, 
that I was at perfect liberty to have religious 
services whenever I desired it. 

November 2gth. — This is a lovely Thanksgiv- 
ing morning. How many convincing proofs I 
have had of my heavenly Father's tender mercies 
and providential care. How he has caused me 
to triumph in every trial and dark season. Last 
evening a wealthy lady called. I said no one 
had more to be grateful for than I have under 
my circumstances. She told a friend she did not 
know how I could feel so while she, who had 



CONSOLATIONS. 85 

every comfort of life and good health, was not 
satisfied. Brother Van Cleve called and gave me 
nine dollars and eighty cents, a public collection 
at quarterly-meeting. I am so thankful, as this 
will enable me to pay Mrs. M'Gowan. I was 
quite sick for some days. Every time they at- 
tempted to raise me to a 'sitting posture it caused 
intense pain in my hip and side. 

December \Zth. — Mr. G. will bury his father 
to-day. He came home a few moments ago and 
gave way to a fresh flood of tears. Poor family ! 
I know how to sympathize with them. Rev. W. 
L. Hypes remained here last night and will preach 
the funeral sermon. It is a great privilege to 
have one of God's ministers with us. His prayers 
last night and this morning w r ere appropriate 
and comforting. He said, " Jennie, God has 
placed you here for some good purpose. Be 
patient and persevering. Trust all in his hands." 
Had a call from Mrs. Melhorn and Mrs. Hop- 
kins. It seemed so pleasant to see any one from 
home. They laughed at me for thinking I could 
be of any service to mother. Sister Young told 
them they were going to keep me here all Win- 
ter. Sister M'Gowan begged me not to worry 
about my indebtedness to her. Oh, that the be- 
reavement in this family may be blessed to the 
good of. souls! 



86 THE VALLEY OF LACA. 

January 1st, 1867. — A bright, beautiful morn- 
ing-. The sentiment of my heart is — 

"Wisdom ascribe, and might and praise, 
To God who lengthens out our days, 
Who spares us yet another year 
And makes us see his goodness here. 
Oh, may I all the time redeem 
And henceforth live and die to Him." 

Oh for a closer walk with God, a more abiding 
sense of the indwelling presence of the Holy 
Spirit, than during the year that has just closed. 
We had a precious morning lesson, beginning at 
the first chapter of Matthew. We intend to read 
the New Testament through, including the com- 
ments. Had a pleasant time distributing New- 
year's presents. Had a pleasant call from some 
home friends, Lizzie Davis and Mollie Massy. I 
was telling them how I was blessed with kind 
friends, when Emma Strayer interrupted us by 
saying, "Do you know what Mr. Fee did Sab- 
bath night? He talked so well about you and 
then took up a collection for your benefit." I 
felt the starting tear, but before I could reply 
the door-bell rang and soon the smiling face of 
brother Fee appeared. His conversation and 
prayer were indeed a New-year's feast to my 
soul. Before leaving he gave me an envelope 
containing eleven dollars and thirty-five cents, 



CONSOLATIONS. 



87 



saying, "Here is a very little New-year's gift, 
which you will please accept from our society." 
I tried to thank him, but could not. My heart 
gave thanks to God for this token of love. May 
the Lord reward each one who contributed. 
This donation will greatly help me out of my 
difficulties. 




Crfaptei' IX. 



AFFLICTIONS. 




JANUARY 14, 1867.— Last night was 
!£. one of extreme pain, with but little 
sleep. Our lesson has refreshed me 
greatly. I am better, but still very weak. 
JC I am led to realize more and more my re- 
sponsibility as a Christian. I was startled 
by a remark made this evening concerning pro- 
fessing Christians, and prompted to ask my friend 
if he was in doubt as to the reality of religion. 
"No," he replied; "but I am convinced that 
many Church members who do not possess what 
they profess are thronging the broad way to de- 
struction, while there are comparatively few trav- 
eling in the narrow way." 

"I know it is a lamentable fact," I said, 
"that there are some in our Churches who know 
nothing of the life and power of religion ; but I 
think I realize its power. I know what its con- 
solations are. My greatest desire is to be, not 



AFFLICTIONS. 89 

among the few, but the many, of the narrow- 
road; and I entreat, as a friend, if you see any 
thing unbecoming my profession in my deport- 
ment, to tell me of it frankly." "I shall cer- 
tainly do so, " he answered. "I have no doubt 
it will be well with you ; but we are traveling in 
different directions. There is no hope for me. I 
can 't feel on the subject as I once did, and I 
do n't intend trying." I was horrified, and ques- 
tioned how he could entertain such feelings when 
such bountiful provisions had been made for all 
who would turn to the Savior. I mentioned the 
beautiful invitation in Isaiah i, 1 8 : " Come now, 
and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though 
your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as 
snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall 
shall be as wool." I said the dear Bible is full 
of precious promises for every one who will be- 
lieve and accept them. "I know," continued I, 
' ' that I live far beneath my privileges ; but I 
am constantly seeing more of the delights of the 
narrow way. I would not exchange my hope of 
heaven for every thing this world can afford. 
This Bible is a casket of jewels. Oh that you may 
soon realize they are fop- you too." "It is of 
no use talking," he said; "I know you are 
more fortunate in your helplessness than many 
in wealth and health, but nothing you would say. 



90 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

could change me." Oh for a closer communion 
with my Savior! The constant cry of my heart 
is, " Nearer, my God, to thee!" 

Mother came the 1 8th, but they would not 
consent to my returning with her. I was de- 
lighted at her improved appearance, and she re- 
joiced to find me surrounded with so many com- 
forts and kind friends. While mother was with 
me the dear sisters Shyrhy, West, Fee, and 
White, called, and we had a refreshing season of 
prayer. One morning I was aroused by fire- 
bells. In a moment I had hoisted the w T indow 
and thrown open the shutter. The snow and 
sky were crimson with the reflection of the flame. 
I discovered that it was not our house, but the 
mill of my good friend, Mr. S. 

How my heart was drawn out in prayer for 
them that this loss might be a blessing to their 
eternal welfare, for it teaches us that the things 
of this world are uncertain, and will soon pass 
away. Oh, how important that we lay our treas- 
ures up in heaven! I soon discovered that I had 
injured myself in raising the window. For some 
days I was very sick. While quite weak, a dear 
friend came unexpectedly to say good-bye. I 
asked her what her spiritual condition was. 
"Oh," said she, "I am in such utter darkness I 
would be willing to do any thing if it would 



AFFLICTIONS. 9 1 

only bring light." As I had passed through it 
all, I gave her a little of my experience; then, 
taking her hand, said: " Before we separate — 
perhaps for the last time — let us have a short 
prayer." She kneeled at my side, and, in my 
weakness, I sent up the petition that the Sun of 
righteousness might speedily arise and shine in 
her troubled heart. She threw her arms about 
rhy neck, and said: " Dear Jennie, I am so 
thankful to you. Your experience has done me 
good, and I am so glad you will pray for me. 
Mrs. S. has promised to meet me at the throne 
of grace every day at three P. M. ; won't you 
consent to meet with us?" I answered her that 
I would. 

This covenant proved a blessing to all three. 
It soon became natural to observe the hour. It 
and the rule adopted by sister G. and myself of 
committing every morning, for the day's medita- 
tion, a verse of Scripture, proved of untold value 
in gaining strength. I placed the verse each day 
at the head of my journal, which served to refresh 
and strengthen my memory. 

April igt/i. — There has been great distress in 
this home on account of a lost kitten; we are 
n 11 gratified that the little runaway has been 
found. It and the dog are surely blessings 
here; they are such pets, and so well trained 



92 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

that they furnish an endless fund of amusement, 
and suggest a great many profitable thoughts. 

The temperance question seems the topic of 
the day. The physician so often prescribed 
wine for me; but I can not use it, even medi- 
cinally, with a clear conscience. I do n't think 
I would have such feelings about it if it were 
right. I had a precious visit from a former dear 
pastor — Rev. E. B. Morrison. After a profitable 
conversation he read the hundred* and fourth 
Psalm, and sang, as - in days gone by, ' - Sweet 
Hour of Prayer" and "Blest be the Tie that 
Binds." 

The above was my last writing for many 
weeks. I had been suffering unusual pain for 
some time, but did not realize any thing alarm- 
ing until one day I was taken with severe vom- 
iting, which continued more than twenty -four 
hours, and caused the most intense pain. My 
nervous system seemed to give way utterly. I 
was soon prostrated by bilious fever, followed 
by inflammation of stomach and bowels. Mr. 
Glenn sent in haste for mother. Though in a 
stupor when she came, her dear voice .roused me 
as nothing else could. Very little hope was en- 
tertained of my recovery; and yet the skill of 
my attentive physician again manifested itself, 
through God. 



AFFLICTIONS. 



93 



Never can we forget the unwearied kindness 
of Mr. and Mrs. Glenn and Dr. Bassett. It 
would be impossible for mortals to come nearer 
filling the place of parents. No time or means 
were spared to make me comfortable and every 
thing pleasant for the friends who watched at 
my side. 

After having been encouraged as to my re- 
covery, this relapse at first occasioned a struggle, 
but I was at length enabled to say, "Thy will 
be done!" Although my sufferings were severe, 
I enjoyed great peace of mind, and at times was 
unspeakably happy. All I could articulate in 
my weakness were words of praise. I afterward ' 
realized this was permitted for the good of 
others, as they were enabled to see that the 
grace of God could give enjoyment when the 
world had nothing to bestow. 

One unconverted friend said to another : 

"There must be something in religion, or 
one situated as Jennie Smith is could never 
endure it so patiently, and with such radiant 
countenance." 

After I became convalescent, I was so weak 
that it was some time before I could be left 
alone. If I was permitted to sleep soundly, it 
was almost impossible to arouse me. One 
morning, when I awoke, I found Mrs. Glenn 



94 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

had taken the watcher's place, and was kneeling 
at my side. When I turned my head toward 
her she embraced me affectionately, and, with 
tears streaming down her face, exclaimed : 

"Jennie, my precious child, it is wicked for 
me to rejoice in your affliction. I can not help 
it, when I see what a blessing, in your patient 
suffering, you have been to our home." 

The day mother returned home a tooth com- 
menced aching, and by the next evening my en- 
tire body was affected. My friends considered 
me too weak to have it extracted ; but, after 
some entreaties, I prevailed upon them to have 
Dr. C. take it out. A paroxysm followed, which 
was so severe it required two men to keep my 
limb in position. Dr. B., Dr. C, brother Van 
Cleve, and Mr. Glenn worked several hours before 
it was weighted down. My anguish of body dur- 
ing this time could not be described. I was 
thrown into a cramp, and was again prostrated 
and all former troubles renewed. Mother was 
again sent for; but the worst was over before she 
arrived. My stomach was in such a condition 
that I could take no nourishment for six weeks 
but beef-tea and gruel. Previous to this I had 
used liniment on my limb, which made it so 
tender that the pressure compelled to be put 
upon the knee bruised it so that it gathered and 



AFFLICTIONS. 95 

run for nine months. In some respects this was 
injurious; in others, beneficial. 

I must mention some of the seasons I enjoyed 
while recovering. Brothers Van Cleve and Fee 
held quarterly -meetings several weeks apart. 
They were speaking once of the sacrament. I 
said, "What a sacred privilege to enjoy it!" 
Mrs. Glenn asked if I would like to participate in 
it. I felt that no privilege could be granted me 
on earth equal to that of commemorating the 
sufferings of my dear Redeemer. The ministers 
were invited to administer the sacrament. It 
was after night, and the rooms were delightfully 
arranged. Fragrant flowers added to the beauty 
of the scene, and the sweet songs made it seem 
a foretaste of the joys to come. Just before 
brother Fee administered the sacrament, brother 
Hitt sang, "I want to cross over." My soul 
was filled with rapturous delight, and it seemed 
as though there was but a step between me and 
heaven. The night brother Van Cleve adminis- 
tered the sacrament was long to be remembered. 
As he bid me good-bye, he put thirteen dollars 
into my hand from the second charge. 

One night, after I became convalescent, I was 
aroused by the sweet music of Porter's cornet 
band, playing so softly that it was soul-inspiring. 
Never can I forget those band boys, the glee 



g6 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

clubs, and many others, who wove by their mu- 
sic bright webs into my suffering hours. 

June 14th. — A concert was given by brother 
Van Cleve's blind son John and a number of 
young ladies and gentlemen from the blind asy- 
lum of Columbus, Ohio. They all spent a mem- 
orable season with us. It was a lovely after- 
noon. All nature seemed to blend with their 
various instruments, and sweet voices sent forth 
delightful strains that were re-echoed by the 
feathery inhabitants of the evergreens. They 
taught us a valuable lesson, they were so cheer- 
ful and happy, although deprived of their sight. 



$MM$m 



dliaptei* X. 



ENJOYMENTS. 

"God of my life, to thee 

My cheerful soul I raise ; 
Thy goodness bade me be, 

And still prolongs my days, 
To see my natal hour return, 
And bless the day that I was born." 

If UGUST 1 8, 1867. — To-day I commence 
|[j a new year in my life. My desire is to 
live nearer to God, who I am confident 
will continue to be my guide even unto 
death. May I ever be willing to be led 
by him and trust him, though my pathway 
be ever so rough and thorny ; and when the dark 
hour comes, cling to his strong arm, and rest in 
the thought that he knows what is best. I am 
thankful that my heart is not inclined to lament 
and murmur against the providence of God as it 
once did and as I hear others about me doing. 
The last of August the Conference convened 
in Urbana. We had many calls from friends at 
7 97 




98 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

that time, whose conversation, singing, and 
prayer were of untold value to me. Mrs, Geo. 
W. Walker's visit was unusually interesting. 
We had just been reading the life of her hus- 
band; but after hearing from her own lips how 
they had been supported by grace, we read it 
with new interest. She was very feeble then, 
and has since gone to join her dear one where 
separation can never come. 

Sister Glenn and I spend much time in read- 
ing. We find it important to be systematic in 
this as well as writing and devotions. The cove- 
nant made with my friend S. was strictly ad- 
hered to, and on her return we appointed a fast 
day once a month. 

I was greatly strengthened by this means of 
grace, because I had to deny myself, and in- 
variably on that occasion the dinner was unusu- 
ally tempting. The enemy would come in like 
a flood, but through, grace I came off more than 
conqueror. My friends always considered me 
too weak to fast; but I never lost physical 
strength equal to the spiritual strength I gained. 

I think fasting and prayer would accomplish 
much for the Master. It does not seem to me 
necessary to relinquish the three meals on fast- 
day ; but our own conscience is the best guide 
in such matters. Jesus gave us an example of 



ENJOYMENTS. 99 

fasting. Rev. J. A. Wood, in a recent work in 
reply to the question, "How much should I 
fast?" says: "Your body is the temple of the 
Holy Ghost, and you are to govern, but not 
injure, it. You should fast enough to make it 
a means of grace, but not so much as to render 
it an instrument of temptation. The condition 
of your health will help you to decide this ques- 
tion." 

October 6th. — "In the fear of the Lord is 
strong confidence, and his children shall have- 
a place of refuge. " (Prov. xiv, 26.) I was very 
restless all night, and my thoughts were so wan- 
dering, I could not concentrate them. But since 
spending a pleasant hour reading for Johnny 
Van Cleve I feel better. I had a profitable call 
from brothers Van Cleve and Simmons. While 
we were at dinner, mother and little Brother 
Dannie, whom I had not seen for more than 
two years, came in. He was so rejoiced that 
he cried for joy. It is a trial for all of us 
^us to be separated; but I think of our loved 
ones and the multitude who are less fortunate 
than we are. It thrilled my heart to hear 
mother's voice in prayer once more. How 
fervently she prayed for her children, and the 
kind friends who can not realize the good they 
are doing! The path of duty seems so clear 



IOO THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

that I must not squander time in regrets that I 
could not accompany them home. 

January I, 1868. — A few moments given to 
a review of the past year have been freighted 
with both joy and sorrow, so that it seemed al- 
most impossible to determine which predomi- 
nates. My heart rejoices in the goodness of 
God. The enemy has tried to ensnare me, and 
in a measure has sometimes succeeded; but the 
Lord has finally and graciously delivered me. 
I have often been cast down and disheartened 
in spite of his tender care of me. I long for 
greater confidence and efficiency in his services 
this year than ever before. I do want to dis- 
charge every duty faithfully, and be willing to 
suffer all things, if I can thus be the means of 
a little good. We propose to commence a new 
course of reading to-day. 

March 16th. — I am not so well. ''Nothing 
gives more freshness to existence than the con- 
sciousness of being useful to others." How true 
this is, but how little I do. Yet I know I am 
doing what I can. Oh, that a blessing may rest 
upon the dear ones who have again remembered 
me! Brother Fitzgerald and wife called, and 
presented ten dollars from his charge. When 
he left, he made a touching prayer. 

I am so thankful to hear from Brother Frank. 



ENJOYMENTS. IOI 

He is so kind to mother. I feel there is a provi- 
dence in their moving near home. During 
this Winter and Spring my health was variable. 
I had several bilious attacks, and had a relapse 
caused by the back of my chair giving way. 
From this I did not recover for several months. 
As my chair w T as becoming unsafe to recline in, 
I began thinking 'about a propelling couch, and 
prayed that a way might open for me to get 
one. Fannie M'G. proposed my taking an 
agency for the sale of "The Bible Looking- 
glass." Mr. Howe, of Cincinnati, favored me 
that I might be able to get the couch. 

I could only solicit those who came to my 
room, and was -much encouraged for a time ; 
then I became sick, and was just getting able to 
renew my efforts when, one afternoon, Peter 
came in with laughing eyes, saying: "Miss Jen- 
nie, Mr. Glenn says if you will be good and 
promise to ask no questions and shed no tears, 
he will give you a surprise ; and you are to make 
up your mind against he comes to tea. But 
I'll bet, don't you, Mr. Glenn?" he continued, 
as that gentleman came in, " that she can 't keep 
from crying if it's any thing very good." " Do 
you accept this proposition?" asked Mr. Glenn. 
"I will promise to ask no questions, but do not 
bind myself to shed no tears." "You need not 



102 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

promise the latter, ' ' he said ; "so here are seventy- 
five dollars for the new chair, which is already 
ordered. I can give no names." 

My surprise and what followed can be better 
imagined than described. They managed to sur- 
prise me, too, upon its arrival, for they had it 
brought up by express, and put me in it before 
sunrise. I will never forget the pleasure of 
being out doors and being able to move myself. 

May 20th. — I was impressed with our lesson 
on importunate prayer. Oh, how I feel my de- 
pendence ! I am so weak that my heart con- 
stantly yearns for strength and wisdom. I have 
just received the sad news of my dear uncle C. Bar- 
rett's death, after a lingering illness, of consump- 
tion. This is a severe trial to dear mother; she 
is now the last member of her father's family. 

I was thankful to see Rev. Dr. Scott and his 
invalid son. It was through them that I first 
heard of a propelling chair. 

June 8t/i. — I had a season of reading before 
our lesson. Peter begged of me to let him run 
my chair out among the strawberries and fruit. 
It is a treat to see the luscious fruit on the vines. 
Oh, how I love nature! How can I be grateful 
enough for this^ blessing on wheels ? Johnny 
Van Cleve came in, and I read for him under 
the arbor. In the afternoon I enjoyed several 



ENJOYMENTS. 103 

calls in my rustic place in the front yard. Lizzie 
and May H. brought me a nice treat; if I could 
have said something to impress upon their young 
hearts the importance of this mission of love. Oh 
the value of doing little things! How much is 
done for my comfort! How they all enter into 
any thing I enjoy ! Even Sport, the dog, is de- 
lighted with my being out here. 

June nth. — I feel the necessity of clinging 
closer to the cross of Christ, that I may be firm 
and true. I do desire to be more useful. I can 
not endure the thought of my life being a blank. 
I feel so grateful for the lovely surroundings, yet 
a feeling of sadness now and then comes over me. 

July $tk. — I went to church to-day in my chair, 
for the first time. By kind management, I was 
spared the embarrassment of meeting the con- 
gregation. Brother Tuttle preached from 1 Cor. 
xv, 35. It was a profitable sermon to me. I 
was led to view this suffering body in a different 
light from that in which I had seen it before. 
He described the resurrection of the body in in- 
corruption — with no pain, no sorrow — and the 
reality of these things came upon me with such 
force and assurance, that my heart was filled with 
joy. Many words of comfort came to us this 
day. 

In a few days Mrs. G. was taken very sick. 



104 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

I was poorly, and some of my friends thought it 
best to remove me until she was better; so they 
went to the store and proposed it to Mr. G. 
He would not listen to it, but referred them to 
Mrs. G. When they told her she said: "Why 
would you take her from me? It would be hard 
enough in health ; as I am now, I could not en- 
dure it." She was assured that I should not be 
removed, and that they had only feared it was an 
imposition for me to remain under sucj^i circum- 
stances. When they had gone, she called me. 
I rolled my chair up to her bedside, when she 
threw her arms around my neck, begging me, 
with tearful eyes, not to leave her. 

The last of August I went to the Second 
Methodist Episcopal Church. Brother Van Cleve 
preached from Phil, i, 9 — "And this Ipray, that 
your love may abound yet more and more." I 
felt the need of that love which casts out fear, 
suffering so much from a man-fearing spirit. I 
never attempted going out but the enemy as- 
sailed me, making it a cross. 

Soon after, I attended the first quarterly-meet- 
ing and Sabbath-school at the Second Charge. 
They had an old-fashioned love-feast. Dr. Lowrey 
preached one of his soul -cheering sermons. 
Brother Conrey insisted upon my going into the 
parsonage and remaining for Sunday-school. Just 



ENJOYMENTS. I05 

before dinner he came in, saying: "We are go- 
ing to dispense with, the usual lesson and have 
an experience meeting; and you, with others, 
must give your testimony for the children.'' 

I at once refused, feeling that I could not bear 
the cross, and begged to remain where I was and 
listen to the singing. Brother Conrey would 
not hear to it, but sent some of those I shrank 
from most in for me. After he had announced 
that Dr. Lowrey would speak, he said there was 
an old Sunday-school scholar present who had 
not been to Sunday-school for a long time, and 
then put it to vote whether the school wanted to 
hear her. It seemed to me that I would sink ; all 
physical and spiritual strength was gone. While 
Dr. Lowrey was talking, just as a boy would 
speak w r ith boys, my spirit groaned within me 
for words to be fitly spoken. I felt nothing 
could be said unless the Lord opened my lips. 
As brother Conrey turned my chair facing the 
school eternity loomed up before me, terror of 
man fled, and I realized, with weight, the value 
of those precious souls. I know not what I said, 
but it came from the heart. When I returned 
home the enemy made me feel that I had injured 
myself and the cause of my Savior, and that I 
never could face this people again. I spent most 
of the night in prayer. 



106 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

November i8t/i. — How often, when blessings 
come and deliverance from deep trials we can 
say, as the disciples said unto Peter, "It is the 
Lord." I do desire to discover more fully the 
workings of the Lord in little, every-day occur- 
rences. I was almost overcome last evening 
when the sad news reached me that Brother Jim- 
mie was going to St. Louis. It was such a relief 
when he finished his trade, and I thought he was 
now situated so that he could assist and be with 
mother. I know it will be a severe trial to her, 
but we must trust and pray that all may be 
directed for the best. I hope our lives may be 
spared to surround once more our little family 
altar. I can say "it is the Lord" who gives 
grace sufficient for every trial. My physician 
brought a patient to see me who at times has 
cursed God for having to suffer so much. I trust 
the Lord will make me a blessing to him in my 
weakness. 

December ist. — All nature is clothed in a 
mantle of white. How beautiful it looks, with- 
out a footprint to mar its beauty. Oh for a heart 
as clean and pure. Yet the Psalmist says, "Wash 
me, and I shall be whiter than snow." (Psalm li.) 
My heart goes out after the many poor souls 
who are not so comfortably housed, who dread 
to see such a storm. The thought helps me to 



ENJOYMENTS. IOJ 

realize the blessings I enjoy. Mr. Glenn talks 
of going to Europe, so I must appreciate the 
blessings while I have them, for I must soon 
leave here. Dear brother has reached St. Louis. 
How it cheers my heart to find from his letters 
that our parting season will not be forgotten! I 
am glad I read the thirty-fourth Psalm. I was 
so tempted to neglect having prayer with him 
before our separation. I am thankful I gave him 
Weaver's "Hopes and Helps for the Young." 
I felt it would be a blessing to him. 

January nth, 1869. — Perhaps I have been led 
through peculiar trials in order to prepare me to 
enter more fully into the sorrows of others. I 
fear I do not comfort the troubled heart at all 
times as I should do. How much I see of 
others' sorrows ! Brother Conrey brought me a 
package of tracts. May a blessing rest upon 
each one of them. I will read and apply them 
to my own heart before I give to others. 

Since making this record I have almost con- 
stantly used tracts, which have been as bread 
cast upon the waters. 

January 23d. — I do feel sad. I have struggled 
hard with self to bring every opposing will into 
subjection with the divine will. I desire to lie 
in the hands of my Father as clay in the hands 
of the potter, to do just as it seemeth good in 



108 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

his sight. I want to feel that every trial is sent 
in pitying love to bring us nearer to Jesus. It 
is a trial for me to leave this delightful home, 
although, Providence permitting, a few weeks 
more and I will be at home. I promised brother 
Conrey to spend the Sabbath with them and 
attend quarterly-meeting. 

January 2$tk. — I was at the parsonage. I had 
a restless night until near morning, then awoke 
early, tried to concentrate my thoughts in ear- 
nest prayer for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. 
When I went out to breakfast the pleasant sea- 
sons I had spent in that dining-room on different 
occasions brought up many reflections of the 
past. My heart is sad, I am suffering so much, 
yet I do find comfort at the throne of grace. 
Sister Bassett called, saying the doctor felt I must 
come there this morning and recruit my strength 
before going home. Accordingly, they took me 
over to Dr. Bassett's, and just as they reached 
the door my limb took a severe paroxysm ; my 
suffering was intense. This prostrated me so I was 
weak in body and mind; during the night their 
little boy was taken very sick. I tried to devise 
some plan to go home, but every way I could 
turn seemed blocked up. In this dark hour 
sister Brand came in, laid her hand on my head, 
saying, "Cheer up, Jennie, dear; think how the 



ENJOYMENTS. IO9 

Lord has cared for you." She read from the 
tenth and fifteenth Psalms, ''Every beast of the 
forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand 
hills; I know all the fowls of the mountains, and 
the wild beasts of the field are mine. If I were 
hungry I would not tell thee; for the world is 
mine and the fullness thereof. Will I eat the flesh 
of bulls or drink the blood of goats? Offer unto 
God thanksgiving, and pay thy vows unto the 
Most High ; and call upon me in the day of 
trouble ; I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify 
me." She said, "Your Father hath said this. 
Think how rich you are. Can't you trust him?" 

I saw new beauties in the Psalm I had so 
often read before. I was comforted with the 
assurance of deliverance. Within two hours 
brothers Thompson, Fitzgerald, and Conrey 
came, and told Dr. B. they had made arrange- 
ments for me to stay at sister Leslie's until 
health and weather permitted my going home. 
Brother Thompson then made a touching prayer, 
which was a balm to my sore heart. 

I told them my severe sufferings were noth- 
ing to compare with the trials of being so much 
trouble. 

Brother Thompson said : 

"You must not feel nervous about being a 
burden. That is what we are here for, — to help 



110 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

each other. The Word says, ' Bear ye one an- 
other's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.' 
So we take pleasure in helping you to bear the 
adversities of life. And let us not weary in 
well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if 
\ve faint not." 

For several months I was led in a strange 
way. I could not then understand why some 
peculiar trials were permitted, yet I knew there 
must be a purpose in my faith being so severely 
tried. My great desire was to look upon the 
bright side, and profit by every trial. 

Sister Leslie and hep daughters were very 
kind to me. We had many precious prayer- 
meetings on Sabbath afternoon, and scarcely a 
day passed without calls spent in profitable con- 
versation, often with singing and prayer. Never 
can I forget the dear Urbana people. I have 
never been able to, nor can I, express the grati- 
tude I owe for the multitude of kind acts be- 
stowed. 

On my way home the friends in West Liberty 
had it arranged for me to spend a few days there 
and rest before going out home. My ride was 
too much for me. I had a severe paroxysm, 
and was very sick for several days. Soon after 
this I had one of my attacks of heart trouble^ 
Dr. Jones was called, who said a few T minutes' 



ENJOYMENTS. Ill 

delay, and he could not have saved me. Before 
I regained my usual strength, I had another par- 
oxysm, followed by a severe bilious attack. I 
was at Mr. Henkle's, who went for mother. 
They despaired of my life again. Dr. Bassett 
and Mr. Glenn came to see me late Monday 
night. I was very low; but Dr. Jones had 
baffled the dangerous symptoms, so the change 
was for the better. 

Mr. Glenn bent over me with tearful eyes 
and tremulous voice, saying: 

"I am so thankful your life and reason are 
spared until I have reached you, and can speak 
to you once more." 

He expressed many regrets at the change 
which had been made, and insisted, if I recov- 
ered so that I was able to travel, that I must 
come back to their home. 

During each day of the week some Urbana 
friend came to see me. My heart was cheered 
to see dear sister Glenn. They feared the result 
of my going home in a private conveyance ; but 
I could not be reconciled to the thought of not 
visiting home before going back to Urbana. 
Mother had gone out home the morning sisters 
Glenn and Young came up. When she came 
back I said to her: 

"Dear ma, what do the children think?" 



112 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

With a trembling voice she answered: 

"We want to do whatever will be for the 
best; but we all feel, if you do not get home 
now, we will never all be together again. " 

She turned, and went out of the room. 

I said to sister Glenn: 

"I must visit home. I feel strength will be 
given me for the trip." 

With streaming eyes she said : 

"I see it is your duty to go home now; but 
how I will long for the time when you will come 
back to me!" 

It was six weeks before I was able to leave 
Mr. Henkle's. There I spent some pleasant 
seasons, as well as at Mr. Blackburn's and 
Cousin Peter's. We cherish the memory of 
many kind people in West Liberty. 




Cliaptei' XI. 



HOME AT LAST. 

|-ULY 7, 1869. — I can say, from my 

[£ heart, "Be it ever so humble, there 's 

§P^> no place like home." I am so weak 

h and weary, but oh how thankful I have 




stood the trip so well ! It is in answer to 
prayer; for I did most earnestly ask, and 
I believe special strength was given me. Brother 
Huffman was very careful in bringing me out. 
Dear mother and the children are so rejoiced to 
have me home. , Every thing looks so natural it 
seems but a few weeks since I went away. 

How happy I am ! I was so blessed at wor- 
ship this morning. Our home is very humble, 
yet Ave may make it one of the happiest spots on 
earth. It seems like a little paradise to me; 
and yet how many would think it destitute of 
comfort ! 

I am so thankful the way has opened for 
Brother Jimmy to make as much here as in St. 

8 113 



114 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Louis. Sister Sallie spent the day with us, the 
first we have all been together for over five 
years. I was quite sick for some clays ; but after 
I rallied from this I was better than I had been 
for months, and continued so during the Sum- 
mer, except the few days I would be prostrated 
by the paroxysms, which would occur every six 
or eight weeks, or more frequently if suddenly 
jarred, or if an attempt w T as made to let the 
limb down, 

Mother was feeble most of the Summer. It 
was a great satisfaction to me that I was able to 
use my hands. I could do many little things to 
help her and cheer my dear brothers, who I felt 
were so young to have the responsibility of a 
family resting upon them. When Brother Jimmy 
finished his trade, he determined to settle up old 
accounts; then he bought a cow, put a new roof 
on the house, and repaired it generally. Doing 
all this with their limited means, and providing 
for the family, I feared they would become dis- 
couraged; but the only lament w T as that they 
could not do more to make home more com- 
fortable. 

I enjoyed doing what I could in the way of 
making feather-work, thread - frames, and fancy 
work of different kinds to sell. Besides, I had 
several agencies of pictures and books. The 



HOME AT LAST. 1 1 5 

first thing done was to get my room papered 
and painted. 

I did not have the privilege of attending 
church on the hill until August 8th. I heard 
our pastor, brother Howison, preach from the 
text : * ' I exhort, therefore, that first of all sup- 
plications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of 
thanks be made for all men." 

He brought us to realize the individual re- 
sponsibility that rests upon us. When he spoke 
of the care we should have for our pastor and 
for each other, my thoughts went back to those 
who watched over and kept me in the Church, 
that have gone to their long home since last I 
met with them. I came home with Mary L. 
from church. I love to visit this home and talk 
of early experiences. 

As they rolled me through the gate, a picture 
of years gone by came before me. Father L., 
tottering with age, leaning against the gate-post, 
placing his hand on the head of a young girl 
who, with tearful eyes, was gazing into his face, 
listening to the admonitions which proved a 
blessing. Little did I then know of the sufferings 
and sorrows before me. While here, I was happily 
surprised to see a carriage drive up with Mr. 
Glenn and wife, Dr. Bassett and wife, and Mrs. 
Thompson. We had a delightful visit together. 



1 1 6 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

The week following, a fishing party went up 
to the lakes, and they called again. The colored 
man had Sport, the dog, with them. Mr. Glenn 
brought him in. It was amusing to see how 
quickly he recognized his old friend, and had 
quite a time coaxing me to go with them. 

August 1 8, 1869. — My birthday. "He that 
followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall 
have the light of life." (John viii, 12.) I know 
by experience as long as we are trying to walk 
in the footsteps of our blessed Savior, we have 
the light of the Holy Spirit to guide us. But I 
am conscious that I am following at too great a 
distance, and with too slothful steps. But oh, 
how much he has brought me through during 
this year! I have great reason to praise his 
holy name for all his benefits to me. I am 
thankful we closed the last night of my twenty- 
seventh year with a glorious prayer-meeting. 
What a privilege to have the prayer-meeting 
here as our turn comes. Oh that I may improve 
the time allotted to me more fully. There is so 
much to do, temporally and spiritually, and I ac- 
complish so little. Not one day has passed since 
my return home, without more or less calls. 

A friend presented me with a fine pea-fowl; 
the feathers are so valuable in my work. Our 
dear pastor and several friends will take tea with 



HOME AT LAST. II7 

us. I know it will be a pleasant and profitable 
season, for I am so happy my heart is filled with 
praise. 

August 26th. — After worship, I wrote several 
letters. Miss K. called with a lovely bouquet. 
It added to the cheerfulness of my room, and I 
knew it would give pleasure to dear Nora S., 
who is much less favored than I am in beholding 
the beauties of nature. I enjoyed the scenery 
in going to her home. It looked so natural to 
see the old school-house and the favorite pond 
where we loved to see the ducks and geese swim 
in our childhood days. I am so glad I went to 
see her and her dear sick mother. Poor girl ; she 
is sorely afflicted, and placed under trying circum- 
stances. My chair would not go through their 
room door, but, as they said, it was a comfort to 
be thus near each other. 

It was sad to see her mother helpless in one 
bed and she helpless in the other, surrounded 
with so few of life's comforts. Yet how sweetly 
they are trusting. It fills my heart and blinds 
my eyes with tears when I think of the glow on 
her lovely face as she said : 

"How I have longed to see you once more 
that we might have this talk face to face. You 
do n't know the good you have done me. I did 
not realize it so much as since my afflictions. I 



Il8 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

often think of the time you taught me to read in 
the Sabbath-school, and there made impressions 
that I am now reaping the benefit from. I owe 
all I am, through God, to your instrumentality." 

Much was said to encourage perseverance in 
the path of duty. It was* a day well spent, and 
one long to be remembered. I came down to 
Sister Sallie's, and will sperid a few days with hex. 
How sweet their little prattling Charley is! 

September 6th. — We had prayers after break- 
fast. I do hope we can get up earlier; so we 
will not be hurried with worship. While mother 
was at her work, we had a talk about her experi- 
ence while I was gone, when she had to depend 
on her own labor for her bread, and some of the 
children sick so much of the time. Sister Sagers 
called at the window. I told her the corn and 
meat she sent mother was laid up in the treasury 
to wait its reward. 

My visit to my afflicted friend was of great 
value to me. I had felt grateful for the blessings 
I enjoyed, and was as happy in our home as any 
one it seemed to me could be. Yet I fully real- 
ized the contrast between our circumstances and 
those with whom I had been so long ; and not 
coming in contact with any who were really 
placed in more limited circumstances than our- 
selves, I was not able fully to appreciate the 



HOME AT LAST. II9 

blessings we enjoy until permitted to see by 
contrast what they were. 

Our family altar, the prayer-meetings, and 
the liberty of holding sweet conversation with 
our Father's children, and the surroundings in 
temporal things, were all more precious to me 
than ever. The afternoon I returned home, 
I had a profitable visit from Rev. Mr. Hoadly. 

I enjoyed exceedingly the labors and visits 
of brother Howison. It was quite a trial to see 
him leave us. But we felt that he who is not 
willing that any should perish, but all should 
come to repentance, would send whomsoever he 
will. Brother Ferguson took his place. The 
desire of our hearts increased to see the work 
revived. I felt the need of it daily in my own 
heart to prepare me to work more effectually 
with other souls, and thus aid our dear pastor. 

In September I had quite a sick spell, and 
was not able to do any thing for several weeks. 
On recovering from this, we had another visit 
from Mr. and Mrs. Glenn, Dr. Bassett and wife, 
who came prepared to have a feast of fat things. 
They well knew what would be a treat to us. 
It was a visit long to be remembered. Sister 
Glenn was sitting by my side, when Mr. Glenn 
said: 

"Well, when are you coming back home?" 



120 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Then she kissed me, saying: 

"Yes, I think our baby has had a long visit. 
It is time she was coming back to us." 

We talked the matter over. I knew I would 
have more of life's comforts to be with them ; 
but I could not be selfish. My great desire was 
to be wherever I could be the most useful in the 
little I could do. This was at home. So the 
stay with my loved ones was protracted a few 
months longer, with arrangements to go back to 
Mr. Glenn's at the furthest in May. 

My dear mother and brothers felt they could 
not give me up for a while at least. Between 
my sick spells I could accomplish considerable. I 
made arrangements with Mr. Loveless to make me 
a show-case. He favored me greatly by taking 
a book and the remainder in work. When this 
was done, I bought ten dollars' worth of notions, 
and Miss M'Gowan sent me a lot of goods on 
commission to begin with. While it was but 
little, it was a comfort to be able to help this 
much. 

For several months there was considerable 
sicknesss in the family. An accident next door 
to us enabled me, more than ever, to appreciate 
the use of my hands. Miss N. fell down stairs 
and broke both arms. The thought of her suf- 
fering affected me very much. God tempers the 



HOME AT LAST. 



121 



wind to the shorn lamb; so in all our afflictions 
we found grace was sufficient for us. 

"And if it be thy holy will 
That we shall suffer aught of ill, 
Ope thou the springs of peace and rest, 
And we amidst our cares are blest." 



Chapter' XII. 



SAD NEWS. 



i te pjlPN January, 1870, my friends again de- 
'^^li^ s P a * re d of my life. I was very low, 



I 



** but I could not feel that the time of 
my departure had come. While ill, I was 
strangely exercised about Mr. Glenn. 
Brother S. wrote for me an impressive 
letter. He thought it would be my last message 
to Mr. Glenn's family, and expressed my grati- 
tude, and the anxiety I had to meet them in that 
land where I knew they would be rewarded for 
their kindness. 

The next Friday's mail brought me several 
letters, but I was too weak to read them ; there 
was none, however, from the Glenns. My 
brother opened the Urban a paper and threw it 
carelessly on my bed, and, as I raised it up to 
fan myself with, I read, in large print, "Death 
of Isaac Cooper Glenn." Just above it was the 
report of a serious accident to Mrs. Glenn, with 



SAD NEWS. 123 

a statement that her recovery was doubtful. The 
shock was almost more than I could bear ; yet I 
felt there was a Providence in my seeing this, for 
it would have been kept from me through fear 
of the result upon my nervous system. Mrs. 
Glenn was injured by a fall on Wednesday; her 
husband was well as usual until Sunday. On 
Monday he was attacked with apoplexy, and was 
not able to leave his room, but was not con- 
sidered in danger until within a few moments of 
his death, on Tuesday morning, at seven o'clock. 
He had received my letter on Monday, and I 
was so thankful that I had written it. 

January 1st. — The Presbyterian and Methodist 
Episcopal Churches commenced a series of union 
meetings. Nearly one hundred souls were taken 
into the two Churches; among the number sev- 
eral of our own household, and others in whom 
I was much interested. My heart was made to 
rejoice, for it had bled for those who were out 
of Christ. Some who had taken the dear name 
in vain, and sought for pleasure in earth's vanity, 
had turned from the creature and found happi- 
ness in the Creator. The interest in our prayer- 
meetings was greatly increased, as was also the 
individual responsibility of the Church; for there 
were many tender lambs to be cared for. Our 
hearts may well rejoice when souls are brought 



124 T1IE VALLEY OF BACA. 

into the Church; but how important that we 
continue our interest and see that they become 
established in the narrow way that leads to life 
everlasting. We fear many souls have gone 
astray for the want of a kind word in season. 
I made some pleasant visits at the homes of 
several new converts, who began their Christian 
career by erecting the family altar. To witness 
this filled my soul with joy; to me, this is an 
all-important duty. In April we had a profitable 
visit of several weeks from Mrs. Glenn. My 
faith was often exercised, and, I trust, confirmed, 
in temporal things. The Urbana friends did not 
forget us. 

April 21 st. — This was a lovely day. I had 
suffered considerable physically, and passed 
through a cloud spiritually, * but my sky was 
again clear. I was in a happy frame of mind 
when brother S. drove up to our door. I noticed, 
before he halted, a beautiul roll of carpet on his 
wagon. A few moments more, and, to my sur- 
prise, he laid it down by my side, saying: ts \ 
was ordered in Urbana to leave this here, but 
that is all I can tell you about it." Soon a letter 
came from sister Hedges, stating it was a token 
of kind remembrance from the friends in Urbana. 
We felt the need of a carpet so much, that I had 
made it a subject of prayer that I might be able 



SAD NEWS. 125 

to get one with the books I had to sell. I could 
not doubt it; I knew I had the petition I desired 
of God. 

Soon after this, Mr. Espy gave me a lot of 
writing material and stamps, for which I was so 
thankful, as it enabled me to converse with 
absent friends. 

Monday, June i$th. — I feel the need of exam- 
ining my heart more closely, that I may know 
myself as God knows me. I know I am not as 
patient as I should be. I let little things try me 
too much, and they often cause me to speak too 
quick. This is one of my greatest faults. I must 
overcome this. Oh that I may advance in the 
divine life, keeping an eye single to the glory of 
God and the happiness of all around me, culti- 
vating more of a sunshiny temper so the rays 
will reflect when there are clouds of little trials 
to contend with. These very little things are 
unconscious influences, doing their work for 
good or evil. I am thankful I was able to 
finish mother's dress and complete Dicky's sur- 
prise. We all enjoyed it. But how little I can 
do, my heart troubles me so much. 

. My health continued variable until the last of 
June. I did not then rally from the paroxysms 
of pain as usual. The only relief I could get 
most of the time was by keeping a fifty-pound 



126 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

weight of marble on the limb. I was very sensi- 
tive to a jar, and when taken out with care was 
greatly benefited by the change and fresh air. I 
was taken by Dr. Huston, my kind physician, to 
his home to spend a few days. Being near the 
Presbyterian Church I enjoyed the privilege of 
their communion season. As we returned from 
Church the marble accidentally slipped from the 
limb, causing much pain, which increased until 
during the afternoon; a paroxysm ensued which 
threw the marble and other weights on the floor. 
It required several persons to control it. After 
two hours of terrible suffering some one said, 
"Oh, if we could only relieve you." Their hearts 
were full of sympathy, and finally they granted 
my request and sang in a sweet voice ' ' Blest be 
the tie that binds." As they sang, the sound 
seemed to vanish farther and farther away, until 
the last I remembered it was like angels' singing 
in mid air. I became unconscious and was very 
sick for several days. 

July 6th. — They brought me down last even- 
ing to brother Smith's. I stood it well consider- 
ing how weak I am. This is a delightful place, 
and so quiet. I can see the beauties of the sur- 
rounding country and all over town as I have not 
done for eight years. What a view ! I enjoyed 
it beyond expression. My heart exclaims, " O 



SAD NEWS. 127 

Lord, how manifold are thy works! In wisdom 
hast thou made them all. The earth is full of 
thy riches." The Psalmist must have been where 
he could behold and meditate upon the wonders 
of nature when he wrote these words. 

July gth. — Having suffered much through the 
night I enjoyed the break of day and the lovely 
sunrise. Then I got a refreshing sleep. I do 
enjoy this quiet retreat. I feel so weak both in 
body and mind, but the dear Lord knoweth our 
frame ; he remembereth that we are dust. Brother 
Ferguson called. He w 7 ill take a number of pro- 
bationers into full connection next Sunday. I 
trust they will realize the importance of being 
prepared for this solemn duty. How I desire that 
my loved ones may be fruit-bearing branches. 
I had a profitable talk with brother and sister S. 
They feel as I do — the need of being more zeal- 
ous. There is so much to do in this community. 

July 2 is(, — Oh that I may be able to place 
my all, friends, body and soul with strong faith 
in the hands of Him who doeth all things well ! 
I had a visit from Dr. Loofborough and a pati- 
ent, Miss J., who has been much benefited 
by the use of the equalizer. We made arrange- 
ments for me to. go to B. next week. I suffer so 
much that if there is relief for me I feel like 
grasping for it. But I can hardly endure the 



128 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

thought of leaving mother. Oh, how true, 
"There's no place like home." I have felt sad 
ever since I began getting ready to go. Last 
night as mother kneeled at my side and prayed, it 
seemed her heart was too full for utterance when 
she spoke of our separation. I thought no one 
can feel as a mother. Brother seems so discour- 
aged. All are sad ; they say it is so lonely when 
I go away; but we must cheer up and be thank- 
ful that I can leave mother so comfortably situ- 
ated. I know grace will be sufficient. 

Monday, August ist. — After securing me in 
the wagon, with a hearty "good-bye," we left 
home and many friends. We arrived at Dr. 
Loofborough's near noon. By having the limb 
well strapped so it could not throw off the marble 
I stood the ride better than we had anticipated. 
Yet my suffering was great and increased until 
I had a severe paroxysm that night from a sud- 
den attack of my heart, which came near being 
fatal. Mother remained with me several days. 
Wednesday they moved me up-stairs into a very 
pleasant room. That night Professor Ogden and 
a number met to sing in another part of the 
house. It was a rich treat of music, being far 
enough awav to have a soothing" effect. I was 
greatly relieved of the pain about the heart by 
the equalizer. This encouraged mother. Dr. 



SAD NEWS. 129 

L. and wife were exceedingly kind, as also were 
all about the house. Mother was soon convinced 
that I was in good hands; yet it seemed an un- 
usual trial to separate. I was so thankful, I 
was more comfortable when she had to leave me. 

I soon felt quite at home. Mrs. L. was one 
of those congenial spirits who always have a 
cheering word and pleasant smile that make 
strangers feel as though they had always been 
acquainted. IVfy room was very cozy and pleas- 
ant. Being on elevated ground, we had a com- 
manding view of the surrounding country. A 
lovely landscape spread out before us. I could 
go through the hall into other rooms, where I 
had a change of scenery from different views. 
I had never been situated before where I could 
enjoy as from my window a complete view of 
sunrise. 

Oh, how my heart expands with gratitude to 
Him who rules the mighty universe for the privi- 
lege of lying where I may gaze until lost in 
wonder, love, and praise at the beauty of his 
own handiwork! 

Monday, August i$th. — lam so weak. How 
sick I have been since I wrote last! I was so 
glad to see dear mother. It was so kind of 
brother H. to bring her. I had a profitable 
talk with him. I feel a deep interest in his spir- 

9 



130 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

itual welfare. He has been a great sufferer, and 
can sympathize with the afflicted. 

Brother Williamson, the United Presbyterian 
minister, is very kind to manifest so much in- 
terest. Being acquainted with him longer than 
any one else, it is soul-cheering to see him often. 
He always administers comfort. I had often 
heard Auditor Smith's name mentioned, but 
did not suppose I knew him until he came into 
my room. It was a happy surprise. Though 
we belong to the numerous family of Smiths, we 
are only related by the precious bond of Chris- 
tian love. He is a dear brother in Christ. 

Tuesday, August \6th. — I had a restless 
night, but after treatment and a refreshing sleep 
I feel better. The morning was quiet and pleas- 
ant. Near noon, Rev. Mr. M'Cartney, a Coven- 
nanter minister, came up to my room, and spent 
a. brief but profitable season. I don't wonder 
this family love their pastor ; he is so interesting. 
Dr. S. and Dr. F. called to see me, and after 
examining my case, gave much encouragement. 
Several ladies and brother Newton, the Method- 
ist Episcopal pastor, came in, and we had a 
profitable conversation with prayer. 

One of the interesting features of the day was 
the account given of three invalids known by 
Mr. M'Cartney, Mr. Newton, and Dr. F., all 



SAD NEWS. 131 

of whom were worse off than I am. One suffered 
sixteen years, and then recovered. How little 
we know of the sufferings in this world! How 
impressive the remark, ''The afflictions of earth 
are designed as blessings to the faithful." The 
principle underlying the divine administration 
is, "All things work together for good to them 
that love God." How much encouragement we 
can take from this when we think that it in- 
cludes every event of life. 

Saturday, August 20th. — Faith is as necessary 
to the soul as the sun is to the world. "My 
faith is too weak and love too cold." Oh for 
a closer communion with my Savior! I desire 
to be resigned and bear all with a cheerfulness 
that will convince those around me that grace is 
sufficient. 

September 2d. — I am weak both physically 
and spiritually. May this drive me nearer to 
my Savior, who alone is my strength! I had a 
talk with Anna G. Our afflictions have been 
so similar that we can sympathize with each 
other. We realize that our afflictions do not 
spring out of the ground, but are permitted for 
our good. Rev. J. Wykes came in to see me, and 
sung, read, and had prayer. His words concern- 
ing my afflictions and trials were very consoling, 
and have helped me to renew my vows. 



Ctjkptef XIII, 

NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 



1Sfa*k 




SEPTEMBER 8, 1870.— I feel very weak, 
^ as I had quite a spell with my limb 
|pf last night, and was poorly all forenoon. 
Dellie came in and handed me the Belle- 
fontaine papers, saying: 

"There is something for you to read — 
Dr. Fulton's commendation of yourself, books, 
and work." 

No one can imagine what my feelings were. 
Dr. Fulton said to me a few days ago: 

"I am going to put a notice of your books in 
the paper, and if I make a note of character, you 
must not be flattered; there is sometimes danger 
in such things." 

I told him I was aware of that ; but how little 
he knows of the trial it is. I know I am grateful 
for the interest; but, oh, this pride! What else 
can it be that gives me such a dread of coming 
before the public? 

132 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 1 33 

I know many people have so little chanty for 
one as poor and helpless as I am. The notice is 
too flattering. Would that I were a more meek 
and patient Christian! I feel the need more than 
ever of living nearer the feet of Jesus. This 
drives me closer to my refuge. I can surely say : 

" 'T is good for me to wear the yoke, 
For pride is apt to rise and swell; 
'Tis good to bear my Father's stroke 
That I might learn his statutes well." 

September gth. — To-day they lay the corner- 
stone of the new court-house. It was a big day for 
Logan County. Rev. L. F. Van Cleve, of Cincin- 
nati, delivered the address. When they spoke of 
the tin box placed in the corner-stone, I thought 
if that court-house stands until time takes it down, 
what changes will occur before fche eye of man 
again beholds the county papers and other relics 
in that box. It was a treat to see brother Van 
Cleve, who has been a friend indeed. He is 
always trying to get something to save my 
working so hard. When he came in, I noticed 
the package he placed on the table, saying, as 
he sat down at my side: 

"Now don't laugh. I happened to see a 
lot of goods that can be bought very cheap, so 
I brought a few samples; and since I see the 
work you have on hand, I would advise you to 



134 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

sell notions at the fair. If you can make ar- 
rangements to do so, I will get the goods for 
you on time." 

He then took out his pencil to mark the con- 
tents of the package. I was amused and con- 
founded with gratitude to see the variety packed 
in so small a space. There were pins, needles, 
thread, buttons, hose, gloves, handkerchiefs, col- 
lars, polishes, and other things too numerous to 
mention. How kind he is! But few men would 
think of such a thing. Through his influence I 
had obtained several agencies. With these and 
my work I expected to help brother pay my 
expenses. For a time I was at a loss how to 
accomplish my aim. I could not do it by the 
small sales I w T as making; yet for these and 
many blessings *I can say it was by prayer and 
supplication with thanksgiving I let my request 
be made known unto God. In the darkest 
hour we always have something to call out 
thanksgiving. 

I was grateful when able to use my hands, 
and the desire of my heart was so intent upon 
my purpose that many prayers were mingled 
with the work I was preparing for the county 
fair. I felt that without a blessing I could not 
succeed. So my previous exercise of mind 
made brother Van Cleve's coming a special 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 1 35 

providence. After consideration, I took his 
advice, made my arrangements, and sent for the 
goods. Dr. Fulton, Mrs. Loof borough, Mrs. 
Jackson, Mrs. Powell, Mrs. Smith, and Mrs. 
Daily kindly offered to act as committee to sell 
the goods at the fair-ground, which commenced 
October 6th. I had made over thirty pieces of 
fancy-work, and from the sales, they made, clear 
of all expenses, nearly sixty dollars. How 
grateful I felt for this timely help, and the in- 
terest manifested by the people ! 

The medical treatment I have been receiving 
proved effectual. I was greatly benefited in 
every respect, except that the paroxysms con- 
tinued ; nothing could prevent them. 

Circumstances were such I felt I could not 
continue to board ; but, as I experienced so 
much relief by the equalizer, my physician de- 
sired to continue its use. So he proposed to my 
mother, who had spent the fair week with me, 
to rent a room and board ourselves, as we could 
thus live cheaper. But to do this we must leave 
part of the family at home, which at first seemed 
impracticable. I was much exercised about it, 
but wanted to do whatever would be for the 
best. I was satisfied I could do better in B. 
with my work than at home, and I felt if the 
two youngest children could attend school- there 



I36 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

one term it would be an advantage to them. 
For a time the way was hedged up. A friend 
said to me: 

"I would advise } t ou to board, if possible ; 
for I know what the expenses of living here are. 
Besides, to break up your family might ruin the 
boys; for they would in a manner feel homeless." 

I was looking to the interest of all, and felt 
deeply the weight of his words. I could only 
commit my way unto the Lord, pleading divine 
direction by him who knew what was best. I 
could not feel but that it would be a good move. 
A visit from my dear brother assured me he was 
of the same opinion. He brought the sad news 
that Brother Dicky was going to Kansas. 

October 20th. — I do not feel as well, having 
had a restless night. There must be a purpose 
in my being brought so often into obscure 
places, where I can not see in which direction 
my path lies, and my sky overhead is dark. 
But the Lord always has delivered me. I will 
glorify him, for I know he will do it now. I 
fear the rest of the family will look to my inter- 
est, regardless of their own. If it be the will 
of Providence, I believe he will provide a house 
and open the way for mother to come. I feel 
resigned, whatever the issue shall be. 

October 24///. — I have been reading Hunting- 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 1 37 

ton's ''Bank of Faith," and feel constrained 
to depend more and more upon Providence. I 
know it is my privilege to exercise the same faith, 
and receive as remarkable blessings as did the 
author. Reading his experience, and looking 
back over my own, I have enough to confirm 
my faith in the little things of every-day life. 

How delighted I was to see Minda M'Gowan 
and sister F., of Urbana! She brought me a 
nice present. The Lord put it into her heart. 
He knew my need of a dark wrapper. 

November 1st. — I spent a restless night, and 
am weak and nervous. I had almost given up 
mother's coming to B., but sister Kelly sent 
Emma up w r ith a lovely bouquet, and a note 
stating she had seen Mr. D., and we could get 
suitable rooms opposite the Methodist Episcopal 
church. I can not pray as I desire, but my con- 
fidence is strong. I know the Lord is better to 
me than all my fears. The doctor and wife, also 
her sisters, the Misses Johnson, manifest much 
interest in my welfare. I love them more every 
day. Brother K. told Mrs. L. , this evening, 
about the rooms, and wanted her to go and see 
mother and have her come, by all means. 

Saturday, $th. — I am thankful the doctor and 
his wife went to mother's; for it was the next 
thing to going myself. 



I38 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

I feel this morning that I have multitudes of 
blessings to be grateful for. I am glad to know 
things are working favorably, and all feel cheer- 
ful ; yet it is a severe trial for all, and especially 
for mother to divide her family into three parts, 
She will have to prepare things for Dicky to 
take to Kansas with him. It looks impracticable 
for us to make the change with our limited 
means, as we must make a carpet, procure bed- 
clothes, get a stove, and many other things nec- 
essary for our little room here. But I w r ill trust, 
doing all in my power, remembering that our 
Father knoweth we have need of these things. 
"The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, 
to the soul that seeketh him.'" (Lam. iii, 25.) 

How sweet it is to observe his footsteps, even 
in the minutest things, and to be satisfied that 
we may trust our greater and lesser concerns to 
his care! I had quite a sick spell, was very 
weak and nervous for some days, but my mind 
was stayed on God. I could trust, although my 
pathway was very dark. 

At this time I was strengthened by a visit 
from Mrs. L. \s father, t always felt, with little 
Mattie and Frankie, delighted when grandpa 
came. His visit was precious, and especially 
the reading, singing, and prayer at worship. 

I cherish the memory of my associations 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 1 39 

with the entire family with grateful emotions for 
their untiring kindness. I made many little 
things a subject of prayer, especially that I 
might effect sales that would help me get ready 
to move. I expected the answer, but was not 
prepared for the manner in which it came. How 
true it is that "in his own way the Lord will 
provide." 

I had ordered a package of notions from 
Urbafia, and had just opened them, when the 
express again drove up with another box from 
the same place. It was indeed a surprise to find 
it filled with the very articles I so much desired 
to get. There were two comforts, one large 
one, and one with a blanket for my bed/ with a 
dress for mother, and other needed articles, be- 
sides several cans of fruit, and a package of 
sugar and coffee, from brothers Dixon and Hap- 
persett. The ladies, Mrs. Thompson, Young, 
Hitt, Leedom, M' Go wan, and Donaldson, sent 
the remainder. Following this, sister K. sent 
her little girls up with a beautiful double wrap- 
per, from "The Ladies Christian Association" 
of B., with a note expressing their deep sympa- 
thy in my affliction, and requesting me to accept 
it from my sisters in Christ as a token of friend- 
ship and interest in my welfare. 

After this another special providence was 



140 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

observed. We were twice disappointed in get- 
ting a house ; and, while in doubt what to do, 
Mrs. M'Kee called. She told us we could have 
rooms with her until April; and she would also 
make arrangements for a stove, so that we should 
not need to buy one. 

December jth. — We moved to our new place 
to-day. I was carried down-stairs the day before, 
so I was rested for the move. It seemed quite 
home-like, but we all felt sad, as Brother Dicky's 
last act before starting to the West was to bring 
mother to B. It was our last night together. 
Never will we forget the first time our loved 
ones kneeled around the broken altar of our 
new home. Mother's prayer evinced the im- 
pression of her heart that we would never be 
reunited on earth. Yet in the fullness of her 
heart she could say, "Thy will be done," if we 
are only permitted to make an unbroken family 
in heaven. I can *not write but with deep emo- 
tion of the parting scene that followed. In 
imagination I seem to live over the last few mo- 
ments spent with my darling brother, whose face 
I have not since been permitted to behold. As 
he approached me to say "good-bye" he kneeled 
at my side, threw his arms around my neck, say- 
ing, "Oh, pray once more before I go." How 
his last words still echo, "Don't forget to pray 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 141 

for me." How precious is the privilege we have 
had of remembering him at a throne of grace 
during the years of his sojourn in a distant land. 
One who was acquainted with the dangers and 
privation through' which he had passed, wrote, 
"You can well praise God, for it was surely in 
answer to prayer that the life of your boy was 
spared. His escapes from the savages and other 
dangers are marvelous." Our new home was 
very pleasant. Mr. Roof, of Urbana, and Mrs. 
Aull, of Bellefontaine, let me have toys and 
notions on commission for the holidays. These, 
with my books and fancy work, made our room 
seem quite cozy. Now my ambition was to 
succeed with these so I could pay off my bills. 

Monday, December igth. — A stormy morning. 
Surely the Lord has led me in a way I know not 
and made me a special care. Oh that he may 
bless and direct the loved ones who are more 
worthy than I am. My heart goes out after suf- 
fering ones who have not wherewith to prepare 
for such weather. My experience with the stings 
of poverty has enabled me to appreciate the ten- 
der mercies I now enjoy. 

I was glad to see Rev. Mr. Rapp. We have 
not met for six years. He says he has made use 
of my afflictions in demonstrating what grace can 
do. His conversation and prayer were very 



142 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

encouraging to help me be more patient and 
resigned to my lot. Sister Hayes came in with 
him. Her afflictions are severe. I am glad we 
are near, as we can be a comfort to each other. 
I feel very grateful for the many little acts of 
kindness done by her. 

Saturday, December 31^. — Another week and 
another year almost gone and I am still in the 
land of the living, suffering and battling with 
life's cares, while many of my fellow-creatures 
have passed from time into eternity. How sloth- 
ful I am and how unworthy! May the thought 
of eternity quicken my devotions, my wants 
make me more earnest, my backslidings make 
me persevere, and may I never willfully give 
way to distrusting thoughts. Oh that I may 
always present myself before God with a firm 
faith and hope in his promises and mercy. May 
I wait with patience and leave it to thee, my 
God and Father, how and when to grant my 
petitions. 

Several of the brethren came in, and we had 
a season of singing and prayer before going to 
watch-meeting. Although suffering, I am grate- 
ful I can use my pen and enjoy this privilege. 
How solemn I feel as the last hours of the old 
year are passing away! When my race is as 
near run, oh may I be prepared for an abun- 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 143 

dant entrance into the everlasting kingdom of 
our Lord. 

New-year s day, 1871. — I spent the day with 
profit, mostly alone with Fannie and Dannie. 
After a week of severe suffering and work, I 
could say, "Welcome Sabbath, sweet day of 
rest." I commenced the year with new resolves, 
and passed much of the day in prayer and re- 
viewing the past, feeling the necessity of being 
watchful. My text for the 1st of January was, 
* ' Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth 
take heed lest he fall." 

My trust was strong in the Lord, and I realized 
the danger of trusting self. Amid many cares 
we are too prone to let temporal things rob op- 
portunities of reading the Scriptures and holding 
sweet converse with Him who gives strength for 
every duty. 

Mother spent the first week of the new year 
at Spring Hills. It was very lonely for sister 
Mollie and brother at the old home. They have 
furnished us with butter, meat, and flour most 
of the Winter. This has been a great help. 

The commission on my sales being small, it 
was all we could do to pay bills and keep up 
incidental expenses. We never valued or en- 
joyed time more than during this Winter. We 
felt the need of much prayer, meditation, and 



144 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

reading of the Word to enable us to improve the 
calls and duties of each day. The first of each 
year the covenant, with my dear friend S. M'C, 
of fasting and prayer, was renewed. She sent 
me as a New-year's gift the Ladies Repository 
for two years, and every year has remembered 
me with some token of love. 

January 28t/i. — I did not think my journal 
would lie idle so long. For some days I was very 
sick, and, in addition to this, my limb had a 
paroxysm. I realized that Dr. L. , Dr. F. , and 
others were doing all in their power to relieve 
my intense sufferings. My body would draw 
nearly double ; as they turned my head back on 
the pillow, they seemed in an agony to relieve 
me. I said, "Oh, what would I do if Jesus could 
do no more for me than you can?" With this 
thought I was overwhelmed with a sense of his 
presence. It seemed to me his arms of everlast- 
ing love were around and underneath me. My 
soul was filled with joy amid my sufferings. Oh 
that I could always have such feelings of trust 
and confidence. It seems to me I have returned 
to mingle with the things of this earth. I feel 
condemned for being so anxious about these tem- 
poral things as my strength increases. I know 
every pain and trial is permitted for my good. 
It brings me nearer the Savior. Oh for more 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 145 

wisdom to comprehend the loving kindness of 
Jesus our Lord ! 

We will never forget the kindness of the peo- 
ple here. May the Lord reward each one. 
Mother was just considering how she was to get 
wood, when brother H. drove up with a load, 
which he presented to her ; and one evening two 
sisters brought a basket of potatoes, sugar, and 
other needed articles. Sister Newton surprised 
me with a new double wrapper. We had constant 
reason for thanksgiving. Our religious privilege 
was a great source of strength and comfort. 

The brethren of the Christian Church held a 
prayer-meeting, weekly, among their members. 
They kindly included us, and, as our turn came, 
\ve enjoyed this meeting in our home for nearly 
two years. They, with their pastor, Rev. Mr. 
Brandon, were friends indeed. Sabbath after- 
noons I would watch for the faithful brethren 
and sisters to come from class, and if two or 
three came in, we improved the time profitably. 

One morning I was in a frame of mind that 
gladly welcomed a Christian call. Through a 
peculiar Providence I met, for the first time, Rev. 
. Mr. Philips and Rev. Mr. Taylor, Baptist minis- 
ters. Their words were full of comfort and in- 
struction. They read and made remarks on the 
fourteenth chapter of John, closing with prayer. 

10 



I46 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Brother P. startled me by saying, "Jennie, 
wouldn't you like to preach? You said you 
are willing to do or suffer any thing that would 
be to the glory of God. I am going home to 
attend my Young People's Meeting, to-night, in 
Kenton, so I want you to preach to them by 
letting me give your experience of suffering, and 
how grace has supported you." His conversa- 
tion was profitable, for at this time I was sorely 
tempted on this point. It was a cross to consent 
to come before the public in any way. 

Soon after this, one lovely Saturday afternoon 
in March, the friends prevailed upon me to go 
out. I spent a pleasant night at brother Jack- 
son's, and Sunday morning the brethren took me 
down to church. The enemy assailed me, but I 
gained a victory by going. It w 7 as a feast to my 
soul to hear a sermon. Brother Newton preached 
from the text, "Fear not, little flock, for it is 
your Father's good pleasure to give you the 
kingdom." He made it so clear that I could 
now see why I had been called to pass through 
peculiar trials. He dispersed the clouds, and 
gave us a glimpse of that better clime. After 
preaching there was general class — another pre- 
cious season. 

From the church they took me into Dr. Wat- 
son's, where I had a good rest, then enjoyed 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 1 47 

dinner, and a treat of music by Professor Ogden. 
In the evening I went home with brother J. R. 
Smith. My visit at his house was of unusual 
interest. On Tuesday sister Daily had a dinner 
party, where I much enjoyed the day. 

A few evenings after this, sister Brunton sent 
a basket of good things, stating they were com- 
ing to take tea with us. The little party of that 
evening were those who had held sweet counsel 
with us in that little room. But the time had 
come w r hen we must make a change. Earnest 
prayer was offered for divine direction. A house 
was found for us, but I could not feel it was the 
place to which we ought to go. I was so exer- 
cised about it I sent a note to a friend, asking- 
united prayers that we might not make a mis- 
take. A few hours afterward my brother-in-law 
came and proposed our taking a double house 
together. I was pleased with this, for it was a 
relief to be near his family, as he could move 
me with more ease than any one else. The last 
day spent with dear sister M'Kee is one of sacred 
memory. The sisters of the United Presbyterian 
Church held their prayer-meeting in her parlor. 
It was a precious meeting. Rev. Mr. William- 
son and wife, with others, remained for tea, after 
which we spent a pleasant evening in exchange 
of experiences. 



I48 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

As I was poorly, sister Hayes insisted upon 
my spending a day or two with her while mother 
was moving. I was so nervous I felt grateful 
to be where it was quiet. I enjoyed the society 
of this family. All, with Miss Maggie D., were 
exceeding kind. They made my visit, though I 
was suffering intensely, a pleasant one. 

I was much exercised about a bill that was 
due; but during the prayer of brother Belt, 
whom I met for the first time, I was enabled to 
cast my burden upon "Him who will fulfill the 
desires of them that fear him." While in con- 
versation with brother Belt my soul was filled 
with a sweet sense of the Savior's love; I felt 
assured all was in his hands. 

After a dreadful paroxysm of pain and suffer- 
ing, my limb became easier, but I was still very 
weak. I was trusting in God, but did not realize, 
in my ambition to help myself, that I was dictat- 
ing to him when I asked him to help me to 
make the required sum. In his own way, how- 
ever, he provided just the amount needed. Rev. 
Mr. Thompson had procured from a fund twenty- 
five dollars, which they felt was due me, and 
sent it by the hand of Rev. Mr. W., whose timely 
call was a benefit spiritually, as well as tempo- 
rally. I was perfectly overcome. I felt like a 
little child taking a gift from a father's hand ; it 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 149 

comforted my heart to think he knew how I 
appreciated it, and how I desired to trust him 
fully. 

April "] tli. — I went home, and was much 
pleased with our new place. Brother K. fixed 
a place to hang a lovely basket with its plants 
and vines, which his wife sent me. The pleas- 
ure this gave me was a daily reminder of the 
giver, whose health was so poor that we could 
not meet often. It was a source of strength that 
we could exchange notes in our affliction. I 
often think how expressive a little plant or bou- 
quet is from the hand of friendship, and how 
much it cheers and brightens a sick-room. 
Those who have the privilege of, going out and 
enjoying the beauties of nature do not realize the 
£"ood thev can do those who are less favored. 

I was much impressed with one incident. 
We had sold nothing for several days, and I 
felt constrained to ask in our morning devotion 
that some one might make a purchase that day. 
My faith was so strong that I was not surprised 
when Miss Sharp called and bought fourteen 
dollars' worth of goods. She told me she was 
impressed that she must get the goods of me. 

In my afflictions my greatest privation has 
been that of reading. I have made it a rule to 
have my morning lesson and a season for writing 



150 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

and reading a portion of some profitable work 
if opportunity was given. Generally outside of 
this I could not feel that the time was my own, 
for when able to use my hands, in order to 
keep up trade, there was always much to do. 
While my fingers were employed, I enjoyed 
hearing any one read; hence, I could appreciate 
the kindness of Dr. F., who came very often 
when able to read for me. 

I had a daily increased desire to get into a 
deeper experience. The Sabbath was a welcome 
day. I generally spent the forenoon uninter- 
rupted, but in the afternoon we nearly always 
had a prayer and experience meeting. Being 
near the Baptist Church, some of the members 
often came in after service, and from three to 
seven denominations were sometimes represented 
in these little accidental meetings. But few invalids 
have been more blessed with privileges than I, for 
which I praise the dear Lord. Scarcely a day 
passed without a number of calls. 

During this year more than usual came to 
converse on the all-important subject, and often 
those who were not professors. I felt the need 
in my own heart that grace and peace be multi- 
plied through the knowledge of God and of 
Jesus our Lord. Many felt as I did. For in- 
stance, a friend calling to have a special talk 



NEW ARRANGEMENTS. 151 

gave me his experience. He had been an active 
member of the Church for years, but felt he was 
a "spiritual cripple," and realized there was 
something in religion to which he had not yet 
attained. In reading the Bible, he could not 
claim many of the promises as his own ; then 
his sky was often dark and gloomy; trials easily 
vexed him, and in many ways his example did 
not recommend the religion of Jesus as it should. 
He said: 

"I want an experience that is more even; 
not such a zig-zag path, but one that will give 
more strength and power to work for the 
Master." 

He asked if my sky was always cloudless. 
I answered: 

"By no means; but I do not suffer with 
clouds as in former years. You have in part 
given my experience. Of late my convictions 
are the same. I could not believe in sanctifica- 
tion or perfect love. I felt that but few attained 
this blessing until just before they left this world 
of sin and sorrow. Yet I have peculiar feelings 
whenever I read the passages of Scripture per- 
taining to this subject. I read the works of 
Phoebe Palmer, Hester Ann Rogers, and others 
with a hungry interest. I know I at times taste 
of the same joys; yet I could not reach the ex- 



*$'< 



THE VALLEY OF BACA. 



perience they have. I can not understand it; 
but I do feel the fifty-first Psalm is my daily 
prayer. I must have more strength and power, 
or I can accomplish nothing in the cause." 




dl^|)tei< XIV. 



ENTIRE CONSECRATION. 




UNE 6, 1 87 1. — I had an unusual attack 
U with my limbs. The cramp extended 



^§^ through the whole body, so that it took 
six persons to keep me in my chair. My 
shoulders were bruised with the pressure 
I required to keep my body in place, and I 
suffered some hours from tetanus. For ten days 
I could only be fed with a spoon. It was a 
wonder to all that I recovered. I owe much, 
through the blessing of Providence, to the atten- 
tive physicians, the watchful care of loved ones, 
and many kind friends who came to our assist- 
ance. Through this terrible suffering I was won- 
derfully supported ; the Savior was near me, and 
I could say, "Thy will be done." I realized 
as never before that I had not comprehended the 
breadth and length and depth and height of that 
love which it was my privilege to enjoy. 

Several incidents occurred during this sickness. 

1.53 



154 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

As my chair required repairing, three friends 
presented me with a lounge, so that my limb 
might be strapped to it, and I could be moved 
with more ease. I had a thread-case I used only 
to keep little valuables in and money that I was 
collecting to pay bills. The day I was taken 
worse I had sold more than usual, and laid the 
case with its contents in my chair. The next 
day, after recovering from the stupor caused by 
the pain, I let mother know it was there; but 
when she looked for it, it was gone, and never 
could be discovered afterward. It contained 
fifteen dollars, besides a number of keepsakes. 
The loss, however, was partly made up to me. 
After some weeks I improved rapidly, until my 
general health was better than usual. 

July 8t/i. — I rested better, but am still weak. 
This is a lovely morning; the air is vocal with 
the songs of birds. My thoughts, I find, are too 
wandering. I want an increase of faith and love, 
a more zealous interest in the salvation of souls. 
It is with an eye single to the glory of God that 
I desire to attend the first national camp-meet- 
ing at Urbana, of which there has been much 
talk of late. He alone knows my need. But 
I will trust, and if it be his will,* he will open 
my way, so that I shall have the means and 
strength to go. 



ENTIRE CONSECRATION. I 55 

July 14th. — My way was closed up until within 
a few days of the meeting. Brother and sister 
J. R. Smith called and told us of the arrange- 
ment to. have a union tent on the camp-ground. 
They then presented me with a ready-made 
wrapper. Not long after this, a letter came from 
Rev. J. F. Conrey, inclosing eight dollars from 
friends in the Second Charge, with an invitation 
to come to camp-meeting. 

August 1st. — On receiving a dispatch from our 
friends we went to the railroad station, where I 
was carefully lifted, so as not to receive any in- 
jury, and placed aboard the train for Urbana. 
By the time we reached that place I was quite 
exhausted, but got a refreshing sleep after being- 
placed in the ladies' room. It had been arranged 
to take us to the camp early. The ride was de- 
lightful, a much-needed shower having refreshed 
all nature, and the scenery and atmosphere were 
invigorating to both soul and body. 

We spent the first day at brother Hitt's tent. 
They were exceeding kind. I could hear con- 
siderable of the service in the square. My feel- 
ings at first were so wrought upon that I was 
homesick. I felt like a child that wanted some- 
thing and could not tell what. I could not feel 
in sympathy with the meeting. As sisters Inskip 
and Shyrhia approached me next morning, I felt 



156 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

at once they had the experience my burdened 
heart was longing for. After I expressed my 
feelings, sister Inskip said: ''You want a pure 
heart, filled with love. Nothing but the all- 
cleansing power of Jesus' blood can give you 
this. Tears are of no avail. Give all to Jesus ; 
make a complete consecration, simply trusting 
him, and he will do the work for you." We 
then went to the great tabernacle, where we 
heard brother Coleman preach a powerful dis- 
course upon the gracious invitation, " Come unto 
me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I 
will give you rest." Oh how I felt the need of 
the renewing power of the Holy Spirit, and a 
more perfect consecration to God ! Scores 
thronged the altar of prayer, and at each service 
souls were delivered from the bondage of sin. 
I was greatly blessed, and at times very happy, yet 
the consecration was not complete. 

On Thursday, while listening to a sermon by 
brother Gray, from Hebrews vii — "Therefore he is 
able also to save them to the uttermost that come 
unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make 
intercession for them" — I was able to place 
all upon the altar, as I had never done before. 
I laid hold of the promises by naked faith, with- 
out any feeling. I took the Lord at his word. 
I accepted him as my complete Savior and Sane- 



ENTIRE CONSECRATION. 1 57 

tifier. After a time my peace flowed as a river. 
I saw the beauty of holiness, and realized how 7 
able he was to cleanse my heart from all sin. 
My unbelief had limited his keeping power by 
not living more in the present, trusting in him 
moment by moment. 

On Sabbath morning I w r as deeply impressed 
with the scene in the great tabernacle. Such a 
love-feast is seldom witnessed. I thought, If it 
is so glorious here, what. will heaven be, where 
' 'God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, 
and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow 
nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; 
for the former things are passed away. " How 
sweet the anticipation of the reunion in heaven; 
and that, too, with many of the acquaintances 
formed at this meeting. Rev. Alfred Cookman, 
who so soon after went "sweeping through the 
gates, washed in the blood of the Lamb," said 
to me: "Dear sister, you are a great sufferer, 
and almost helpless; yet you may outlive many 
of us who are on this ground." How true his 
words! Numbers have since gone to their long 
home. Brother Gunn, in a recent letter, says : 
"That camp-meeting has a history which does 
not end in this world, but I believe will reach 
far into eternity, swelling the numbers of the 
blood-washed throng." 



158 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Many were the incidents of those ten days, 
but space will not permit my giving them. The 
last evening, after the Lord's-supper was admin- 
istered (which was a feast to the soul), they all 
fell into rank} and slowly marched three times 
around the square, singing as they went. I 
never beheld a sight so solemn, and so suggestive 
of the world's march to the judgment, the great 
day of the final separation, as represented in the 
Gospel of Matthew. As I looked at the proces- 
sion, I wondered Who of that throng could say 
of this meeting, as many will be compelled at 
the last to say, "The harvest is past, the Sum- 
mer is ended, and w'e are not saved!" I returned 
home fatigued, but my health was improved. 
Our visit to camp was a benefit to both mother 
and myself, physically as well as spiritually. 

We had our last quarterly-meeting August 
26th and 27th. The brethren took me down to 
the church on Saturday afternoon — a privilege I 
had not enjoyed for years, and one, too, so lit- 
tle appreciated by a majority of our members in 
the Methodist Episcopal Church, at least it is 
not attended as it should be ; namely, the Satur- 
day sermons of our presiding elders. Rev. J. 
Wykes preached an excellent discourse from Mat- 
thew v, 8 — " Blessed are the pure in heart, for 
they shall see God." A shower came up, so I 



ENTIRE CONSECRATION. 159 

was compelled to remain for the evening service, 
after which it was still raining. I was rejoiced 
in being , thus storm-stayed. The dear friends 
were solicitous for our welfare, but when con- 
vinced of my heart's desire to remain in our 
Father's house all night, they consented, as it 
was convenient to make it comfortable for mother 
to sleep. That was one of the happiest nights of 
my life. During the day I read in Dr. Mahan's 
"Baptism of the Holy Ghost" an incident of a 
Scotch girl who, during the era of deadly perse- 
cution in Scotland, when on her way to a relig- 
ious meeting, was met by a company of mur- 
derous marauders and required to give her 
destination. She could not deny the faith, and 
would not reveal the place of meeting. At this 
moment the promise of our Lord to his disciples 
presented itself to her mind — "It shall be given 
you in that hour what ye shall speak." She 
lifted a secret prayer that God would give her 
what she should speak. Instantly these words 
suggested themselves: "I am going to my Fa- 
ther's house. My elder Brother has died. His will 
is to be read to-day, and I have an interest in 
it." The commander bade her go on her way, 
saying: "I hope you will find a rich portion left 
to yourself." This gave me a theme for prec- 
ious meditation — the power of prayer — and every 



160 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

time I woke my first thought was, I am in my 
Father's house, and I sweetly realized I had an 
interest in the blessed will through the death of 
the beloved Son. 

There was a heavy storm at daybreak, but 
my heart bounded with joy to think I was safe 
at church for the day's service. We had a glori- 
ous love-feast in the lecture-room, and then went 
up-stairs. Brother Wykes preached from the 
words, "If any man serveth me, him will my 
Father honor." His sermon made clear the path 
of duty for every Christian. During the love- 
feast, the sermon, and sacramental service, it 
seemed to me that 

" Heaven came down our souls to greet, 
While glory crowned the mercy-seat." 





CVaptei' XV. 



A CHRISTIAN S PRAYER. 



I want a meek, a gentle quiet frame, 

A heart that glows with love to Jesus' name; 

I want a living sacrifice to be 

To him who died a sacrifice for me ; 

I want to do whatever God requires; 

I want my heart to burn with pure desires; 

I want to be what Christ, my Lord, commands, 

And leave myself, my all, in his dear hands. 



^fia 



1 



fe^ 




|f CTOBER i, 1871, I again made arrange- 
ments to sell goods at the County Fair. 
The same committee of the year before, 
with Maggie D. and Adda T., offered their 
services. Allie S. took the responsibility 
of decorating my part of Floral Hall. Sis- 
ter K., Anna M., Flora D., Bell M., and a num- 
ber of little girls, made and donated several fancy 
baskets and zephyr bouquets. They all seemed 
anxious to assist me. My sister and myself 
worked up, during this Summer and Fall, fifty 

dollars' worth of yarn. The evening before the 

11 161 



1 62 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

fair commenced the committee came in, and we 
made, together, the necessary arrangements ; then 
brother S. closed with an earnest prayer. 

On Wednesday, as I was quite well, they 
thought it best for me to go out to the ground. 
It was a busy day. I had tracts to distribute, 
and I felt a heavy responsibility resting upon 
me, both temporally and spiritually. Our Bap- 
tist friends had the dining-hall, and were exceed- 
ingly kind. I was not able to go home and 
come back, so several of the ladies, with Sister 
Mollie, remained with me. We converted the 
secretary's office into a bedroom, where we had 
fire, and were very comfortable. As I told 
them, I never feel that I have the advantage of 
others except in the convenience of always hav- 
ing my bed with me. I was suffering and very 
weary, but part of the night I rested unusually 
well. On Thursday morning I felt better, and 
brother took me over to the hall early. It was 
a novel place to take up our abode, 

It was a lovely morning. The variety of 
scenery was grand beyond description ; the trees 
clothed with the varied tints of Autumn, the 
music of the rustling leaves, the insects, and the 
songs of birds, chimed in with the fowls and 
beasts of the stalls, until all nature seemed vocal 
with praise to its Creator. 



A CHRISTIAN'S PRAYER. 163 

There was much to be done before the crowd 
gathered; but before we were aware of it hun- 
dreds were on the ground. I felt it would be 
pleasant to have nothing to do but to greet my 
friends, that came from every direction. The 
crowd was immense, and by noon I was much 
fatigued. * My sufferings increased until I was 
obliged to leave my stand, and go to the dining- 
hall, where I could be more quiet. I suffered 
intensely, and w r as not able to be moved home 
until Friday. 

Several incidents occurred which manifested 
a tender spot yet left in the hearts of some who 
seemed to be hardened in sins. A gentleman 
at one of the tables manifested, as many did, a 
curiosity to know what was the matter. He 
approached me, and, after asking several ques- 
tions about my life and condition, handed me a 
dollar bill, saying : 

"I make my living by gambling; will you 
please take this and pray for me? My wife is 
one of the best women that lives, and if she 
knew to-day what I was doing it would break 
her heart." 

I felt the importance of the moment, and 
talked frankly with him. It was terrible to hear 
him tell of what he expected in the future; yet 
it would be his final doom if he did not reform. 



1 64 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

I requested to see his wife. He hesitated, 
then said : 

"I will bring her, if you will not tell her 
what I have said. It would kill her. And 
do n't you forget to pray for me." 

His wife was much affected when I gave her 
a tract, and spoke about her eternal welfare. 
Though I have never met them since, they, with 
others, have my prayers. 

I was overcome several times by kind w r ords 
and donations, which amounted to thirteen dol- 
lars. We sold a great many goods; but my 
profits were well taken up in paying for those 
left on hand, although Miller & Co., of West 
Liberty, favored me greatly by relieving me of 
my obligations. 

From the effects of this undertaking I had a 
severe spell of sickness, from which I did not 
recover all Winter. My limb became so unman- 
ageable an undertaker was employed to make a 
box, and thereby secure it to the chair. It was 
a great relief. 

We were often cheered and profited by the 
visits of ministers and friends, who came with 
tokens of love. 

"The saints should never be dismayed, 
Nor sink in hopeless fear ; 
For when they least expect his aid 
The Savior will appear." 



A CHRISTIAN'S PRAYER. 1 65 

October igth. — A beautiiul day. I am very 
weak, but feel better. I should be thankful for 
what God has promised, as well as for what he 
has given. The promises are as a rock and a 
refuge to me. How they have been verified 
unto us! Yet, do I read the Word with becom- 
ing gratitude, as well as with desire to learn? 
I can say, "I rejoice at thy word as one that 
finds great spoil." 

November 21st. — I have discovered the differ- 
ence in suffering with patience and with joyful- 
ness. I am thankful I know how to answer 
this question. 

We all feel much impressed with the news 
of brother Cookman's death. His last words 
have much weight: "I sweep through' the gates 
washed in the blood of the Lamb." 

What a glorious thought ! Oh, that we may 
all be prepared for such an entrance into the 
everlasting kingdom ! 

I had a profitable call from Rev. Mr. Calb, 
our Presbyterian pastor, and from some of our 
Methodist pastors. Brother Green, one of our 
good Quaker friends, with several others, called. 
This has been a profitable day. 

It is so encouraging, the way our young peo- 
ple take hold of the prayer-meetings. It will be 
a good school to train them for public work. 



1 66 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Oh, the importance of more interest being man- 
ifested in the young of our different Churches! 
I am thankful we can have a little union meet- 
ing exclusively for them. 

October 28///. — "Fear thou not, for I am with 
thee ; be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I 
will strengthen thee ; yea, I will help thee." 
Precious words! How can we shrink from any 
thing we may be called to pass through, when 
we have such a refuge? This is my comfort in 
my afflictions: " For thy word hath quickened 
me." 

"Thy Word is power and life; 
It bids confusion cease; 
And changes envy, hatred, strife, 
To love and joy and peace." 

Oh, for words that may be fitly spoken 
through this day ; while my weak fingers are 
doing their work, may my thoughts be so con- 
centrated that every thing will furnish a thought 
of prayer! I had a profitable talk with sister 
Taylor and Adda. What faithful friends they 
have been ! 

October 2gth. — This was a lovely Sabbath. 
The friends felt I would soon be shut up for the 
Winter, so they insisted upon my going to 
church. I enjoyed the sermon very much, also 
sister Downy's class. She can not realize the 



A CHRISTIAN'S PRAYER. 167 

good she is doing. How often, through life's 
battles, will the children of her class think of 
impressions here made! 

February 1, 1872. — On a big sled I was taken 
to-day to the photograph gallery, to have my 
picture taken. My friends said I must not re- 
sist, as I was their prisoner. My only objection 
to having my likeness taken was that I was not 
able to give one to each of my friends, and I 
could not think of selling it. In a few weeks 
Mrs. MTherson, a Friend, called. After con- 
versation and prayer, I felt it my duty to allow 
it to be sold. I gave her one dozen, and she 
soon sent for several dozen more, requesting 
that a note of explanation be put on the back 
of them, saying, "If thee will comply with the 
request of Friends, thee will find them friends 
indeed;" and such they have been. Over sev- 
enty-five dozen have been disposed of, and it has 
been a great help; yet I have had many battles 
with self to be reconciled to their sale, fearing 
lest I should be charged with vanity. 

Mother and I had been feeble all Winter, and 
accomplished little ; but we were able to take 
Jesus at his word, knowing he would not leave 
or forsake us. In the darkest hour we could 
trust, and see Providence employed in the hum- 
blest incidents of our daily life, not the least of 



1 68 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

which was the basket often sent by sister B. 
and others. 

In the Spring of 1872, a partnership was pro- 
posed. The prospect looked flattering and my 
way opened until I thought it was the will of 
Providence. I improved the opportunity, but 
it only increased my responsibility, and finally 
proved a failure, leaving me deeply involved. I 
have never since been able to regain what I thus 
lost. I could not understand why I was per- 
mitted to make this investment, but my con- 
science was clear. I had done what seemed for 
the best, and, in the midst of trying seasons, 
when confidence in human nature was shaken I 
was kept by power divine and comforted with 
the sweet consolation of the promises which I 
was able, in my weakness, to use with appropri- 
ating faith. Oh for a firm, unwavering trust in 
the providential care of our heavenly Father, 
who is bountiful in his goodness and able to de- 
liver and help us to profit by these trying cir- 
cumstances which are surely permitted for our 
good. I do bless the Lord and magnify his name 
for the peace I have in this dark hour of heavy 
responsibility. 

May \2th. — Friends came and took me into 
the Baptist Church, where I heard the Rev. 
Mr. Steinger preach an excellent sermon from 



A CHRISTIAN'S PRAYER. 1 69 

Romans xii, 1: "I beseech you therefore breth- 
ren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your 
bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto 
God, which is your reasonable service." I pro- 
fited by and renewed my covenant to be a living 
sacrifice. I enjoyed the blessed privilege of 
remaining in my Father's house until the after- 
noon prayer-meeting. I can not call to mind 
when I enjoyed such a prayer-meeting in church 
before. My soul was filled unutterably full. If 
every one could only realize what a privilege it 
is to go to church, how much more interest 
would be manifested, especially in the prayer- 
meetings. 

Sister Leonard brought me dinner, as she says 
any thing away from home tastes better to one 
that has a poor appetite. Sisters Shur and Price 
have also often remembered me with their good 
things. 

May i$th. — I enjoyed a meeting held by Dr. 
Boardman and wife, Miss Drake, of Boston, and 
Rev. H. Belden, of New York. Their subject — 
"The Higher Christian Life" — was discussed 
with profit. Also their calls were a feast to our 
souls. Miss D. was at one time a great sufferer, 
and hers was a more hopeless case than mine. 
Her experience in being healed strengthened 
my hopes of recovery, although the physicians 



170 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

feared the result of a formation in my side at 
this time. 

When brother Belden bade me good-bye he 
presented five dollars. Soon after this a lady, 
whom I never met before, Mrs. G., purchased 
goods to the amount of eleven dollars, including 
a piece of embroidery made by sister D., of 
Urbana, who, after I sold it for her, presented 
me with the money. We were at that time out 
of wood and nearly out of provisions, and I was 
pondering what to do about using any of this 
money when the expected agent called. I paid 
him all I had, rejoicing that I could do so, and 
trust Him who had provided this bill. 

An hour afterward sister S. came in and 
bought a two-dollar tidy. Almost immediately 
brother R. drove up with a load of wood and 
informed us that brother M. gave us the wood, 
and that he had hauled it without charge. My 
heart was filled with praise to Him who had made 
our wants his care. 

June 16th. — I had the privilege of hearing my 
blind friend, John S. Van Cleve, deliver a pointed 
and instructive sermon from the text, " Remem- 
ber now thy Creator in the days of thy youth." 
(Eccl. xii.) He read the chapter, explaining 
each verse. What lessons we who have our sight 
can learn from him who was not yet of age, yet 



A CHRISTIAN'S PRAYER. 171 

had graduated three times, and was then taking 
a course at Harvard College, Boston. He is 
surely an example of perseverance to the youth 
of our land. 

For a long time I was urged by numerous 
friends to write my experience. When very ill 
I sometimes thought it was my duty to glorify 
God in this way; but, as soon as I became able 
to write, I felt it was only man's will. I w r as so 
thronged with work and other duties that I had 
few opportunities to sketch the past; and I was 
so strangely exercised, I felt I was not capable 
of doing it; and then I could not endure the 
idea of having it published. At the mention of 
the undertaking, my very being would tremble. 
I could not be reconciled to the thought of it. 
This became almost a daily occurrence. One 
friend was so impressed he told his wife in the 
night if Providence permitted, he was going the 
next day to insist upon my doing it. He did 
not know any one else had proposed it. Others 
came to me in the same way. I was so pressed 
until I earnestly sought to know the Lord's will 
in the matter. In my heart was a yearning 
for souls. I had an intense desire to be useful, 
but could not realize this would accomplish a 
work. 

June 20th. — Rev. Mr. Plank, an Ornish min- 



172 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

ister, called to see me. We had met once before. 
He told me he was so impressed he could not 
rest until he sent for the history of a colored 
invalid, Chloe Lankton, of New Hartford, Con- 
necticut, and brought the book to me. It was 
a marked Providence. Chloe's book was a spe- 
cial blessing to my soul. There was a comfort 
in the thought that she was living. I desired 
to know more of her, so a correspondence was 
opened between us which has been of great value, 
I trust, to both of us. 

July 24th. — Dear Lord, thou knowest what I 
am, and what I desire to. be, a living sacrifice. 
Take me, soul and body ; do with and for me as 
it pleaseth thee; only make me a fit temple for 
the indwelling of the Holy Spirit; may I be in 
thy hands the instrument of doing some good. I 
bless and praise thee for what my soul has real- 
ized of thy blessed rest in faith's way, this sweet 
contentment of being swallowed up in thy will, 
ready to go or to stay, to do or to suffer, as 
thou wilt. 

I was deeply impressed this afternoon with a 
pitiable scene at the Court-house. A woman sat 
in the prisoner's dock, where I could see her 
from my window. When the Judge sentenced 
her to- jail, she threw up both hands and gave 
one piercing scream after another. I could hear 



A CHRISTIAN'S PRAYER. 1 73 

her screaming until they reached the jail. As 
I gazed upon her countenance hardened with 
crime, I thought of the value of her immortal 
soul, and the plan of salvation that was provided 
to rescue the most vile and desperate if they will 
only come to the Savior. What a change would 
be wrought in human society if the precious 
blood of Jesus w r ere savingly applied to every 
sinful heart ! The thought strikes me with double 
force, Do we, as a Christian people, do our indi- 
vidual duty in such cases? We have only one 
life in which we can toil for humanity and 
heaven. That gone, the opportunity to achieve 
results for God and the race is fled forever. Let 
us stop here and in the light of eternity, with a 
sense of the responsibility that rests upon us, 
ask ourselves the question, Do we patiently per- 
severe in the effort to save the fallen from eter- 
nal destruction? That awful and infinite peril, 
the accusing conscience whispers to every human 
soul; yet we often hear it said, "Oh, they have 
become so hardened they have no conscience.' ' 
I believe there is a strain that, could the right 
chord be touched, would sound in the deep of the 
hardest heart. Oh for a baptism upon all our 
Churches, a more complete realization of the 
value of souls. I fear we are too nice and care- 
ful; we are not as willing to risk our reputation, 



174 



THE VALLEY OF BACA. 



our all, for Christ's sake as we should be. May 
we see to it, earnestly and always, that we shall 
not be found wanting when the last account of 
life is balanced before God. 

"Let me work now, for all eternity, 
With its immortal leisure, waiteth me." 




Chapter- XVI. 



SPECIAL PROVIDENCES. 



"God, the Creator, reigns above, 

And watches all whom lie has made. 
He rules the world in bounteous love, 
Sees the distressed and sends them aid." 

UGUST i, 1872. — "Let your conver- 
ts sation be without covetousness, and be 
content with such things as ye have; 
'3M> for he hath said, I will never leave thee 




nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly 
1 say, The Lord is my helper." (Heb. xiii, 
5, 6.) Blessed promise! We can rest upon this 
in the most straitened circumstances. I am 
blessed and relieved in committing my all into 
the hands of Him who rules the universe. I 
will trust our God, for I know he will direct 
and open our way through the misty clouds. 
"Thou hast put gladness in my heart more 
than in the time that their corn and wine in- 
creased." 

i75 



176 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

I was happily surprised to see cousin L. B. 
She, with all my friends, are anxious for me to 
go and see Dr. F. I will not be able to work 
long if I don't get the better of this trouble in 
my side. At this time, when my way was 
hedged up, I received, by mail, two dollars, 
with nothing but the reference, "Isaiah lxvi, 5." 
We could not solve the mystery, as the post- 
mark was obscure. My comfort was, He who 
provided would bless and reward the donor. 

The second national camp-meeting, at Urbana, 
commenced August 18, 1872. We received a 
number of letters urging us to come. Rev. J. 
W. Gunn sent us means to come on, and we 
concluded to go by way of the camp-meeting to 
Columbus. .We had evidence of the Master's 
will; therefore, we knew strength would be given 
for the journey. We arrived at camp Saturday 
morning. I suffered very^much in body, but my 
soul was filled with joy to be permitted to enter 
once more these sacred grounds, where they kept 
me quiet for the day. The first incident that 
occurred was my meeting with father Sites. One 
year ago he prevailed upon me to write to his 
little granddaughter, Anna B. Sites, in Foo- 
chow, China. He now brought me the answer 
which he had received just before he started to 
camp. 



SPECIAL PROVIDENCES. 1 77 

Sabbath morning just before worship Deacon 
J. came into the tent where I was, saying: 

"I have come to this meeting determined to 
have a blessing. I feel that a Presbyterian can 
enjoy just as much as a Methodist." 

We were all profited by the lesson read, 1 
John, chapter v. Brother S. and brother Daily 
kindly took me under their charge. After the 
interesting love-feast, we heard an excellent ser- 
mon by brother Osborn. Between the afternoon 
services I remained in the tabernacle, as it was 
a good place to distribute tracts. During a con- 
versation a gentleman approached me. I ad- 
dressed him, and gave him my card with the 
motto on it, "Are you saved .by grace •?" He an- 
swered : 

U I understand you are helpless. If doing for 
a poor cripple girl like you makes a man a Chris- 
tian, I am one; otherwise I make no profession." 

He then presented me with two dollars and 
walked away. He afterward brought a measure 
of peaches, and was very kind during the even- 
ing, but told me he came here for pleasure; that 
he was a skeptic, and did not believe in any thing 
of this kind. 

During the afternoon a heavy storm arose. 
The tall trees bent low their proud heads as they 
swayed to and fro, and the large tabernacle quiv- 



178 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

ered in every joint. It was a scene of great ex- 
citement. The center pole came partly down, 
but not a drop of water oozed through the heavy 
canvas. Soon the song of praise was heard 
above the tumult of the storm, and all was calm. 

The evening services were to me peculiarly 
impressive. I was suffering very much; but I 
received such a baptism of the Spirit that I lost 
all consciousness of my pain and surroundings. 
It was a foretaste of that rest which remains for 
the people of God. I never experienced before, 
through a spiritual blessing, such a relief from 
bodily pain. I was so happy that I desired to 
remain all night where I was. It w r as a precious 
resting-place, and hundreds slept in the tabernacle. 

Five o'clock services the next morning were 
just over when Mr. H., my strange friend, ap- 
proached me, and wanted to know if there was 
not something he could do for me. I thanked 
him for what he had done, and said that I hoped 
his time here would be improved in spiritual 
things, and that I would pray for him. He 
replied: 

" I do beg of you not to distress yourself about 
me, but promise if I can be of any service to 
you to let me know. I am on a pleasure tour, 
and this will give me more pleasure than any 
thing else I can indulge in." 



SPECIAL PROVIDENCES. 1 79 

He insisted upon it, and brought me a nice 
breakfast. I was embarrassed, for I could not 
understand him. He noticed my embarrass- 
ment, and said: 

"You think strange of the interest I have 
manifested; but that you may know my motives 
are good, I feel that an explanation is due to 
you. Twelve years ago I lost the dearest friend 
I had on earth. She was stricken down and lay 
as you do for five years. I was about to leave 
the ground yesterday; but seeing you, I was 
forcibly reminded of her, and the promise I 
made to be kind to the suffering. For her sake 
I beg you to let me be your friend." 

One of the ministers on the ground afterward 
told me he was a wealthy architect from Boston. 
He said it was evident the Lord was leading 
him, and it was my duty to let him do for me, 
as no one could take exception to it, and I must 
do all I could for him. I went to the tent, 
where I spent the remainder of the day quietly 
distributing tracts. 

Tuesday was memorable on account of the 
outpouring of the Spirit and many incidents that 
occurred. I enjoyed the afternoon services, the 
children's meeting, and the altar exercises, which 
were very impressive. We met a number of 
dear acquaintances after a long separation, and 



l8o THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

mother saw her oldest relative living, a nephew, 
A. Fithian, whom she had not seen for twenty- 
four years. 

Just as the evening services began we were 
surprised by another tempest, which came so 
suddenly it almost created a panic. The loud 
peals of thunder, the vivid flashes of lightning, 
with the great canvas heaving like a rolling bil- 
low, made the scene terrifically grand. The con- 
gregation seemed awe-stricken in beholding the 
power of the Almighty displayed in the warring 
element. I thought, Oh how important that in 
all the storms of life we be prepared to meet 
the dangers and sorrows with prayer and praise. 
Amid all the excitement I was kept calm and 
composed. My chair was placed on the plat- 
form, and I felt that we had a very precious 
meeting. 

It was a delightful place to sleep, beneath 
the rich promises inscribed in large print on the 
banner of holiness. I rested better than usual 
during the night, and it was a feast to be here 
for morning meeting. To my surprise, they 
would not move my chair from the stand. It 
was a great cross to be in such a conspicuous 
place. I shrank from the appearance of putting 
myself foreward, but was greatly blessed in 
yielding, for I felt this was permitted to humble 



SPECIAL PROVIDENCES. l8l 

and conquer more fully the man-fearing spirit. 
All who were there will remember the meeting 
of that morning. 

After noon Mr. Hanson prevailed upon us to 
go over to the Piqua boarding tent, where we 
met with a warm reception from Rev. Wm. I. 
Fee and many of his good people. Mr. H. 
treated us all to ice-cream. We had a profit- 
able season, and I remember with gratitude the 
kindness of those whose names I forget, but 
I trust they are written in the Lamb's book 
of life. 

As Mr. Hanson intended going to C, they 
prevailed upon him to remain and accompany 
us. On Thursday I was taken to brother 
Thompson's in Urbana. It seemed natural to 
be near Mr. Glenn's old home, around which 
clustered so many memories. On Friday, after 
greeting many friends at the depot, we took the 
train for Columbus. When we arrived at Cousin 
A. Barrett's my suffering was intense. I was 
soon prostrated by a severe paroxysm of pain, 
and they had to watch over me through the night. 
He who sanctifies to our eternal well-being what- 
ever he allows us to suffer here was precious to 
my soul, and through this night of suffering the 
sustaining power of grace accomplished more 
than all efforts otherwise had done. 



1 82 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

It was our intention to return home at a cer- 
tain time, in order to meet our obligations; but 
the physicians at once said my side was in a 
critical condition, and unless I remained under 
treatment here free from care, I could not be 
benefited. I had committed all into the hands 
of Him who I knew was able to assist, and now 
in my helplessness I could do nothing but-trust 
him more fully. Sabbath w T as my birthday. On 
Monday I was still very sick. Mr. Hanson 
brought me a number of delicacies and spoke 
of a birthday present. I thanked him, saying:' 

"You have already done so much for me." 

He answered: 

"It is nothing compared with what you have 
done for me." 

Just as he left the room he placed in my hand 
fifty dollars, to be used wherever it would do 
the most good. He afterward presented as 
birthday keepsakes a large album, a handsome 
gold pen, and several articles he discovered were 
needed. I could but exclaim with tearful grati- 
tude, How wonderful are the workings of the 
Lord ; through what mysterious ways he will 
provide! Little did I expect help to come 
through such a source. Through this and other 
donations, with the photographs that had been 
sold, we had sufficient to defray expenses, and 



SPECIAL PROVIDENCES. 1 83 

on mother's return home she settled a bill of 
sixty-nine dollars. Prayer, truly, 

"Gives exercise to faith and love, 
Brings every blessing from above." 

I was benefited by the treatment of Dr. 
Freeman, who was a friend indeed. Many 
memories are connected with this visit; for my 
dear cousins and friends used every effort to 
make it pleasant. After some weeks Mr. H. 
returned, and spent a brief season in C. While 
here he had made arrangements for a social picnic 
at the Park. With many friends, we were per- 
mitted to admire the beauties of nature, — fount- 
ains, cascades, rockeries, and other things. 
After social conversation and music came the 
luxuries furnished by Mr. H. for the entire com- 
pany. All enjoyed the occasion, especially the 
children, and it was a season well spent. Some 
of the number have since gone, we trust, to that 
home where kind acts will be rewarded. 

At camp-meeting, I promised several minis- 
ters I w r ould go to work in earnest, and note 
past experiences as they came to mind. When 
able I improved the time, both at Cousin A. 
and Cousin T. Barrett's. One morning I was 
much exercised in a point of duty. Rev. C. A, 
Van Anda and sister L. called. I felt the Lord 



184 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

had sent them. During their conversation and 
prayer they unconsciously gave me the desired 
light. Other friends came in often to see me, 
and I enjoyed through intercourse with them 
many a spiritual blessing as an answer to prayer. 

October 1st. — I suffered an attack in my limb, 
and was very sick for several days. We had 
the advantage of medical advice; but very little 
encouragement was given that I should recover 
the use of my limb, yet they did not destroy 
that hope which has ever buoyed me up. 

I was reminded by the seared trees and bleak 
winds of the approach of Winter, for which we 
were not prepared ; yet as often as I found my- 
self planning for the future, this text came for- 
cibly to mind, "Your father knoweth that ye 
have need of these things." This text gives the 
blessed assurance, and experience confirms it, 
that He careth for us even in the smallest 
things. 

I have had a precious feast alone with my 
beloved Savior. Praise the Lord, O my soul, 
for what I feel this morning in the glorious priv- 
ilege of calling the ruler of this universe Our 
Father ! One even as unworthy as I am can 
trust him for what we need. As I looked up 
this morning, there at the gate was my dear 
mother, who came to take me home. She has 



SPECIAL PROVIDENCES. 1 85 

moved into the house I long desired to get. I 
felt confident the right place would be pro- 
vided. 

I am thankful brother T. has repaired my 
chair, sq I can travel more safely. I must soon 
part with the dear ones here who have been so 
kind. I hope to see Aunt Mary B. again before 
we leave. 

Sister. M. called to see me, and, after a pleas- 
ant interview, said : 

"I trust you will not be offended if I interest 
myself in your welfare. I am impressed that I 
can be of some assistance to you." 

Accordingly, the next day she and her 
daughter called. Mrs. H., with tearful eyes, 
said to me: 

4 'My dear, we are much interested in your 
welfare, and I am thankful I have met you. We 
feel you are one of Christ's children, worthy of 
our sympathy and love, and it will give us pleas- 
ure if we can do any thing for you." 

She then inquired about the very articles I 
was in need of. Tears of gratitude started to 
my eyes, as through their kindness I was made 
made comfortable for the Winter. Besides, 
sister M. presented mother with a beautiful 
double shawl, and sister F. gave me a wrapper. 

Could I doubt the immediate administration 



1 86 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

of the Mighty Counselor? Oh, how I was 
humbled to see these peculiar providences ! 
Those dear friends could not realize the good 
their kindness did. 

October \$th. — We started for Urbana, where 
our dear friend, brother Dixon, arranged for me 
to remain with them a few days. I was very 
much fatigued with the journey, but the quiet 
and rest soon restored my strength. On Sab- 
bath I was permitted to enjoy a love-feast at the 
Second Charge. The Local Preachers' National 
Association convened at this time. It was a 
feast of love that time can not obliterate from 
memory. During the greetings of many friends, 
brother W. said : 

''Jennie, since we last met here the Lord has 
blessed me wonderfully, spiritually and tempo- 
rally ; so please accept this;" and, to my sur- 
prise, placed in my hand a note. When I re- 
turned to brother D.'s, I found it was five 
dollars. 

On Monday, the evening before I returned 
home, Rev. M. P. Gaddis took tea with us. 
He came to see about my writing, as he had 
urged me to the work. I was grateful for the 
providence that brought us together; for I felt 
if he would pass his judgment upon what I had 
written, he would not encourage me to go on 



SPECIAL PROVIDENCES. 1 87 

with it. I prayerfully waited for his decision. 
After reading it he said : 

"I am now more than ever convinced that it 
is your duty to persevere with the work, and get 
it done as soon as possible." 

I was much affected ' to learn that my old 
friend and physician, Dr. Bassett, was near the 
verge of eternity, waiting for the summons 
home. My heart yearned with sympathy in 
behalf of his afflicted family. When they told 
me I could not recognize his emaciated form, 
how vividly did recollections spring up in my 
mind of the times when he, Mr. Glenn, and 
others, who were then healthy and strong, had 
watched at my couch and administered to my 
wants. They little expected to bid adieu to the 
things of time and sense before me. 

Oh, how uncertain is life ! Well has it 
been said : 

"The flame of life burns so feebly upon the 
secret altar of our hearts that it can be put out 
by a sudden jar, or a single breath. The par- 
tition between us and the unseen world is thin 
as the garments that clothe our flesh, and as 
easily pierced as the bubbles that float on the 
wave." 

How important that the great work of life be 
always finished by heeding the Gospel call to 



1 88 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

repentance, and that we may thus be prepared 
for the hour of death, that will sooner or later 
come ! 

"Not many lives, but only one have we, 
Frail, fleeting man ; 
How sacred should that one life be, 

That narrow span ! 
Day after day filled up with blessed toil, 
Hour after hour still bringing in new spoil." 




Chapter- XVII. 




LESSONS LEARNED. 

SUNDAY, October 28, 1872. — " The 

Lord is good unto them that wait for 

him, to the soul that seeketh him. It 

is good that a man, should both hope and 

quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. 

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke 

in his youth." (Lam. iii, 25-27.) 

It is one week this morning since we had a 

feast long to be remembered. Praise the Lord 

for the riches of his grace! My heart is filled 

with love, peace, and joy. Here, in our humble 

home, it is my privilege to enjoy as much of the 

presence of Jesus as though surrounded with a 

host of saints. How I love to, retire and be 

alone with him! I have thought much of the 

importance of the scrap I read: "He, therefore, 

who desires to advance in the inner and spiritual 

life, ought to retire with Jesus from the multi- 

189 



I90 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

tude. No one is safe in public who is not happy 
in retirement." 

November J th. — "Then saith he unto his dis- 
ciples, The harvest truly is plenteous, but the 
laborers are few." I see new beauties in the 
lesson, and realize more than usual the import of 
this text. Oh that I may be one of the laborers 
that will cultivate and bring forth fruit. I desire 
to pray more earnestly for Zion's prosperity. I 
praise the Lord for granting the desire of my 
heart in residing so near the church. The breth- 
ren carried me over last evening to the first 
Thursday night prayer-meeting I have enjoyed 
in our church for eleven years. Nine ministers 
were present — few Churches are so blessed with 
zealous local ministers. We all enjoyed seeing 
brother N. and brother K. We reside also near 
the parsonage, where we can more frequently see 
our pastor, brother Roberts. A talk with him 
is always profitable. 

In what unexpected ways our Lord provides! 
We were disappointed in getting the wood we 
engaged. The last stick was in the stove, when 
brother W. came to see if we would trade some 
ribbon for fire-wood. He had brought some to 
another person, who did not want it, and said he 
w r as impressed to bring it here. Thus, often, 
things are likewise directed. I am thankful for 



LESSONS LEARNED. 191 

the opportunity of trading goods for produce 
while we sell so little. 

November 23d. — I am very weak, but thankful 
that I am able again to use my hands. While 
we are engaged at our work, the eye of faith can 
rest upon Jesus and contemplate him as the 
source of life, strength, and comfort, as we in- 
crease our store, stitching away at our work. So 
may our faith be increased. 

. I trust Sadie P. and I can be a mutual help 
to each other. We were all exercised about 
brother, who was among the Indians ; and one 
morning, after worship, I overheard the following 
conversation: " Sadie, do you think it is right to 
worry so about Dicky, when they are praying for 
him? If they have faith, won't the Lord take 
care of him?" " That is true, Dannie; but your 
poor mother has had so much care and trouble, 
she can 't help feeling anxious about her boy. 
No one can feel as a mother ; and especially 
when her children are in such danger." "Yes, 
that is so; but I do n't think Jennie ought to be 
so troubled ; she ought to have more faith about 
him and every thing else, for she knows the Lord 
will provide." 

This*was a rebuke to unbelief, and taught us 
a good lesson. How very careful we should be 
to let children see by our works that we have 



I92 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

confidence in Him who heareth and answcreth 
prayer. 

Three davs after this was Thanksgiving. I 
awoke with praise in my heart for the peace of 
God which passeth all understanding, and the 
privileges we enjoy in this land of light and 
liberty. With more faith we could rejoice in the 
Lord greatly, believing that Paul's blessed words 
of admonition and instruction are as much for 
our comfort as for the Philippians, when he said 
unto them, "But my God shall supply all your 
need according to his riches in glory, by Christ 
Jesus." 

Our good neighbors often remembered me on 
extra occasions. I had just enjoyed a delicious 
dinner from sister A., when my good Ornish 
friend, brother P., called with an acceptable 
Thanksgiving present of butter and sausage. 
Soon the express drove up with a Thanksgiving 
box from brother D. and other Urbana friends. 
These remembrances did indeed call forth sincere 
praise and thanksgiving to Him who had sup- 
plied our need through these dear friends, who 
are laying up for themselves treasures in heaven, 
where neither moth doth corrupt nor thieves 
break through and steal. 

January 1, 1873. — This is a day long to be 
remembered. I was greatly strengthened by a 



LESSONS LEARNED. 1 93 

conversation and prayer with brother C, after 
which I was taken over to Professor Ogden's, 
where I was invited to a New-year's dinner, and 
to enjoy a feast of music. Just before the com- 
pany was invited out to dinner, brother and sis- 
ter Brunton came in and spread upon my bed a 
beautiful log-cabin quilt, as a New-year's gift 
from Marion, O., pieced by Emma T. and other 
dear friends. Their names, with 25 and 50 cent 
pieces, were pinned on many of the squares. 
The surprise was so complete, and my heart was 
so filled with gratitude, that I could scarcely par- 
take of the rich repast set before us. The monot- 
ony of many suffering hours has been broken by 
the thoughts which the little scraps that compose 
a friendship quilt have suggested. I have had 
several quilts where I could name the owner or 
contributor of almost every piece in them. My 
heart swells with grateful emotion as I remember 
the many kindnesses bestowed. 

Our Ornish and Baptist friends, with many 
others, were exceeding kind. During this Win- 
ter we had considerable sickness in our own and 
sister's family. Sister G. spent several weeks 
with us. This was a comfort, as she cared for 
me, so that mother could be with sister, for we 
were both very sick at the same time. 

Just before I was taken ill I felt the need of 
13 



194 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

several little sums due, in order to meet our de- 
mands. I talked to the Lord about it, but, in 
place of directing these means to come in, he so 
impressed sister M'B., who had long desired to 
bestow a kindness, yet felt a delicacy about do- 
ing so, that she could not rest until she called. 
What she brought abundantly supplied the de- 
mand. I was much affected by this and other 
incidents, including a surprise by many friends. 

"Surely what He wills is best; 

Happy in his will I rest." 

This was, and is, the language of my heart. 

February nth. — I was within sound of the 
Gospel and the songs of Zion, which I esteemed 
a privilege, but I was not able to be carried over 
to quarterly-meeting; but the beloved brethren 
did not pass me by forgotten. A number came 
in, and the elder and stationed preacher adminis- 
tered the sacrament of the Lord's-supper. This, 
to my soul, is the most sacred and solemn of all 
the ordinances — to receive the food of immortal- 
ity! There is, indeed, a wondrous and hidden 
grace belonging to this sacrament. My frail 
♦body seemed to participate in the benefits con- 
ferred upon the soul, and to be itself strengthened 
in this blessed communion with Christ, upon 
whom all our hopes of salvation depend. He is 



LESSONS LEARNED. 195 

our sanctification and redemption ; he is the con- 
solation of pilgrims in this world, and the eternal 
joy of saints in heaven. It is much to be la- 
mented that many should think so little of this 
salutary mystery, in which heaven rejoices and 
the whole earth is blessed. Alas for the blind- 
ness and hardness of the human heart, which 
does not think more of so unspeakable a gift, 
and which, in many cases, neglects it altogether! 

I was intensely interested in the salvation of 
souls. My eye was single to the glory of God. 
I never was able to look at things more in the 
light of eternity than during this year. When 
able, I enjoyed many precious seasons in the 
church, which was a benefit physically, as well as 
spiritually. Never will I forget the brethren who, 
in different places, have been burden-bearers in- 
deed. Many privileges have I enjoyed through 
their kindness in taking me out to church and to 
other places. 

When able to work, nothing was more recre- 
ative than my correspondence. In order to enjoy 
this pleasure I often denied myself of other lux- 
uries. I was often peculiarly exercised in regard 
to the duty of letter-writing. Many unanswered 
letters lay in my desk. A lady asked me if I did 
not think it was extravagant for one in my cir- 
cumstances to spend so much for postage. I did 



I96 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

not want to be selfish, but I was so impressed 
that I sought direction of Him who will give 
evidence of duty to the soul that seeketh him. 
The same day brother G., a Friend, called, with 
a present from his little granddaughter of nearly 
two dollars, in three and five cent pieces, for 
postage. The next day I received a package 
from a friend at X. containing .stationery and 
stamps. Then came a post-office order from my 
dear brother, who always desired me to enjoy 
this privilege. I could no longer doubt what my 
duty was. It is an inestimable privilege to be 
able to converse with absent loved ones through 
the medium of the post-office. What comfort 
and instruction a letter or postal-card is capable 
of affording, especially to the afflicted ! Through 
this means I have been taught valuable lessons in 
" faith's way." There are invalids whom I may 
never meet in the flesh, yet our hearts are drawn 
together through those little messengers of love 
and sympathy. We live in anticipation of that 
meeting beyond the river, where there will be no 
suffering. Maggie Johnson, of New York, has 
been more than a sister in affliction. I have re- 
ceived from her many tokens of love, and the 
samples of her fancy Avork have been valuable in 
our trade. 

After I left C. I had so little liberty in my 



LESSONS LEARNED. 197 

writing that I was tempted to feel that it was 
not my duty. Yet I dared not give it up. One 
morning Dr. F., who kindly offered his assist- 
ance, said to me: 

"I expect to start for Kansas to-day, and if 
the Lord spares my life to return, I want to find 
more of your manuscript ready to copy. You 
must make it a business and not a pastime. 
It is a duty, which you certainly can not 
doubt." 

I answered: 

"Doctor, why do I not have more liberty in 
writing? Why is the work so irksome? I can 
not feel it will amount to any thing when done. " 

"We can account for that because you have 
so little leisure. The constant interruptions 
break the interest, and other work takes too 
much of -your time. You have many things 
to discourage you, but you must surmount 
them." 

Through Rev. Mr. Moore I heard of the 
"Daughter of Affliction," an autobiography of 
Mary Rankin, of New Wilmington, Penn. I 
had an unusual desire to see the book, and in a 
few days brother Van Cleve sent on a copy of 
it to me. He thought our experience was simi- 
lar. I was impressed with this providence, for 
a portion of her experience was almost a recital 



198 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

of my own. Dr. F. said, after reading the 
book : 

4 'This is remarkable. In many respects her 
experience is almost verbatim the same as yours." 

Not long after this I had communication with 
Mary through a friend who visited her, and we 
have since corresponded with profit. 

April 24^/1. — After suffering through the night, 
I was so weary in body I could accomplish noth- 
ing. At noon I had a season alone. It was a 
privilege to be alone a few moments with my 
Savior. But what privations I would have to 
endure if I could not commune with Jesus ex- 
cept when alone. I was blessed in going to him 
with my cares. I asked him to send customers; 
brother and sister Heading called with a nice 
treat and bought several dollars' worth of goods, 
as did also sister Yoder. Oh, that our Ornish 
friends could realize w T hat a blessing they have 
been to us. 

May $\st. — 

"Salvation is forever nigh 

The souls that fear and trust the Lord ; 
And grace descending from on high 
Fresh hopes of glory shall afford." 

How much we need a fresh supply each day! 

time, how fast thou art flying and how little 

1 can accomplish ! I am weak and weary physi- 



LESSONS LEARNED. 199 

cally, yet I feel a calmness in the desire to be 
more in earnest and Christ-like in meekness and 
patience. I desire to do my duty more fully. 
I know I am not doing any thing near what is 
in my power to do. 

Mother is so feeble; her footsteps seem to 
send an echo through my very being. I fear 
Fannie will have a serious time with her arm; 
she commenced using it too soon after it was 
broken. We enjoyed a visit to-day from brother 
and sister Harbor, who have been dear friends 
for many years. My friends at Marion are writ- 
ing for me to come and attend a meeting to be 
held the 6th of June for the promotion of holi- 
ness. What a rich treat it would be! But I 
am not able to go; therefore, I feel content and 
happy to remain at home. 

Sunday, June 1st. — I reviewing the past week 
I felt I had done all I could with my little 
strength to make ends meet, and now I could 
commit all into the hands of our Father, who 
knoweth our needs. The first thought when I 
awoke was to welcome the blessed Sabbath as 
an emblem of the rest which remains to the 
people of God. My heart was filled with praise, 
and all nature seemed to be praising God. Oh 
what a blessing to be within sound of the Gos- 
pel! I felt all day long that I am one of God's 



200 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

favored children, for I enjoy so many privileges. 
If we live, Monday morning will open full of 
work. Yet sweetly do I now rest upon the blessed 
promises. 

"Jesus keep me near thy side, 
Near the ever-cleansing tide. 
Wash me in it, make me clean, 
Let me on thy bosom lean ; 
Let thine arms about me be ; 
Jesus, Savior, succor me." 




dtlkptef XVIII. 



PREVAILING PRAYER. 



"O wondrous power of faithful prayer, 
What tongue can tell the almighty grace. 



^cfiffr&sS^ 






URING the Spring the paroxysms of 
suffering in my limb and body became 
fi§p" more and more severe. It was evident 
®^ to all that I could not live through many 
cv> more such attacks. I did not gain my 
* usual strength. My physician, Dr. W., 
advised me to go from home where I would not 
see my work. This seemed impracticable. The 
evening before the meeting at Marion com- 
menced, brother B. said to me: 

"Sister Jennie, how is it? can't you go to 
Marion?" 

I answered: 

"No, I am not able. It would be imprudent 
to think of going." 

I never felt more positive or settled in a con- 
clusion. They had scarcely gone when the faith- 



202 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

ful monitor conscience said with a startling voice, 
Be careful, or you will be governed more by 
what people say and the trouble you would 
make than by the weakness of your body and 
the suffering it would cost you. If it is the 
Lord's will that you should go, is he not able to 
strengthen you for the journey? For a little 
season I w T as strangely exercised. I realized the 
danger of being actuated by a man-fearing or 
man-pleasing spirit. My eye was single to the 
glory of God. I pleaded with him to manifest 
his pleasure concerning me. I felt willing to do 
or endure any thing for Christ's sake. It was a 
test of my faith, for I was much opposed in 
going, except by Dr. W. and a few others. 
Letters were received urging me to come with 
sister S. Evidences that I ought to go increased 
until the will of the Spirit was so manifested 
unto me that I could no longer refuse. 

I was wonderfully supported by divine power 
physically and spiritually in making the effort. 
After I recovered from the fatigue of traveling 
I improved rapidly. I spent the two weeks of 
meeting with sister M'G., near the Church. 
Here I could hear the singing, and through the 
kindness of the brethren I very often enjoyed the 
services in the Church, where I had the pleasure 
of meeting many friends from far and near. 



PREVAILING PRAYER. 203 

The meeting was conducted by the "North 
Ohio Praying-band." To many it was a feast of 
soul. The Lord of hosts was with us. Souls 
were hungering and thirsting for the glorious lib- 
erty of the children of God. To me it w r as a 
meeting of peculiar interest. In order to hus- 
band my strength I spent precious seasons alone, 
and also with the dear family at w T hose home I 
was staying. When my tracts came I had no 
liberty in distributing them until I marked the 
impressive sentences. This proved effectual. 

I yielded to the leadings of the Spirit in every 
thing. I had the consciousness that "He lead- 
eth me." Here the most affecting incident of 
my life occurred. Several members of the pray- 
ing-band were impressed that a blessing was in 
store for me. Some time before this I received 
several letters from friends who were so exer- 
cised about the healing of my body, that they 
feared I was limiting the power of God by un- 
belief. I was much exercised, but I could not 
get over one point. "Be still and know that I 
am God," would invariably come with irresist- 
ible force. I had to be still and say, Thy will, 
O Lord, be done. One morning the band met 
in my room for a special season of prayer. 
Oh that sacred hour. With emotion I still think 
of it. Never will it be obliterated from my 



204 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

heart. Such faith and agonizing prayer as went 
up from that humble group who bent low at the 
feet of Jesus, I can not describe, nor can pen 
write w r hat I felt. Just imagine what the hope 
of deliverance would be to one so bound down 
by disease. 

I could not endure the thought of unbelief 
robbing me of this blessing. I w T as led to ask 
from the depth of my soul, Father, is it for the 
want of faith ? Why can I not claim this now ? 
Never can I forget the voice that seemed almost 
to speak aloud, as if the. dear Lord were talking 
with me face to face, "You can not ask to be 
restored to your feet, but you can ask to have 
the paroxysms lessened." My faith claimed and 
received the evidence that our prayers were 
heard. That moment the sisters exclaimed, 
"The burden is gone; we can ask no more." 

Oh the joy and peace that filled my soul! I 
sank deeper into the divine will, and felt. I could 
come out more boldly than ever before a gain- 
saying world and hail reproach and sorrow for 
the Master's sake. The enemy came in like a 
flood, but my faith remained firm. A friend 
said, "Jennie, I would not say much about this 
until time has elapsed for another paroxysm. 
There is danger of presuming." At that moment 
those blessed words came to me with new beauty 



PREVAILING PRAYER. 205 

and power. I answered, "Now faith is the sub- 
stance of things hoped for, the evidence of things 
not seen." (Heb. xi.) 

Although my limb still has to be confined, I 
have never had a paroxysm from that time (June, 
1873,) to this. And oh the relief to be free 
from these! It is to me comparative health. 
Who can say this was not of our covenant-keep- 
ing God ? Unbelievers may scoff at these things, 
but glory, praise, and honor be to Him who 
manifested unto me his power and verified his 
promise, I who commanded thee to take this 
journey am the Lord Almighty. I will be with 
thee to bless thee. 

"Oh for a voice of sweeter sound, 
For every wind to bear; 
To teach the listening world around 
The blessedness of prayer." 

After the meeting closed I enjoyed a pleasant 
season at Rev. Dr. Jones'. I was then taken to 
brother Thues, where I had a delightful visit of 
better than two weeks. I here enjoyed several 
rich treats of music, among the rest a serenade 
by the cornet band. Many memories cluster 
around incidents that occurred, and the pleasant 
seasons spent with the dear friends of Marion, 
whose kindness will ever be remembered with 
gratitude. I made many pleasant acquaintances, 



206 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

and trust that each will look well to the one 
thing needful. 

July Jth. — I was getting ready to go to the 
train when our kind friend, brother Brunton, 
called in company with brother C, who knew I 
expected to return at this time. So I had the 
pleasure of a ride on his construction train, 
which I enjoyed more than I would have done 
on the express. I thus had the opportunity of 
resting, distributing tracts, and of meeting friends 
at the various stations. I was very much ex- 
hausted when I reached home, but my health 
was greatly improved. 

When leaving home I said to mother: 

"Before I return I must have a positive evi- 
dence of my duty to write my experience, or 
the burden of it removed." 

Being so exercised, I could not help observ- 
ing how Providence was leading me when at 
different times this matter was proposed by par- 
ties who were not aware of my convictions, or 
that the suggestion had been made before. 
They were so earnest in the matter I finally ex- 
pressed my feelings, and, through prayer, I felt 
the evidence of duty was positive. I now had 
liberty, and improved every opportunity in writ- 
ing, though I accomplished but little. 

July 12///. — Lady Maxwell says, "The Lord 



PREVAILING PRAYER. 207 

teaches me that it is by simple faith alone that 
I can either obtain, retain, or increase, with re- 
gard to any Gospel blessing." 

My experience confirms this. Oh that my 
faith may be so steady and constant that I can 
say, under all circumstances, "The life I now 
live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of 
God, who loved me, and gave himself for me!" 

This has been a lovely day. I was taken up 
to sister's this afternoon. It is a great trial to 
her that my chair can not be taken through her 
door. I spent several hours in the door-yard, 
where I took tea with them. It was quite 
pleasant. They rolled her bed where we could 
see and converse with each other. The dear 
children were so delighted we all enjoyed it. 
What a serious time dear sister had ! How little 
we have enjoyed each other's society during the 
past year, and not two squares apart ! May 
these afflictions work out for us all a far more 
exceeding and eternal weight of glory! 

July igth. — "The meek also shall increase 
their joy in the Lord, and the poor among men 
shall rejoice in the Holy One of Israel." 

"Jesus, vouchsafe my heart and will 
With thy meek lowliness to fill; 
No more her power let nature boast, 
But in thy will let mine he lost.'' 



208 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Rev. Mr. W. called. He was with sister B. 
when she bade adieu to earth. I am thankful 
to hear dear Mamie is wonderfully supported by 
grace, and enabled to be a comfort to her loved 
ones. She was suddenly bereft of her precious 
mother ; but they have the consolation of know- 
ing their loss is her eternal gain. Little did we 
think the plan laid for my visit to their home, 
where I could write, would be frustrated by this 
providence. 

I have been much strengthened by the text. 
I am one of the poor among men, yet I desire 
to be one of the meek children who are rich in 
faith. How true my friend's words, "So many 
things occur that makes one see the superiority 
those feel who have something of this world's 
goods over those who have nothing. " 

I have not realized this as some have; but 
when I do there is a sweet comfort in feeling I 
am rich too, because I have my blessed Savior 
to comfort me, and a rich Father to provide for 
me. Though temporally it is dark, I do sweetly 
trust and rejoice in the Holy one of Israel. 

Monday 2\st. — I was permitted to hear our 
dear pastor, brother R., preach yesterday upon 
purity of heart. Oh, what a sermon it was! 
How we were made to look within ! I could 
rejoice in the consciousness of a pure heart, and 



PREVAILING TRAYER. 2O9 

in the hope of glory. Professor H. and brother 
T. met the brethren here, and spent a precious 
season before going to the train. Rev. Mr. 
Steinger called, and we had a profitable con- 
versation. 

T?icsday, 22d. — I am not so well. My head 
is affected. "The righteous also shall hold on 
his way, and he that hath clean hands shall be 
stronger and stronger." (Job xxii.) I am re- 
soved to increase in spiritual strength this day. 

I have just read an article in the Home 
Journal, from brother Hughes, urging all to pray 
for the National Camp-meeting at Landisville, 
Penn. I can meet with them at the Throne of 
Grace, and thereby grow stronger. Through 
how many different sources we can gain strength ! 

Brother Jimmy just sent mother a barrel of 
flour. He worries about my working so much. 
He savs his greatest trial is that he has not the 
means to make us more comfortable; but he is 
anxious to keep the children at school. Dear 
boy! he makes every sacrifice for our sakes; he 
has just paid another doctor's bill. 

Mrs. S. , whom I had not met for many years, 
spent the day with us. Her heart is sad and 
lonely, as she feels her all is in the grave. Oh, 
that I could comfort all the bereaved and sor- 
rowing ones I meet with. 



210 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Sunday, 27th. — 

"Life is brief; its days are fleeting, 
As the bird on swiftest wing." 

I had a refreshing season. I can so vividly 
meet in spirit with the congregated ones at 
Landisville camp-meeting. 

The brethren carried me over to the church for 
love-feast. It was to my soul the most precious 
one I had ever enjoyed. I realized the power of 
the victory I had gained over the man-fearing spirit 
which has robbed me of so much strength. We 
had an excellent sermon by brother W., from 
Romans xi, 6: "Who will render to every man 
according to his deeds." We learn from this 
chapter, "There is no respect of persons with 
God." Our communion season was impressive. 
In looking over the three months since our last 
quarterly-meeting, I see each day has its record 
of special blessings. I then vowed, if spared to 
enjoy another communion season, it should find 
me on advanced ground, more willing to hold up 
before the Church and the world the banner of 
holiness. I feel that I am more fully the Lord's. 
Glory be to the Lamb for this blessed liberty! 
Oh, why are the dear Lord's children not more 
bold to take up, and more firm to sustain, the 
consecrated cross? 

I had a sweet rest between services. I love 



PREVAILING PRAYER. 211 

to spend a season alone in that dear place. I 
know I made a failure in the Sabbath-school; 
but the flesh needs humiliating, and, instead of 
wasting time, as I so often have done, fretting 
about what I can not recall, I can just give it to 
Jesus, and leave results with him. Hence I have 
no anxiety about it. "Perfect love casteth out 
fear." (i John iv.) I realize that the fear of 
man grows less as my love to Christ becomes 
more perfect. I feel I have only begun to float 
on the boundless ocean of love before me. 

Friday, August ist. — Dear Lord, lead and 
direct me to do thy will. Thou knowest my 
weakness, yet I leave me in thy hands. 

"My faith as gold refine; 

Each grace and virtue prove ; 
That in my life may shine 
The light of perfect love." 

I am almost blind in my left eye, and my 
head pains me. 

This is the last entry I made in my Journal for 
nine months. 




~*m 



Clfaptef XIX. 



BLINDNESS. 



Iftl# 




ATURDAY, August 2, 1873, I was quite 
sick. My eyes had been strangely af- 
fected for some days. The pain in my 
head increased until I could not endure the 
light to strike my eyes. I was soon pros- 
trated by a severe attack of fever and in 1 
flammation. As my head became more affected 
the limb ceased its throbbing, as it had not done 
for years; and for several days it seemed para- 
lyzed and lifeless. This alarmed mother, as dif- 
ferent physicians had said if the effects of the 
disease ever left the limb and went to the head, 
death or insanity would probably be the result. 

For many days my sufferings were beyond 
description. I became entirely helpless. I lost 
my speech, and for a short time my hearing was 
deficient. At times I was partially unconscious. 
During these seasons I imagined I was a little 
bark, tossed on the billows; yet I felt safe, be- 



BLINDNESS. 213 

cause Jesus was my anchor, and the dashing 
waves only drove me nearer to him. This was 
so vivid that when conscious I could rejoice in 
my Anchorage. 

Never shall I forget the experience of one 
night. I was perfectly rational, but all I could 
do was to move my right hand and hear out of 
my right ear. In that condition our subtle enemy 
assailed me with the suggestion, What will you 
do now, if kept thus helpless? You can not 
even pray for your friends. Often when tempted 
about my life being a blank, my last comfort was, 
If I can not work, I can pray for those who can. 
The words of Jesus came to me, "Get thee be- 
hind me, Satan," for if I can do no more, I will 
raise my finger for Jesus. I gained the victory, 
and realized that no such bliss can earth's pleas- 
ures give, even apart from such sufferings. 

" Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist 
the devil and he will flee from you." Blessed 
hope of heaven, the anticipation of that rest 
which remains for the people of God! How it 
buoys the soul above the dashing waves of suf- 
fering and sorrow ! And how sweet, when we 
are brought so near death, to feel that our peace 
with God is made, and that if this be the time 
of our departure, we are prepared to meet him. 
Thus rejoicing in the hope of glory, we can view 



214 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

the dark river with the confidence of David as 
expressed in the twenty third Psalm. I here 
came to the waiting place. My only plea was, 
Spare my reason, though every thing else be 
lost. I had to cease all mental efforts. For days 
I seemed upon the verge of eternity. Several 
times life was so near extinct my friends thought 
I was gone, but it pleased an all-wise Providence 
to rebuke disease. Never was it more manifest 
that his blessing attended the treatment than at 
this time. 

My physician, Dr. Wilson, was constant in 
his attendance, and with anxious interest did all 
in his power to alleviate my sufferings, with 
scarcely a hope of my recover}'. For some time I 
gained slowly, but I was still quite low when, one 
morning, my little nephew ran to me with some- 
thing to look at. I made the attempt to look, 
and realized, as not before, that I was blind! 
Never can one know, except by experience, what 
it is to have the vision closed to the light. My 
first thought was, Oh, shall I never again see the 
blue sky and beautiful flowers? But in this, the 
severest of all afflictions, I found, as in the past, 
that grace was sufficient. Strength was given ac- 
cording to my da}'. I knew this was permitted 
for some purpose. It was a severe trial to my 
dear brother when he came and found I could 



BLINDNESS. 215 

not see him. I was taught valuable lessons dur- 
ing this season ; one was the danger of making 
effort take the place of faith. 

"Though oft thy ways are wrapt in clouds 
Mysterious and unknown; 
Truth, righteousness, and mercy stand 
M The pillars of thy throne." 

For eight months my eyes were bandaged 
from the light, and I could not use them. As I 
gained strength I regained the use of my left 
hand and voice. My hearing became more acute 
than ever., I could not be deceived in the sound 
of a footstep or a voice. I felt the privation of 
using my hands. One morning mother said to 
me, with emotion, as she imprinted a kiss upon 
my forehead : ' * My dear child, why do you pick 
at your fingers so much? Don't do so; it looks 
so pitiful." After awhile I prevailed upon them 
to start some plain work for me, and it was not 
long until I could use the crochet hook quite 
naturally. A little girl said, after watching me: 
"Why, it's a special gift, isn't it, for you to 
knit?" I told her it was a special blessing of 
Providence that made the sense of touch so acute 
that it was almost like having eyes in my fingers. 
Through the providence of God we were brought 
under many obligations to the kind people who 
manifested deep sympathy in this affliction. 



2l6 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

The day before Thanksgiving mother said to 
me, "See what Miss R. has sent to you." She 
brought the gift to the side of my cot, and I 
was startled when I placed my hand on a large 
turkey. Several such surprises were sent in by 
other friends in the neighborhood of our home, 
which made it a Thanksgiving indeed. We were 
often remembered by kind friends, and almost 
invariably at the time when the favors bestowed 
were most needed. Several times wood came 
when Ave were just out. These things tended to 
confirm our faith in prayer. I never shall forget 
a trying season in January. I had a bill to set- 
tle and other necessities to meet. Brother sent 
a part, but I could not raise all. I cast the bur- 
den upon the Lord, feeling confident of deliver- 
ance. Yet what a surprise it was when Brother 
Williams brought the following letter with ten 
dollars inclosed: 

"Bellefoxtaixe, Ohio, January 6, 1874. 

" Miss Jexxie Smith, — A very good friend of 
mine sent me the inclosed Post-office Order from 
Washington City, D. C, to hand to you with 
the request to withhold his name as the donor ; 
but please accept it as coming from a good 
Christian friend who always has an open hand 
for those who are suffering and need some aid 



BLINDNESS. 2\J 

to cheer them while on their journey through 
this life. Do please accept from me in behalf 
of the ' unknown donor. ' 

"Yours, very truly, R. Lamb." 

I am comforted with the thought that He 
who heareth prayer will bless and reward the still 
il unknown donor" of this and other favors. I 
must mention the kindness of Messrs. J. Holland 
& Co., Chicago; also Rev. G. Hughes, of Phila- 
delphia, who greatly favored me by furnishing 
me with books to sell. These were all marked 
providences. I slowly and steadily improved, 
until my general health was about as usual. 
From the first of this illness Miss Lizzie Sheer 
was a constant friend. She came daily to read 
and write for me. In February I accepted the 
invitation and spent two pleasant and profitable 
weeks with sister Sowles, where Lizzie could be 
near and have more opportunity to write; but 
even here we could not accomplish what we de- 
sired. At this time there was great excitement 
respecting the crusaders, who in different places 
were doing a good work in pulling down the 
stronghold of Bacchus. For several months pre- 
vious my mind was very much exercised on the 
subject. I learned through the sorrows of others 
what intemperance was doing in blasting the 



2l8 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

happiness of many homes in our country, and 
even in our own community. My heart was 
aften so burdened with the cause I could not 
sleep for hours. On February 26, 1874, a meet- 
ing was held at the Methodist Episcopal Church, 
which resulted in organizing a ''Woman's Tem- 
perance League." Never will that day be for- 
gotten. When the crusaders took the shield of 
faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of 
the Spirit, and marched two abreast slowly to 
the enemy's fort, the church bells were tolling 
and the band playing a plaintive strain. Those 
who remained in the church bowed themselves 
in earnest prayer. All made it impressively 
solemn. I could not go out with the crusaders, 
but my heart was in the work. I spent many 
days in the Court-house, where most of the meet- 
ings w r ere held. They had a lunch-room and 
other comforts, which made it a pleasant place 
for private prayer and individual conversation. 

The incidents of those days are stamped upon 
many memories. Eternity will tell what has been 
accomplished in our land by the crusade. Take 
courage, O ye faithful ones who are battling 
against the mighty foe. 

"Mourn for the thousands slain, 
The youthful and the strong; 
Mourn for the wine-cup's fatal reign 
And the deluded throng. 



BLINDNESS. 



219 



Mourn for the ruined soul, 

Eternal life and light, 
Lost by the fiery, maddening bowl, 

And turned to hopeless night. 

Mourn for the lost; but call, 

Call to the tempted, the strong and tire free; 
Rouse them to shun that dreadful fall 

And to the refuse flee." 




Cliaptei' XX. 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 




[EN the Spring we had encouragement to 



k. move to Springfield, Ohio. We were 
jpF*^ convinced that, on brother's account 
g and other advantages, it was best to make 
a change; but my conviction was, if we 
left Bellefontaine, we should go to Dayton. 
This was prayerfully decided upon. Many of 
our friends were so unfavorably impressed that 
much was said to discourage us. They felt I 
must make many sacrifices and give up many 
privileges. It looked dark, but the path of duty 
was made plain to us as it was to Abraham 
when severely tried. For the sake of loved ones 
I felt willing to make any sacrifice. My one 
great desire was to be just where the dear Lord 
could make most use of my feeble efforts. The 
language of my heart was — 

"Thy way, not mine, Oh Lord, 
However dark it be ; 
2 20 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 221 

Lead me by thine own hand, 
Choose path and place for me." 

April 14th. — A pleasant little surprise was ar- 
ranged by my old friends on the fair committee 
and others, who spent a season with us. The last 
week in Bellefontaine was filled up with lasting 
memories. I enjoyed a special meeting at 
brother Chambers, and remained one night 
with his family. I was deeply impressed with 
their work for the Master in training their little 
family of six or eight adopted children. May 
the desires of their hearts be granted in those 
children becoming fruit-bearing branches. But 
few people have such hearts of love and affec- 
tion for homeless orphans. 

The last Sabbath in Bellefontaine was spent in 
the dear church, where I had enjoyed many happy 
seasons. The services were all affecting. Many 
tender ties were severed. One was the young 
people's meeting, which had met in my room 
for nearly three years. But the severest trial 
was the parting with dear Sister Sallie and her 
little family. The last two days were spent at 
Rev. R. 's. I had become much attached to this 
kind family. There were several obligations to 
be met, and I made it a subject of prayer. The 
last morning came. I had not succeeded in 
selling the books I expected to, yet I can never 



222 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

forget how I could trust in that dark season, and 
how I felt when Mollie J. came in and presented 
me in the behalf of her schoolmates eight dol- 
lars, including her own pocket-book. In a few 
minutes brother W. called, and presented in 
behalf of our society ten dollars. Thus Provi- 
dence opened the way. 

"I will bring the blind by a way that they 
knew not; I will make darkness light before 
them, and crooked things straight. These things 
will I do unto them, and not forsake them," 
said the prophet Isaiah. This was a special 
comfort to us. After many tearful good-byes, 
we took the train for Springfield, where brother 
joined the children and Miss Will, and went on 
to Dayton. Mother and I spent a few days in 
Springfield with Cousin Webster B. Here we 
had the opportunity of meeting many old friends. 
On Monday, accompanied by Aunt F. B., we 
arrived at our new home. I was very much 
fatigued. 

From the first I felt perfectly at home. 
Brother had several surprises for us in the way 
of additional comforts. We were all delighted 
with our new home, and felt it to be one of 
God's own choosing. I was so poorly and needed 
rest so much that I did not realize we were 
among entire strangers. We had been made to 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON, 223 

feel that it would take months to become ac- 
quainted, and we must expect to have but few 
friends in the city. I replied: 

"I have committed all into the Lord's hands. 
My desire is to profit by all associations. While 
so much alone we will have time to gain strength 
for future usefulness." 

I could not doubt that our beloved Lord had 
directed us here, and I could confidently rely upon 
his purpose being fulfilled; but what that pur- 
pose was I knew not. I resolved to make the 
" waiting hours seed-times of blessing," and 
every trying circumstance a stepping-stone to 
bring us nearer the Holy One of Israel, whose 
almighty power, if not limited by unbelief, will 
be manifested in a manner that brings the cry 
from the heart, "It is good to wait on thee, O 
Lord." 

May gth. — I am so weak, but thankful I am 
improving. We are much pleased with our 
landlord, also with Dr. W., who is very kind. 
He said Ave had met at camp-meeting, but I do 
not remember him. Brother has returned to his 
work, and we miss him greatly. He spent con- 
siderable to get us here and make us comfort- 
able. 

May 12th. — Blessed "faith's way;" how 
sweet thou art. It looks dark, but we can 



224 TITE VALLEY OF BACA. 

trust. We had two calls from canvassers, and 
I gave them tracts. Oh that we may improve 
every opportunity, and be able to utter words 
that will be fitly spoken. I desire to realize 
more fully the value of souls that I may pray 
more earnestly, for them. I feel there is service 
even in breathing a prayer for the passing 
stranger. 

Wednesday, 13th. — In the afternoon sister D. 
and daughter, Mrs. C, and Judge Lowe and 
wife called to see us. What precious visits and 
how sweet to talk with those filled with the 
Spirit. Mother was surprised to meet Rev. Mr. 
Tatem and wife, of Cleveland, at prayer-meet- 
ing. They came home with her, and we had a 
precious season together listening to the first 
prayer made by a stranger in our new home. 
They presented me w 7 ith a dollar. Dear Lord, 
thou didst lead them here. We praise thee for 
this timely visit. 

May i$th. — I feel some better than yester- 
day. A deep peace fills my heart as I lean upon 
the strong arm of omnipotent love that observes 
each temporal cloud. Yesterday Rev. Mr. Von- 
nieda called. His little paper and correspond- 
ence have been a blessing for twelve years; yet 
we never met before. I had scarcely hoped to 
meet on earth, but long anticipated meeting him 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 225 

in heaven. We had a profitable interview. I 
had several calls in the afternoon. Sisters W. 
and R., brother L., and two teachers from the 
seminary spent most of the evening with us, and 
closed the visit with prayer. Glory be to the 
Lamb for such a feast of soul! *As they were 
all seated around my chair, brother L. said: 

"How blessed a thing it is for brethren to 
dwell together in unity! Here we are a little 
group representing four denominations, yet all 
of one mind and one heart in the cleansing 
power of Jesus blood. Sublime thought — one 
in Christ Jesus!" 

There was food in every utterance. As they 
arose to go, Miss Snively said: 

"Would you like for me to come and read 
for you? I need the walk, and it would give 
me pleasure to spend a season with you every 
morning before school-hours." 

I could only say, "It is of the Lord," for I 
had greatly missed the kind calls of friends who 
used to read for me. Miss S. came regularly 
until the close of school. Through her influence 
others came also. One morning another teacher 
inquired of her who it was to whom she was so 
attentive. When told, she exclaimed: 

"Is it possible ! Why, I have known her for 
years through Cousin Lucy." 

15 



226 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Meeting Miss F. was like meeting an old 
friend. 

Saturday, May \6th. — I awoke early. Mother 
went to market, and I felt thankful we had 
enough to get a supply for to-day and to-mor- 
row. How sweetly we can trust for Monday! 
Miss S. spent a delightful hour with me this 
morning. She is a fine reader and a sweet, con- 
genial spirit. It was a treat to see sister L. , 
whose acquaintance we formed in Bellefontaine. 
She purchased a tidy, the first sale, except of 
one or two photographs, we have made in Day- 
ton. She could not realize the good she did. 

May 20th. — I have been quite sick, but now 
feel much better. We were reminded last even- 
ing of the dear friends in B. A number of the 
brethren came in. I was too weak to talk much, 
but their singing and prayer seemed like old 
times. They nearly all met us at camp-meeting. 
We are recognized by many who saw us there, 
but whom I can not remember. Yet there is a 
familiar cord that binds camp-meeting friends 
together. 

May 22d. — We were happily surprised to see 
Maggie D. from B., also Mr. S. from S., and 
yesterday Rev. Mr. M'Kee called. We had not 
met him for nine years. During that time he has 
buried five children and his devoted wife. His 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 227 

visit and prayer with us were very affecting. 
I am very thankful that I have learned to use 
my pencil without taxing my eyes so much. 

Monday, May 25th. — Yesterday was a pre- 
cious day to my soul. I am rejoiced that I can 
read even a little in God's blessed book. May 
it become more and more precious to my hun- 
gry soul ! In the evening several came in, and 
we had a season of singing and prayer. It 
seemed so much like home. These are precious 
crumbs falling from the Master's table. While 
Miss S. was reading this morning, sister R., of 
Chicago, called. It was a happy surprise. She 
says the friends of B. were so uneasy about our 
coming among strangers, that she had longed to 
hear from us. She is delighted to find us so 
pleasantly situated. 

May 28/A. — Dr. W. called. I am not so 
well, yet I am happy. Oh the joy and sweet 
rest there is in this abiding faith! Here w r e are 
completely shut up in temporal things ; but it is 
so sweet to trust our Father who knoweth our 
needs. He will bless and sanctify this season to 
the, good of our souls. My heart filled with 
gratitude when mother brought my meagre din- 
ner. I felt thankful we had even this much, al- 
though we knew not where the next meal was 
to come from. There is a feeling of rejoicing in 



22 3 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

my heart this world knows not of. A pastor 
once asked me if I could say with Paul in Philip- 
pians iv, "I have learned in whatsoever state I 
am therewith to be content." I could not then 
answer the question satisfactorily, but I praise 
the dear Lord I do feel now that I can. The 
children did not succeed to-day in getting the 
work they expected. May this lesson teach 
them ever to remember the many who go to 
bed supperless. We have had a number of in- 
teresting calls to-day. Miss P. brought me a 
lovely bouquet. Brother and sister Wagner 
spent the evening. He read a portion of Scrip- 
ture from Ephesians i, and had prayer with us 
before leaving. 

May 2gth. — I feel better. We have finished 
the work for Miss S. She little knew the relief 
this will be to us. We are out of coal and pro- 
visions; but we shall now have sufficient for to- 
day. Glory and praise be to my blessed Jesus! 
I feel rich. Oh, how sweetly I can trust in this 
dark hour ! It is needful for us to have this 
experience, as it helps us to appreciate our 
blessings more fully. Dear mother seems so 
happy in trusting, and the children do not 
complain. 

We expect company to-morrow, and will 
leave all in the dear Lord's hands. What a 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 229 

precious place to leave our affairs ! I feel confi- 
dent he will provide, as he knows all. 

"The birds, without barn or storehouse, are fed; 
From them let us learn to trust for our bread. 
His saints, what is fitting, shall ne'er be denied, 
So long as 'tis written, The Lord will provide." 

Saturday, May yzth. — This is the annual day 
for decorating the graves of the fallen braves. 
How it stirs up the memory of the past, and 
reminds us that through our brave heroes we are 
enjoying the blessings of this land of liberty! 

Brother came home last evening. Dear boy! 
our wants are always supplied when he comes. 
It would be a trial to him to know what close 
times we have passed through. But I do feel it 
has been the most profitable experience we ever 
had. I never was happier than I have been 
during the last week. This season of want has 
been permitted for some wise purpose. 

I had a profitable conversation to-day with 
brother Staley and wife. She is a congenial friend. 

Monday, June 1st. — Yesterday was a precious 
Sabbath. I had a long talk with brother. We 
have been together so little for several years. 
We trust he will soon be situated so that he can 
stay with us, his society adds so much to the 
pleasure of our home. Dr. Walden, of Cincin- 
nati, called, and encouraged me to go on with 



230 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

my work. Nothing weighs upon me like this. I 
feel relieved when I can do an hour's writing, 
but the responsibility seems so great. Dr. F. 
writes, urging me to improve my time. Brother 
S. has kindly offered to copy for me. Anna H. 
brought me a treat of strawberries. She is a 
dear little girl. She promised Miss S. to take 
her place in reading for me. Mrs. Barringer 
also sent us a nice treat. How I appreciate these 
little acts of kindness! 

Friday ', June $th. — This has been a precious 
day. We have had a number' of calls. How 
faithful are the sisters S. and F., and many 
others, they all take so much interest. It is 
wonderful how the dear Lord is providing us 
with pleasant and profitable associations. Each 
day adds to the list of acquaintances. I am 
thankful Fannie is succeeding with her work. 

Saturday, June 13th. — This has been another 
week of blessings. The desire of my heart was 
granted. Little did sisters F. and B. think how 
they came in answer to prayer. A number 
spent a season in singing at our house, this 
evening. Dr. W. advises me to take out-door 
exercise. 

Sunday, June i^th. — A lovely day. I am 
weak, but felt it would do me good to go to 
church, as the brethren kindly insisted upon 



s 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 23 I 

taking me down to the meeting at the Short 
Line depot. The addresses, by Dr. D. and 
Judge L. , were impressive. Oh, that more in- 
terest may be created in behalf of the railroad 
employes. Their trials, privations, and tempta- 
tions are many. My heart aches for them. 

Monday, June i$th. — I was very tired, but 
rested better than usual. This has been a day 
long to be remembered. Quite early, Mrs. W. , 
President of the Woman's Christian Association, 
called, and after a profitable conversation she 
read and had prayer. I spent a season writing". 
Sisters B. and R. called, each with a treat of 
berries and cherries. In the afternoon I was 
rejoiced to see two of the brethren who always 
feed the soul. Brother L. brought me "Pente- 
cost Repeated." 

Wednesday, June ijth. — We were much prof- 
ited by a call from the pastor of Grace Meth- 
odist Episcopal Church, the Rev. M. A. Rich- 
ards. My friends insisted upon ma going to 
prayer-meeting. I had felt perhaps it would be 
imprudent for me to go to church here; but 
they are all so kind, and I feel it my duty to go. 
I will not let a man-fearing spirit keep me from 
doing the Master's will. I could not realize I 
was in a strange place when I went to the 
church. It was a precious meeting. The Lord 



232 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

has favored us in giving us a home so near the 
church. Oh that we may never dishonor the 
precious cause by unfaithfulness! 

Friday, June igth. — How unexpectedly our 
way opens! Brother Ransell, general agent, 
paid three dollars that I did not know was 
coming to me. Several times he has come to 
our aid in trying seasons, and has proved him- 
self a kind friend. I had a precious call from 
Mrs. Dr. C. 

June 2$th. — Dear Miss S. ; how I will miss 
her and the rest of the seminary friends! I was 
so impressed last evening with the call of Mrs. 
C. I am sure there is some providence in my 
being so unusually drawn toward her. She 
came over this morning, and bought two of my 
books. We spent a profitable season together. 
She says we must call her Aunt M. I trust we 
will, as neighbors, prove a blessing to each 
other. I wish she could realize the good her 
purchase will do. 

The Young Men's Christian Association In- 
ternational Convention commences here to-day. 
May it be the means of doing great good. 

June 26th. — My precious Savior, help me to 
spend each moment of this day according to thy 
will! Let a blessing rest upon each soul that 
enters our home! I praise thee for the constant 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 233 

blessings bestowed ! It was a treat to see brother 
P.; and how we enjoyed hearing Professor S., 
of Cincinnati, and brother B., of Toledo, sing! 
I love that piece, "Scatter Seeds of Kindness." 
I had an impressive talk with sister C. It is clear 
that the Lord is leading her. 

June 2jth. — I had a restless night, but feel 
better. How I long to hear from mother! She 
received a telegram just in time to take the six 
o'clock P. M. train. They fear dear sister can 
not recover from her sickness. May she, if it 
is the dear Lord's will, be spared to her little 
family! Several of the delegates from Wash- 
ington, D. C, called this afternoon, also Rev. 
H. H. Wells and others. It has been a day of 
special blessings, spiritually and temporally. 
Sister C. feels it will be a privilege to share with 
me her reading hours. Praise the Lord! 

July 16th. — We all enjoyed prayer-meeting at 
Grace Church, last night. It seems good to have 
our dear mother home again. She brought little 
Walter with her, but poor sister will miss them. 
We have had a delightful visit with Effie H., of 
B., and Lilly Grafton, of P., my dear friends of 
many years. The Young Men's Christian Asso- 
ciation Cottage Meeting was held here to-night, 
led by Judge L. It was a precious meeting, and, 
we trust, effectual. Sister Conover, an invalid 



234 T11E VALLEY OF BACA. 

neighbor, has not enjoyed such a meeting before 
for years. She is so kind. I trust in our afflic- 
tions we may be a blessing to each other. There 
is much talk about the Embury camp-meeting. 

July 23d. — I must improve every opportunity 
I get in writing, and I trust no calls will be made 
in vain. A field of usefulness is surely opening. 
My blessed Lord, let me be a willing instrument 
in thine own hand. They want us to go to the 
camp-meeting. I can leave all in the Lord's 
hands to direct. 

July 2jth. I am weak, but my physician 
thinks it would do me good to spend ten days 
in camp, and the friends feel it is our duty to 
go. They do not know our circumstances; yet 
I can leave all in the hands of Him who will 
give us the knowledge of his will concerning our 
going. Our way is completely closed up, but 
my faith does not falter. I feel perfectly content 
to go or stay; all I ask is that the dear Lord's 
will may be accomplished, and that we ma}' learn 
more and more of the keeping power of Christ. 
Mother feels just as I do. After a season of 
prayer, she said: "It seems almost impossible 
to get, yet I am impressed that we must not give 
it up, so we will trust; the morning's mail will 
help us to decide." 

Tuesday, July 28///. — Quite early the girls went 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 235 

out with the necessary goods, and we felt assured 
the means would come by the afternoon mail at 
one o'clock. Mother and I were taken out, and 
when sister learned that no money had yet come, 
she said, in despair, ''Oh, what will we do if 
we do not receive it to-day! Why, we can not 
get along without it." 

Never shall I forget the sweet peace and con- 
sciousness of trust that came over me as I an- 
swered, "We will trust; I am sure we are in 
the path of duty, and the way will open. I am 
so tired I must rest; so you go to the first serv- 
ice; there's the bell." I was so happy because 
I was resting, though in the dark, upon the strong 
arm. I had taken a sweet sleep, when brothers 
W. and S. came to the tent, saying: "We will 
disturb you but a few moments. We are glad 
you are here. Arrangements had been made to 
send in for you, when your sister came, for we 
heard you had given up coming. Now, we want 
you to enjoy yourself, and do all the good you 
can. Here is a present to pay your expenses. 
It is a token from those who want you to feel 
that you have warm friends in Dayton as well as 
any place else." They then handed me thirty- 
six dollars. Directly I felt that our Father had 
sent this blessing as an approval of our faith in 
coming. My heart was too full for utterance. 



236 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

The expected letter was not heard from for ten 
days, being strangely delayed on the way. I 
committed my feeble body into the Lord's hands, 
and was kept calm and composed. Each day was 
filled with interest. Our tent was pleasantly situ- 
ated, and I was rejoiced that I could begin to see 
the beauties of nature, although as through a glass, 
darkly. On Friday, Bishop Weaver delivered an 
affecting sermon from John xxi, 17: "Simon, son 
of Jonas, lovest thou me?" The joys and rest that 
remain for those who love Him who thus addressed 
Peter were beautifully portrayed. My suffering 
body seemed to unite with the soul's anticipations. 
As the Governor of our State, and other dignitaries, 
were present, an incident brought to mind the % 
comparisons of wealth, fame, and honor, as in the 
light of this world and in the light of eternity. 
I lost sight of all worldly honors when the value 
of immortal souls rose up before me. 

I never experienced the keeping power, physi- 
cally, as on Sabbath. Although amidst many 
friends of former years, and an immense throng, 
nothing moved me. My mind was calmly stayed 
all day long, feeling burdened only with the 
weight of souls. The services were precious to 
my heart. The meetings at the Young Men's 
Christian Association Chapel were very effectual. 
My full sympathy was called out in behalf of a 






REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 237 

soul that was, as he said, ' ' a fettered slave to in- 
temperance." He was a man of ability, and 
once of much wealth, and, had it not been for 
this evil, he would have sustained honorable po- 
sitions. Never have I witnessed one so com- 
pletely manacled; yet the power of Christ is 
sufficient to liberate even such as he from the 
terrible appetite. 

Space will not permit me here to give all the in- 
teresting - incidents that occurred at this meeting, 
yet I may name one. Thursday was an eventful 
day, and the services were very impressive. After 
I returned to the tent I noticed there was an un- 
usual interest about something, I knew not what, 
until the dear friends presented me with the means 
to get a new chair. My pen can not describe 
my feelings. The surprise was complete. It was 
donated by many friends, on the solicitations of 
Mrs. Dr. C. and brothers W. and L. The chair 
which I had w r as unsafe, and I had been ponder- 
ing how to remedy it. I had an ambition to 
help myself, but oh how I appreciated the kindness 
of these people ! My heart was filled with praise. 
I sank deeper into my heavenly Father's will. I 
realized that he designed to conquer this ambi- 
tion to be more independent, for it was prompted 
by a peculiar spirit of pride. Words can not ex- 
press what I felt. 



238 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Soon after this little Nellie Fowler presented 
me with the most beautifully arranged basket of 
fruit and flowers — nearly all thought it wax. 
Although Nellie could not hear or speak to me, 
yet her face expressed more than words. She 
was happy because she had given me so much 
pleasure. I thought, as I looked at her, of the 
eighth Psalm — "Out of the mouth of babes and 
sucklings hast thou ordained strength " — for I was 
strengthened and taught a lesson by her act of 
love. 

A few days after our return home, a pale, 
emaciated, thinly clad man came to the kitchen 
door and asked for something to eat. I had 
prayed for wisdom to observe every providence 
and improve every opportunity during this week, 
and was deeply impressed with the value of his 
immortal soul. When mother said : * ' That man is 
no regular tramp," I answered: "When he is 
is done eating, bring him into my room." After 
a few words I gave him some tracts. He thanked 
me, saying: "I was once a man of means and 
credit, but after losing all this world calls good, 
I went into the revelings of the wicked, and con- 
tinued going down until brought to poverty's 
door." With emotion he continued: "This is 
the first time I have ever begged for something 
to eat. A few weeks a^o I was in Cincinnati. 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 239 

When on the verge of despair, sick, and unable 
to get any work to do, while wondering why I 
was in this world, I was led to an out-door meet- 
ing of the Young Men's Christian Association. 
They handed me a tract, or sheet of hymns. Just 
as I w r as turning away they commenced singing, 

'Pass me not, O gentle Savior, 

Hear my humble cry ; 
While on others thou art calling, 
Do not pass me by.' 

I felt at once the call was to the prodigal son. 
Having no place to stay over night, I wandered 
to the depot and went into an empty box-car 
and lay down to rest, but I could not sleep. 
My convictions were terrible. After struggling 
in prayer nearly all night, the Savior made me 
to rejoice in his love. Never was a king happier 
than I was that night, and I still have sweet 
peace. All my former appetites were taken 
away, and I now know that Jesus loves me and 
has forgiven my transgressions. And I am so 
weak physically, and have had so little experi- 
ence in this way that I tremble. Temptations at 
every turn stare me in the face. I met a kind 
friend at the Young Men's Christian Association 
rooms that gave me lodging and a testament. 

After we had prayer with him he said, "I 
believe God sent me in here. I passed that gate 



24O THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

three times, but I felt compelled to come in. 
You have done my soul good." A few days 
after, he obtained employment, and has remained 
steadfast and faithful. We little know the good 
that may be accomplished by giving a tract or 
speaking a word for Jesus, even to the lowest 
tramp. Their souls are of untold value in the 
sight of heaven. But we are too often apt to 
lose sight of this truth from the outward appear- 
ance, because so few tramps are true to them- 
selves or those who favor them. Yet how impor- 
tant that we should follow such with our prayers, 
kind words of encouragement, and admonition. 

August 2yl. — I was permitted to hear my first 
sermon in Grace Church. Rev. M. A. Richards 
preached an impressive discourse from Phil, iii, 
13, 14. I felt grateful to the dear brethren who 
insisted upon my going. Although a suggestion 
made some time before of the imprudence of 
one in my condition attending Church in the 
city made it a cross. But I felt it was my duty 
to go, for I realized that this was a device of 
Satan, who is ever on the alert to keep souls 
from the sanctuary. His temptations in this 
respect are numerous and wonderfully success- 
ful. Many he keeps away altogether. Is it not 
strange that excuses which never interfere with 
business or pleasure can so easily detain the 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 24I 

majority from the house of God? Another snare 
is dress. Many let the tempter — who is eager 
to grasp every soul in his power — keep them 
from services because they have not just what 
they would like to wear. It is alarming to see 
what pride is doing, and how Satan is using this 
terrible weapon in our Churches. A reforma- 
tion in this particular is needed, so that there 
will be more charity of feeling on the part of 
both rich and poor. Then so many will not be 
excluded from Church privileges by sensitiveness 
or criticism. 

In September mother was again called away 
by the serious illness of sister. After her recov- 
ery mother brought her home, and she spent a 
season with us. Soon after this a dear friend of 
Chicago sent for sister Mary to come on and go 
to Louisiana with them. They offered to pay 
all her expenses. As this was the second time 
Mrs. Sutherland invited her to go we could not 
object, for she was like a mother to her. 

During this Fall and Winter our faith was 
often tested. 

"This faith in the dark, 
Pursuing its mark ; 

Through many sharp trials of love, 
Is the sorrowful waste 
That is to be past 

In the way to the Canaan above." 
16 



242 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

In the darkest hour I could sweetly trust and 
let my requests be made known with thanksgiv- 
ing. Although I have been grateful for favors I 
have desired help to come through my own 
labors; and because of this ambition I believe I 
have been led through the path of dependence 
and more fully taught the valuable lesson that — 

"It may not be my way, 
It may not be thy way, 
But, in his own way, 

The Lord will provide." 

Thus each day has had its record of wants 
and blessings. At different times, when the last 
cent was gone and very little or no marketing 
left in the house, our way has been opened in 
answer to prayer three times. I had just been 
talking to Jesus about our needs when sister 
Sanford called, and, without the knowledge of 
our condition, she either purchased the amount, 
or presented just what was necessary to meet 
the present demand. Once sister Barker, of 
Galion, sent two dollars extra for a piece of 
work. Brother Wilkinson came providentially 
to our relief several times. One morning he said, 
''I am going away to-day, but I was so im- 
pressed and exercised about you in prayer that 
I could not leave until I called. I want to pre- 
sent you two dollars." A profitable conversation 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 243 

ensued, and I told him how earnestly I had 
prayed for work to supply our scanty store. On 
a number of occasions, on market mornings, I 
was remembered by some unknown benefactor, 
as also by sister Winters, who has been a faith- 
ful friend indeed. 

One dark season, when I was quite sick, sister 
H. called. After an interview and talk upon 
spiritual things she said, "Now, is there any 
thing I can do for you ? I have some of the 
Lord's money with me, and I am impressed he 
sent me here to give it to you." She ordered 
some work and paid double its value; then 
prayed with me and left me rejoicing in the 
Lord. In like manner Dr P. had a little piece 
of work done and paid treble its value. One 
day Mrs. H. Smith called. I told her it did me 
good to see her, because she reminded me of a 
dear friend. She answered, "Indeed, that is 
why I feel so interested in you. I lost a dear 
invalid friend whom I have greatly missed, and 
I have really longed for some one to take her 
place. I thought of her the first time my friend 
brought me to see you. It will be a pleasure if 
you will give me a little place in your heart for 
her dear sake; let me do for you as I did for 
her; every week, for six years, I had the pleas- 
ure of sending her some little delicacy, not 



244 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

because she needed it, but because she enjoyed 
it. We loved each other as sisters." My heart 
swelled with gratitude to God, who will reward 
such friendship. Sister C. was present. We 
mingled our tears together, and she said, "Praise 
the Lord, Jennie, for such a friend." Since that 
time, now more than a year and a half ago, she 
has remembered me when at home every week. 
Sister Esterbrook has also been a similar friend. 

" Friendship, thy worth has ne'er been told, 
Nor could a seraph it unfold ; 
Sweet solace in affliction's hour 
When storms around us darkly lower." 

About the first of October I was making 
arrangements during mother's absence to get a 
coal stove, but before I had time to accomplish 
my aim I was utterly surprised by sister H. and 
brothers L. and W. having a stove set up in my 
room. I could only express my thanks through 
a flood of tears and ask a blessing upon each one 
who had contributed toward its purchase. That 
same evening the Young Men's Christian Asso- 
ciation held a cottage prayer-meeting in out- 
house. This meeting then started has been kept 
up ever since, and we have evidence that it has 
not been in vain. 

October i$tk. — I had the pleasure of spending 
the day with our faithful friend, brother F. M. 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 245 

Lease. I owe much to him and brother Wil- 
kinson for many privileges enjoyed and favors 
bestowed. The reception of my new "perambu- 
lating cot" was a memorable season. A number 
of kind friends were present, among them our 
new pastor, Dr. T. H. Pearne. After singing 
44 Jesus, lover of my soul," he made an appro- 
priate prayer. When I was moved into my new 
chair all my experience on the old one came up 
before me. It was like parting with a dear 
friend. Having a new box for the limb and a 
new outfit, the change was complete. My suf- 
ferings were severe through the night. The next 
day being Sabbath, I was solemnly impressed. 
My desire was intense to accomplish more on 
this cot than ever before. 

After evening services Dr. P. and a number 
of friends came in, who had a little dedication 
service. A blessing was invoked upon every 
one living who had ever given even a cup of 
cold water on the old chair. The inventor, A. 
W. Richards, of Indianola, Iowa, who is himself 
an invalid, with all the invalids who need such a 
cot, and the donors, were all remembered with 
earnest prayer. My cot was the first made be- 
sides the inventor's. It is a complete success. 
Oh how I have wished every sufferer could have 
one! I am under great obligations to Mrs. Dr. 



246 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

Crawford, Rev. M. A. Richards, and brother 
Lease for their persevering effort to complete this 
undertaking. 

I was delighted with my first ride in it to 
think one person could take me out and manage 
it. I was taken by brother L. to see the Christ- 
mas-tree at Grace Church. I understand that 
arrangements have been made to manufacture 
the cots here in Dayton. The day was pleasant, 
and I felt a deep interest in witnessing the poor 
boys' breakfast provided by the Youths' Branch 
of the Young Men's Christian Association. 
Some two or three hundred hungry children were 
fed at their tables. 

I was at this time unusually impressed re- 
garding a number of unanswered letters. I felt 
in the morning, if I was able, I would procure 
a writing-desk and writing materials, but I had 
not expressed my thoughts to any one except to 
Jesus only, whom I asked to open my way if it 
was duty to write those letters. Before night I 
had the evidence that it was his will, for he 
surely put it into Mrs. F. 's heart to present, 
through little Nellie, a Christmas gift of a well- 
filled writing-desk and one dollar for postage- 
stamps. Then Mrs. Brown presented me several 
useful articles and Mrs. H. Smith a beautiful 
wrapper. Could I doubt the promises made to 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 247 

believing prayer or the permission to commit 
all our li 
wisdom ? 



all our little affairs to a living God of infinite 



"Sing, pray, and swerve not from his ways, 
But do thine own part faithfully; 

Trust his rich promises of grace, 
So shall they be fulfilled in thee; 

God never yet forsook at need 

The soul that trusted him indeed." 

The same day a little boy brought me a note 
with five dollars inclosed. I did not get the 
name of the donor, who had indeed made it "a 
merry Christmas," for this sum just completed a 
bill we had made every effort to meet. 

The last evening of the old year, 1874, we had 
a prayer-meeting long to be remembered. In 
February, 1875, I took a violent cold, which 
affected my general health for some months. 
During the Winter our faith was more than ever 
confirmed in the promptings of the Holy Spirit 
to pray for certain souls. After being drawn 
out in prayer for several years with scarcely any 
encouragement, letters came at last telling of 
their conversions. One was an aged man; 
the others were inebriates, who were not only 
saved from the appetite of drink, but also of 
tobacco. 

I feel constrained to give one incident. I was 
so exercised about an individual that I improved 



248 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

the opportunity, when he called at the door on 
business in a hurry, to say: 

"Mr. W., you must come in a moment; I 
want to get acquainted with you." 

I at once expressed my interest in his spiritual 
welfare, and referred as he spoke of trouble and 
anxiety to the Source of all comfort. He an- 
swered : 

"Yes, I know about this refuge. Many years 
ago I was a professor; but I strayed so far out 
of the narrow way that I tried to run into in- 
fidelity. But past experience and all nature 
taught me better. I have now come to the con- 
clusion that for a man who has lived as I once 
did, and then become as wicked and sinned 
against light and knowledge as I have done, 
there is but little hope." 

We had an earnest talk. He promised to 
think of the matter seriously, and it proved the 
breaking up of fallow ground in his heart. In 
the course of the next conversation which we 
had, he said: 

"I once heard a minister preach on procrasti- 
nation. He dwelt upon the inconsistency of a 
man giving his time and influence to the enemy 
until the candle of life was nearly burned out, and 
then giving as it were the snuff to the Lord. For 
me to come out now I feel would be doing the 



REMOVAL TO DAYTON. 249 

same thing, for the candle is nearly burned to the 
socket." 

I assured him there was enough left, if with- 
out delay it was well trimmed, to burn brightly 
for Jesus; but he must beware of the tempter's 
argument about procrastination — to put off until 
a more convenient season. The interview was 
closed with an affecting season of prayer. The 
next day he came in, saying: 

"I am so happy. My peace, I feel, is made 
with God. I do praise the Lord for leading you 
to speak to me so earnestly on the subject. By 
so doing, you are the instrument of my salva- 
tion. Were it not for your entreaty, I would 
not now enjoy what I do." 

He afterward told me one strong evidence of 
his heart's being changed was the great love he 
had for an enemy whom before he could have 
pierced with a dagger. 




Chapter' XXI. 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 

" Leave God to order all thy ways, 
And hope in him whate'er betide; 
Thou 'It find him in the evil days 

Thy all-sufficient strength and guide. 
Who trusts in God's unchanging love 
Builds on the rock that naught can move." 









HIS Spring we were again made to see 
in a peculiar manner the leadings of 
* Providence in the change it Avas neces- 
sary to make. The morning we had to 
decide the matter mother received a tele- 
gram to come immediately with Walter, 
as his mamma was again very low. 

Dear mother looked feeble and care-worn; 
but after a few moments she said: 

"We must dispatch for Fannie. It looks 
dark, yet we can not doubt, for as our day is 
so shall our strength be. Times without num- 
bers have we been sustained in casting our bur- 

250 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 25 I 

dens upon the Lord, who surely is our refuge in 
trouble. " 

Before. our dear little five-year old pet left us, 
after making several requests, he threw his loving 
arms about my neck, saying : 

"Aunt Jennie, there is something else you 
must do, and I do n't want you to forget it. I 
want you always to ask Jesus to make me a good 
boy. I w r ant you to do that worser than all 
other things." 

On Sabbath it was snowing very hard when he 
returned from Sunday-school. He said, seriously: 

"Grandma, don't you think the Lord was 
very good not to let me get snowed under?" 

It was evident he was impressed with what 
he heard at Sabbath-school. After he went to 
bed he was unusually restless until he came to 
me, saying, with a full heart: 

"I want to whisper something to you. The 
next time you pray, do ask Jesus to make me a 
better boy." 

Not long since, in answer to the childish in- 
quiries, I asked if he knew zvkat sin was. 

"Why, that," he answered," is to do bad 
things. Why, Aunt Jennie, every little bad we 
do makes a black place on our hearts. They '11 
get all black and dirty, and nobody can make 
them clean but Jesus." 



252 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

I simply mention this, because there is a lack 
of faith in the minds of many regarding the im- 
pressions made upon the minds of children. 
Could we, who come in contact with the tender 
plants to be trained up in paths of righteous- 
ness, but realize how susceptible they are to the 
impressions made upon their characters by our 
daily life of acts and words, would we not be 
more careful and more patient to answer their 
simple questions ? We might thus turn the 
little thoughts and feelings into a channel of 
usefulness. I was impressed on this point from 
reading Dr. M'Carty's "Inside the -Gates," re- 
cently issued by the Methodist Book Concern. 
I give a few extracts from it: 

"Little things in a child's life influence its 
future. A blow undeserved, a cold turning 
away from its childish questions, a want of sym- 
pathy in its troubles, may send it away into sol- 
itude and grief, with a wonder in its mind what 
life means, and for what purpose it was created. 
A child's trouble is not a small thing to its sen- 
sitive soul. It comes to you with tearful eyes, 
and a heart throbbing with distress, because of 
some little hurt, as the loss of a penny, or the 
breaking of a cherished toy. It is indeed a 
trifling thing to you, the mature man or woman; 
but to the little one it is an appalling disaster. 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 253 

Oh, remember that the dear children need sym- 
pathy, just as much as you do when great waves 
of anguish sweep over your soul." 

"Too much stress can not be laid upon the 
early influence and teachings of home. A word 
fastened in a sure place may give direction to a 
life, and thus set in motion a train of good in- 
fluences that Avill never cease. Dropped in 
faith, the sunshine of God's providence will take 
care of the germination of the good seed. 
Many a deed done, and word spoken through 
the good spirit of the moment, are forgotten by 
us ; but God always remembers to bless the 
precious seed sown in the heart-soil." 

The Bible declares, "Cast thy bread upon 
the waters, and thou shalt find it after many 
days." 

"Some word may lift the shadow from the past, 
So long by sin and bitter shame o'ercast, 
And show in early life some sunny spot, 
Where still a mother's prayers are unforgot." 

My health had not permitted attending church 
for some months, until, March 14th, my kind 
friends, brothers Heath and T. insisted upon 
my hearing Rev. Mr. M'Clellan, who preached 
an affecting sermon from Job xxiii, 3. The 
previous Thursday, after mother had gone, we 
found it would be necessary to move before her 



254 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

return. There was much to be done. With 
limited means, and sister's lame arm, we could 
only look to the Source from whence our 
strength surely comes. We were greatly helped 
and directed by divine power. Our hearts were 
cheered in the darkest hours by the conversa- 
tions and prayers of brother M'Nary and our 
pastor. 

Saturday night, while reviewing the week, 
my reflections were serious. I was deeply im- 
pressed with my own unworthiness, and the sol- 
emn thought that we must give an account of 
our opportunities. During one day thirty-five 
pel-sons had been in my room. Some of their 
calls w^ere special blessings, and not one was in 
vain. Lessons were gleaned from each; but I 
felt I had not warned those out of Christ faith- 
fully. . The review of that night was sacred. I 
was enabled to commit every care of the coming 
week into my Father's hands. 

During the exercises of the Sabbath, although 
suffering in body and with toothache, I realized 
what a resting-place we have in faith's way. 
My peace flowed as a river. I felt I would not 
exchange the hope of heaven and what I enjoyed 
for all the wealth of Dayton. Between the 
services I had a precious season alone with Jesus, 
and then enjoyed the class of brother S. and the 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 255 

practical discourse of Dr. Pearne on saying and 
doing, Matthew xxviii, 31. 

As I spent almost a sleepless night with my 
tooth, Monday morning found me weak and 
weary physically, but with a sweet calm within 
my soul. I felt thankful that I did not have to 
take back the wearing cares that I had com- 
mitted into the hands of him who is indeed a 

« 

burden -bearer. "Come unto me, all ye that 
labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you 
rest," says Jesus. I feel this implies the burden 
of temporal things, as well as those of the sin- 
sick soul. 

I spent the day we moved at Mrs. D.'s. In 
the evening brother T. took me to Grace Church) 
where I heard Mrs. Frame deliver a profitable 
address-. On going from there to our new home 
on Second Street, I was surprised to see sister's 
new carpet down, and things nicely arranged. 
The dear friends sang, and my heart said, 

"Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;" 

and the day closed with prayer by brother M. 

Not long after this we were surprised to see 
Mrs. H. of Boston, who we supposed was dead. 

I was thankful to welcome our dear mother 
and Walter home again. We now had a pleas- 
ant location for business, and I felt the necessity 



256 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

of making more effort with our work. I was 
ambitious to succeed, and commenced, in addi- 
tion to crochet -work, a little trade, which I 
hoped with efficient help I would be able to 
carry on, and still have time to devote to other 
duties. I was greatly favored in my undertak- 
ings by the kindness of Mr. M. B. Parmelee. 
My time was so taken up that no uninterrupted 
opportunity was given to get manuscript ready 
for Miss M'R. or Miss ML', who kindly offered 
to copy for me. 

In April I was favored with a pleasant and 
profitable visit from Miss Lizzie Boyd, of Wheel- 
ing, West Va. I was permitted to enjoy with 
her the regular meetings for the promotion of 
holiness. This was to me an unusual privilege. 

May 4th. — On the anniversary of our coming 
to Dayton, Sister Fannie and I started to see 
our sister. It seemed strange that I should meet 
on the train, and at the stations, friends that we 
met this day one year before. I spent a brief 
and pleasant season at Urbana, with brother 
Happersett's family, where I met a number of 
dear friends. At Bellefontaine kind friends were 
waiting to convey me to brother H.'s, whose 
home I had visited in Spring Hills, years ago. 
On Sunday I was permitted to hear my former 
pastor, at the dear old church where so many 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 257 

precious memories dwell, and also to enjoy the 
Sunday-school and class, which will ever hold a 
warm place in my heart. After remaining at my 
kind physician's, Dr. Sherburn's, until Monday P. 
M., I was taken to brother Koogles. While 
visiting at this home I had a new photograph of 
myself taken, with the new cot upon which I 
was reclining. At the photographic gallery I 
was surprised to see brother, who informed me 
that Mr. T. 's mill was burned by lightning. 
This was sad news; but I felt grateful that his 
life was spared, although he lost every thing. 

After spending a pleasant night at brother 
M.'s, I was taken to brother Plank's, in the coun- 
try, where I rested several days, and had a visit 
with my Ornish friends, whose kindness I could 
not forget. They took me on to Spring Hills. 
A message which had been sent for me to come 
in haste had not reached me, and I was not 
aware of sister's dangerous condition, or that 
mother was there, until just- as we reached the 
door. Brother P. said: "Why, there's your 
mother!" I was startled by her voice as she 
'said: "Don't get excited; Sallie is very low; 
be calm, both for your own and her sake." It 
was affecting, as they set me down and rolled 
my cot to her side, where I could kiss her. She 
knew me, but that was all. For several days she 

17 



258 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

hung between life and death before a change 
took place for the better. It was sad to see her 
helpless little family thus deprived of the care of 
their mother. 

Coming back to our old home, where we had 
witnessed so many scenes of suffering, brought 
the past vividly to mind. Every thing seemed 
so natural. I spent several weeks here, and had 
the pleasure of meeting many dear friends and 
visiting the dear old churches and Sabbath- 
schools. The changes which had taken place in 
the community were more visible here than 
elsewhere. 

It was a sore trial to leave my dear afflicted 
sister, who is still a greater sufferer than I am. 
But duty called me home. As I suffered more 
than usual from traveling, I remained, Thursday 
night, at brother C. Smith's, at Glady Creek. It 
was a rich treat to be in the country where I 
could enjoy the beautiful landscape spread out 
before me. I had not spent a season in the 
country for fourteen years until on this trip. 
Friday I was taken by brother S. to B. F. 
Henkle's, of West Liberty, where I remained 
until Saturday noon. I arrived at Urbana very 
much fatigued, and found sister Talbot waiting to 
convey me to her home. She had arranged for 
me to stop with them and visit the Mission Sab- 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 259 

bath-school. I fully appreciated this privilege, 
for I have felt a deep interest in this school from 
its beginning. It has been the means of bring- 
ing a great number into the fold of Christ, some 
of whom have died triumphant deaths. It is 
evident the hand of the Lord has been with 
them. They had a hard struggle for several 
years, being moved from place to place to wor- 
ship ; but they persevered, with an eye single to 
the glory of God, and their labors have at length 
been crowned with success. After one of their 
most earnest workers fell asleep in Jesus, his 
father built a chapel, dedicated to this mission, 
in memory of his son, for whom it was named 
the ''Howard Weaver Mission." Through the 
kindness of the Urbana friends I have been 
able to present the reader a view of this chapel. 
I am glad to learn that over one hundred souls 
have been converted in this place, during only 
four months of last year. 

I am well aware that all missionary workers, 
both at home and abroad, have many tests of 
their faith, and much opposition to contend with; 
but eternity will reveal what they have accom- 
plished for the blessed Master in looking after 
the poor, the neglected, and often forsaken souls. 

"A crown of life may they obtain, 
From their Redeemer's hands." 



26o THE VALLEY OE BACA. 

Soon after my return home I came very near 
having a paralytic stroke, which, to some extent, 
disabled my left side. It required an effort to 
use my hand. My work has amounted to very 
little since. For several months our faith was 
tried in a peculiar way, yet it did not falter in 
the fulfillment of the promises. We had the 
consciousness of aiming to do as we would wish 
to be done by, and therefore believed the Lord 
would overrule even an error of the judgment if 
we would trust him fully. "Blessed be the 
Lord God, the God of Israel, who only doeth 
wondrous things." (Psalm lxxii, 18.) 

June $tk. — After spending a pleasant day at 
brother H.'s, I was taken to the new building of 
the Young Men's Christian Association, to a 
prayer-meeting, that was a feast to the soul. 

July 2d. — The Woman's Christian Association 
had an English "Breakfast Meeting" for the 
benefit of the Widows' Home. Through the 
kindness of Rev. Dr. P. and Rev. Dr. E., I was 
enabled to enjoy this festival. Here I was bene- 
fited by a conversation with Rev. Messrs. Chap- 
man, Robinson, and others, and was also taught 
valuable lessons from observation. All was ex- 
citement, preparing for the great celebration. It 
was a sight to see the flags; the city seemd to 
revel in red, white, and blue. The decorations 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 26l 

were beautiful, as every business man seemed 
trying to rival or surpass his neighbor. 

Saturday, July 3d. — The crowd was immense. 
After the grand procession of the Ancient Order 
of United Mechanics had gone by, I was left to 
my own reflections for a season. In reviewing 
the past and counting up our blessings as a 
nation and as individuals, I saw, in a new light, 
what a privileged people we are in this land of 
light and liberty. As I recall the history of my 
native country for the past century, and mark its 
-amazing progress in politics, science, religion, and 
every thing that makes up a nation's greatness 
and glory, my soul exclaims, Behold, what hath 
God wrought! Great changes have taken place 
during the last half century. The partition walls 
of Churches have been lowered, and it is beauti- 
ful to see the ministers of different denominations 
uniting together or exchanging pulpits. 

July nth. — I had the pleasure of hearing Rev. 
T. T. Everett, a Lutheran clergyman, preach, in 
Third Street Presbyterian Church, a thrilling ser- 
mon on the character of Job. He showed how 
God regarded him as a perfect and upright man; 
how Satan considered him as a selfish man, only 
interested in his own welfare ; and how Job es- 
teemed himself as a weak and dependent crea- 
ture, owing all the good he enjoyed, and all 



262 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

prospective bliss, to God. The preacher traced 
the progress of Job's sufferings, and showed that 
through all his buffetings by Satan he maintained 
his integrity before God, and exclaimed, "Though 
he slay me, yet will I trust in* him." Satan was 
baffled, and God vindicated, in Job's triumph. 
Alan}' lessons of consolation and encouragement 
are drawn from Job's experience. I am satisfied 
there is a purpose in every trial and disappoint- 
ment of life, though we may not now see it. 

For some time I was exercised as never before 
concerning this work which constantly presented 
itself to me as a matter of duty. Yet I was so 
feeble it seemed impossible to do any thing 
outside of filling orders. My time was more and 
more taken up with the work which I felt must 
be done in order to make ends meet. Finally, 
I was completely shut up in my little trade. I 
was convinced that if I did not yield and go to 
work in earnest with the narrative every thing I 
laid my hand to would fail. As I could not 
write undisturbed at home, I begged of the Lord 
to open my way and lead me where I could 
have time and opportunity to accomplish the 
work; and if we had to live on bread and water 
I would endeavor to clo his will and glorify his 
grace by giving to the world this simple story of 
suffering and triumph. 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 263 

I had had several invitations to go to the. 
country, but to places where I could not be 
much more retired than at home. Unexpectedly 
I received a pressing invitation to spend the 
Summer with my Ornish friends. My strength 
was failing so rapidly that a change of atmos- 
phere seemed necessary. I was making arrange- 
ments to go to the country when the time" came 
for the Embury Park Camp-meeting at Dayton. 
This meeting is managed by the Local Preach- 
ers' Association of the Cincinnati Conference. 

Embury Park is a lovely place, for it lies 
high and seems designed by nature for a camp. 
We had so much rain that I scarcely indulged 
a thought of going until the duty was brought 
before me in a way that I could not doubt my 
Father's will. I knew I must render myself 
liable to severe censure, for it certainly did 
look imprudent. Appearances indicated that 
w r e should have pleasant weather during the 
afternoon that brother H. took me out; but 
that night we had a terrific storm. Still I rested 
sweetly. The next day Dr. P. said to me: 

"I am glad you are here, and to know 
that your faith is strong. Now let the faithless 
ones see how the Lord is able to take care of his 
children under every circumstance while they 
are in the discharge of their duty." 



264 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

I was in a wonderful manner answered. 
"Those that are constant to God in ways of 
duty shall find him constant to them in ways 
of mercy." I began to improve immediately. 
The rain continued several days, and I was re- 
moved from our tent into the cottage of sister 
Davis, who made it a delightful place. I re- 
gained my appetite and could sleep as I had not 
done for months. I did not get out to services 
for some days, but we had many precious sea- 
sons in the cottage. The first sermon I heard 
was by brother Kendall from the text, ' ' We 
walk by faith, not by sight." It was excellent. 
Then the Word was sealed by an exhortation 
from brother Leonard. The rain continued until 
the waters were so high that all communication 
was cut off from the city. The excitement there 
was greater than in camp, as they feared supplies 
would be cut off. It was impressive and we 
trust profitable to many souls. I heard one 
good brother who has plenty of this world's 
goods say: 

"Don't be alarmed; there is plenty and to 
spare. I think it would do some of us good if 
we should come to the place where we would 
have to divide the last loaf." 

Wednesday was a beautiful day. The sun 
was never more welcome. All nature with the 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 265 

inhabitants of the camp seemed to be rejoicing. 
Quite early the bell called the tent-holders to- 
gether, who, by a unanimous vote, agreed to 
continue the meeting a week longer. I spent 
pleasant and profitable seasons in the union tent 
and tabernacle, where I remained between serv- 
ices. I heard many excellent sermons. This 
was to me an unusual camp-meeting. Sister 
Wood and I were both "indisposed the evening 
the Lord's-supper was administered, but brothers 
Gunn, Hopkins, and others came to our tent, 
where we were permitted to enjoy the privilege, 
long to be remembered, of commemorating the 
sufferings of our dear Savior. 

Many incidents occurred to teach valuable 
lessons. After an affecting service, brother J. 
took me to the tent of Professor G. to enjoy a 
treat of music. Here we took the parting hand 
of a number whose ministry called them else- 
where. While singing "I'll be there," I fully 
realized I would be there, not on a cot with a 
suffering body, but with a glorified body, to 
mingle forever with the redeemed in heaven. 

" Immortality o'ersweeps 
All pains, all tears, all time, all fears, and peals, 
Like the eternal thunders of the deep, 
Into my ears this truth — thou liv'st forever." 

Tears of joyful anticipation flowed from my 



266 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

eyes. A mother brought a little girl to me, 
saying : 

"She wants to know why you and all the 
people are weeping." 

I imprinted a kiss upon her lips, saying: 

"Why, my dear, they are tears of joy. Did 
you think people were always sad when they 
weep ?" 

With her bright eyes full of meaning, she 
answered : 

"Why, yes, ma'am." 

I told her I was not sad or sorry, but happy 
because I loved Jesus, and was so glad that 
some time I was going to heaven to live with 
him. I here received another surprise. My 
pastor presented, me in behalf of the people, a 
sufficient amount to pay my expenses and six- 
teen dollars over; afterward brother T. gave two 
dollars. This enabled me to meet several de- 
mands and opened my way to go to the country. 

I remained at brother A.'s two days after the 
meeting closed. It was a most enchanting place 
after the crowd was gone, such a holy quiet 
reigned around. I felt loath to leave the lovely 
place. 

A few days before the meeting commenced 
there was added to the family of the watchman 
of the camp, Mr. Gramm, a little daughter. 



GOD KNOWS BEST. 267 

Being born on the ground, it was suggested 
during the meeting that her name be called 
"Mary Embury," and accordingly she was bap- 
tized with that name by Rev. S. Scott, Secretary 
of the Camp-meeting Association. On Sabbath 
evening, August 22d, a number of the brethren 
and sisters came in and spent a season of sing- 
ing and closed with prayer. On Monday I took 
the train for Kennard, a station beyond Urbana, 
where I found kind friends waiting for me. The 
ride was very severe and I suffered intensely. 
Yet my sufferings in traveling on the cars have 
always, with one exception, been alleviated by 
the .kindness of the railroad men. 

As I am compelled to travel in the baggage- 
car on account of my cot, I have had ample op- 
portunity to test the hearts of those men, who 
some think are void of feeling. I must say 
they are, with few exceptions, a most kind- 
hearted and obliging set of men. Although 
they may resent it at first, I am satisfied they 
appreciate any true interest in their eternal 
welfare. 

I have seen the time when I was so impressed 
I could not refrain from speaking to a man about 
his soul's salvation, though I did not know but 
I should be cursed for it. Yet, in view of his 
danger, I felt fearless and lost all scruples as to 



268 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

my position. I looked to Jesus for strength, and 
before I left the car that man, with tearful eyes, 
thanked me as he grasped my hand, saying, 
14 Would to God more Christians would deal 
with us as patiently and perseveringly. " If social 
and reading-rooms were established at all points 
where the hands who are off duty could have a 
pleasant lounging place of their own, scores of 
souls might be saved from temptation and ruin. 
Through conversation with such persons I have 
been impressed with the thought of the priva- 
tions which the public demand from railroad 
hands, street-car drivers and conductors, livery 
men, firemen, policemen, and others, including 
domestic servants ; and I fear we, as a Christian 
people, are not as charitable and do not feel the 
interest and sympathy we should for those whose 
occupations necessarily deprive them of Sabbath 
privileges. Many of their hearts yearn for more 
congenial things. Let us pray for them. 



£*K 




dlfaptef XXII. 



LABOR AND REST. 

'Go work in My vineyard, there's plenty to do; 
The harvest is great and the laborers are few; 
There's weeding and fencing and clearing of roots 

And plowing and sowing and gathering the fruits. 
There are foxes to take, there are wolves to destroy, 
All ages and ranks I can fully employ. 
I have sheep to be tended and lambs to be fed. 
The lost must be gathered, the weary ones led." 




I have been too stupid 



^UGUST 31, 1875. — "Uphold me with 
^ Thy free spirit" is the cry of my heart 



c3't<2f "* 1S mornm g 
sywjp and tired to do much, but I trust this pecul- 
iar feeling in my head will soon be better, 
* as it unfits me for work. 
It seems so home-like here with my dear 
friends. I have a pleasant, quiet room where I 
can be alone to write. Brother L. feels I must 
spend part of the time with his family. These 
doors have surely been opened by Providence. 
I can not doubt it. May the Holy Spirit help 



270 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

my infirmities, for I feel my utter weakness and 
ignorance. The work before me seems insur- 
mountable, and I can not feel it will be interest- 
ing to those who may read it. I have been so 
sorely tempted on this point I must have a spe- 
cial blessing for the work. How it would help 
me if I could know the dear ones in Christian 
love were praying for me ! 

As I opened my precious Bible I was strength- 
ened by turning directly to the divine assurance 
of 1 Cor. i, 27, ''But God hath chosen the fool- 
ish things of the world to confound the wise ; 
and God hath chosen the weak things of the 
world to confound the things which are mighty. " 
In my weakness I went to work, leaning entirely 
upon the strong arm. Almost every day we had 
more or less company. So I seldom had any time 
except the forenoons to myself. Here I met dear 
friends and made many pleasant acquaintances. 
I was delighted with the country. The fresh air 
soon improved my health, and I enjoyed many 
treats we do not have in the city. One lovely 
morning brother Yoder took me out to the barn 
to see a steam thrashing machine in operation. 

September 16th. — "All things whatsoever ye 
shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." 
(Matt, xxi, 22.) I know prevalence in prayer is 
conditioned on the conformity of our souls to the 



LABOR AND REST. 27 1 

will of God. I felt this morning that it is accord- 
ing to His will that I may be delivered from 
debt. I have heretofore made such great mis- 
takes in my investments, especially with flatter- 
ing agencies. I trust I shall be able to sell all 
the books and work I have with me in order to 
settle the bills of Dr. H., of New York, and 
Mr. G., of Philadelphia. Brother Yoder's father 
presented me five dollars to-day, and a few made 
purchases. 

September 22d. — I am at brother Lantye's, 
having come over here yesterday. This is a 
beautiful place ; and, as at brother Yoder's, very 
pleasant. I still remember my first tea in this 
home. Sister L. had grandma L., who is eighty- 
one, to take tea with me in my room. It re- 
minded us of the centennial, as we drank our 
tea from a china set that was presented to her 
mother when only eight years old, and to the 
knowledge of those living the set had never been 
used before. I have a better opportunity for 
writing here as it is more retired. Brother D. 
spent the evening with us. 

October $th. — O thou source of all my 
strength, wisdom, and happiness, the object of 
my longing desires, bind me closer to thyself; 
accomplish thine own work in my soul this day. 
The Ornish brethren had their sacramental serv- 



272 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

ices yesterday. A great many came here for 
tea, and several remained all night. I am thank- 
ful my dear mother could come and spend one 
night with me. Sister is better, so she will soon 
be able to return home. We had a solemn 
season at worship. I remained in the parlor. 
Though this is a pleasant room, I enjoy the sit- 
ting-room most, for there the view of sunrise is 
so grand. How I do enjoy 

"The rush of early morning 

When the red burns through the gray, 
And the dusky world lies waiting 
For the glory of the day." 

October 24th. — I was not so well this morning, 
having had a restless night. The dear friends 
here are very kind. They felt it would do me 
good to get out in the fresh air, so they run me 
down to the grove. I have not had such a treat 
for years. Nature is now all arrayed in beauty. 
I love to see the varied tints of Autumn. Yet 
what an emblem they are of fleeting life. The 
surrounding landscape, with buildings dotting 
here and there for several miles, makes a grand 
scenery. When they took me to the barn, where 
they were milking, it was amusing to see the- 
cattle, horses, and fowls. It was evident they 
were not accustomed to such visitors. I Felt 
refreshed by this morning's airing. I often think 



LABOR AND REST. 273 

if we had to purchase the privilege of enjoying 
the scenery of nature it would be more noticed 
and appreciated. So it would be with multi- 
tudes of common blessings. I surely have been 
a petted baby to-day, and such they enjoy call- 
ing me. 

November \%th. — A letter brings good news 
from my precious brother. I am thankful he has 
obtained a situation where I do trust his health 
will improve. I was just beginning my work 
when brother S. P. M., of B., called. We had 
a refreshing season. He said he was laboring 
under a spiritual cloud, and proposed reading 
of 1 John, fifth chapter, a portion of Scripture so 
full of food. By request I prayed, and he then 
followed with a prayer that brought a special 
blessing. On leaving he wrote on his card, 
' ' My heart says, Thank God, take courage, and 
go on." 

I have had more liberty than usual in writ- 
ing. When I accomplish but little in a day I 
sometimes feel the time is lost. Yet when I 
think the Lord is able to bless even one little 
sentence to the good of some soul, my heart, 
too, says, take courage and go on. Brother L. 
is progressing nicely with the copying, and this 
is no small task. I am highly favored, for he 
writes a good hand. We all feel sad as the time 

18 



274 TIIE VALLEY OF BACA. 

of parting draws near. I promised to go back 
to-morrow, Providence permitting, and spend a 
'brief season at brother Yoder's. They have been 
sorely afflicted. I desire to be a comfort to them 
that have done so much for me. I want to 
make each one, sisters L. and Y. L. a bouquet 
of wax flowers as a memento of the pleasant 
seasons we have spent together. I have already 
finished sister F.'s. 

November 2$th. — Again our great national 
Thanksgiving is at hand. Little did I expect 
to be in the country so long. But time never 
passed more rapidly, and I have had a sweet 
consciousness that I am just where, and doing 
just what, the dear Lord wills. Oh that God's 
blessing may rest upon our nation through the 
many prayers and thanksgivings that ascend to 
the throne this day. May the interests of Christ's 
cause be promoted by the impressions made 
upon the hearts of our statesmen, the President 
and his cabinet, and all who hold offices of profit 
or of trust throughout the land. I just received 
a letter from Mother Stewart. She will soon 
start for England and Scotland to lecture on tem- 
perance. May she have words given her that 
shall be fitly spoken, and then eternity will tell 
the result. I feel with her that our covenants 
in prayer are sacred, and will be effectual if we 



LABOR AND REST. 275 

are faithful to the promises. One of our sub- 
jects, who had given up the business of selling 
liquors, has returned to the traffic. Yet our 
faith and hope is strong. It is sad to see men 
who have not yet been converted, and are not 
sustained by divine grace, go back to the busi- 
ness just because they have not the patronage of 
the temperance people in an honorable business. 

There were services at the Ornish Church to- 
day, and several of the friends will remain all 
night. I am thankful I came back here. This 
has been to me an eventful day. 

Saturday, November 27th — I have been much 
impressed with the saying, "The five loaves 
and two fishes with Christ's blessing supplied the 
multitude more abundantly than two hundred 
pennies' worth would have done without the 
touch of Christ's hand. So small talents and 
small opportunities, baptized with Christian ear- 
nestness, will do more for God than great talents 
and promising opportunities without it." How 
this encourages our hearts to be more earnest in 
the little things of life! 

The dear baby of the household where I stay 
is suffering greatly, and yet it will be a sore 
trial for them to give it up. May they realize, 
w r hatever be the result, that grace is sufficient. 
What comfort we find in the Word under all 



276 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

circumstances. Mother has been called to sister's 
sick bed again. She had been home only a 
short time, and I shall have to return home 
myself before my work is finished. 

Sunday t November 28///. — This was a day of 
special blessings. I spent it at the Ornish 
Church. The services being part German, I 
could not understand all. Yet I felt we were all 
one in heart and spirit. At noon several Urbana 
friends, workers in the Sunday-school, came out 
to enjoy the Sabbath-school here. We all felt 
it was a beautiful sight to see this plain, neat 
church and the congregation correspond together. 
We were reminded of the times when other de- 
nominations could be designated by their dress. 
The remarks of brother T. were surely not out 
of place when he admonished the young people 
to adhere to the rules of this Church and not 
let pride drive them from the old landmarks. 

This night the angel of death took the spirit 
of the little sufferer and transplanted the tender 
bud into the garden of Paradise, 

"Where fragrant flowers immortal bloom 
And joys supreme are given.'' 

The sight of death appeals to the most sacred 
feelings of our nature. The death-chamber opens 
not only on the past, but also upon the future. 



LABOR AND REST. 277 

It is the point where the two histories of a soul 
are linked together — that of time and of eter- 
nity. The shadows of life melt into the light 
of eternity at the place where death triumphs 
over nature. I spent an impressive and pleas- 
ant season with the dear bereaved family, and 
then returned to brother L. 's. 

During the last few days I accomplished more 
than I had been able to do for some weeks pre- 
vious, but duty called me home before my work 
was finished. On the last evening of my stay in 
the country the parlor w 7 as filled with sweet 
singers, who had given rich treats before. Pro- 
fessor C. and Miss L. H. remained over night 
with us. A great work can be accomplished by 
the young people in the country who cultivate 
their voices, and use them understandingly in 
singing hymns and songs that are full of meaning. 

I was deeply impressed with the reality of 
life's checkered changes. In our last devotions, 
before leaving the dear families who had be- 
stowed such great favors, I felt unusually sol- 
emn. Their kindness, and the pleasant and 
profitable associations enjoyed in their homes, 
and the favors there bestowed by others, will 
ever have a place in grateful memory. 

December iSt/i. — I was taken by brother L. 
to brother Talbot's, of Urbana, where I spent a 



2/8 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

brief, but delightful, visit. On Sunday the 
young men held their prayer-meeting at brother 
Y.'s. It was soul-cheering to see so many 
earnest workers, and hear those I have felt an 
interest in for years testify for Jesus. It was a 
day of blessing. How dear are the bonds of 
old friendships! The time was well improved 
by interesting calls. I was much impressed and 
encouraged on Monday by the reading and 
prayer of brother Dart, also the remarks of Rev. 
S. D. Clayton, brother Thompson, and others. 

Tuesday, December 21st. — I took the train for 
home. Brother M., of W., came in. It seemed 
strange, as we had not met for years except in- 
cidentally on the cars. He gave me from one 
to five dollars, without the knowledge of my 
necessities, each time, and it was a marked 
providence. 

January i, 1876. — Our Centennial year, the 
great jubilee of our nation's history. 

"The Lord of earth and sky, 

The God of ages, praise, 
Who reigns enthroned on high, 

Ancient of endless days; 
Whose providence has brought us here, 
And spared us yet another year." 

My heart is indeed filled with praise for all 
that I have enjoyed, or through grace endured, 
during the year now gone. 



LABOR AND REST. 279 

We were reminded by the welcome of the 
New Year that this is the last New-year's day of 
oiii* nation's first century. There must have been 
several hundred bells ringing, besides music of 
different kinds, and the noise of shooting, from 
the booming cannon to the fire-crackers. The 
streets were alive with people at midnight. 

I wonder if this century has witnessed a more 
remarkable New-year's day. It is so warm and 
pleasant we can have the doors open without a 
fire, and people were out without wraps. We 
had many interesting calls, and were much 
pleased to see Dr. P. and wife. She sang a 
hymn, and then he engaged in prayer with us. 
Mr. R. invited me to take dinner with him. He 
had a delicious repast sent in from the hotel. 
How I do appreciate these little remembrances ! 
He is always so mindful of the afflicted. Mr. 
Smith brought a treat. The kindness of his 
family is wonderful; they never forget me on 
Saturday. But I am always at a loss to find 
words to express my feelings of gratitnde. 

January 6th. — It has seemed like Spring to- 
day. I have not been as well for several days. 
My soul sweetly relies on the strong arm, and 
has been filled with praise for special blessings 
bestowed. The dear friends, brother Y. and 
brother L. , not only cared for me gratis, but 



28o THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

have each sent a box of provisions. Brother 
L. 's has just come. There was much in it that 
we really need ; for work is so scarce these are 
trying times. Many can not get any thing to 
do. Each day this week some have been in 
who say they have never been entirely out of 
all employment before. Oh, how much we have 
to be grateful for! Our Father, who knoweth 
our needs, will reward those who have supplied 
them. 

A letter from dear mother states sister is 
some better, but not able for her to leave. We 
long to see her; yet we know dear sister needs 
her more than we do. 

Sunday, January \6tJi. — I awoke very early, 
and felt an unusual desire to attend the love- 
feast held by the Convention for the Promotion 
of Holiness ; yet down in my heart I desired to 
be perfectly resigned to go or stay. So I left it 
with the Lord to direct. At eight o'clock A. 
M. brother T. (what a friend he is !) came for 
me. We had a glorious meeting ; many visitors 
were present. The day, throughout, was a re- 
minder of the future store of joys. I saw 
brother D., who knew me in childhood, and 
whom I have not met since I was afflicted. 

Friday, January 21st. — Sister P. called. She 
feels that there is too little interest manifested 



LABOR AND REST. 28 I 

in those who have fallen by intemperance and 
other vices. It seems, as she says, that "the 
value of souls is too much estimated by circum- 
stances, and many do not prove faithful after 
they do unite with the Church, simply because 
there is not the kind word or persevering inter- 
est manifested that will aid them to become es- 
tablished in the narrow path; and when they 
once or twice fall there is too much of an incli- 
nation to give them up, instead of encouraging 
them to try again." I am thankful "those in 
affluence see these things, and will exert their 
influence to promote more interest, especially 
among the neglected. I hear many complaints, 
often from entire strangers. There is power in 
a kind word or even a nod of the head, espe- 
cially in a church or on the street. Great good 
can be accomplished with little effort. 

Brother C, of Galion, then brother L., of 
Cincinnati, and afterward brother M., called, and 
we had a profitable season. They are all young 
men preparing for a useful field of labor in the 
Master's vineyard. 

Saturday, January 22a 1 . — I rested better than 

usual last night. It is wonderful the benefit I 

. receive by going out. After a refreshing season 

in the afternoon at Grace Church, I went with 

father H. to the daily meeting at the Young 



282 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

• 
Men's Christian Association building, where I 

took tea with sister S., and remained for the 
anniversary of the " Youth's branch," addressed 
by Rev. Mr. Russell and Superintendent Sinclair. 
This branch is a training school for more active 
Christian effort in future years. Oh that more 
of the youth could be interested in it ! 

How rejoiced I am in sister's conversion ! 
Another answer to prayer. Although a member 
of the Church, like many others, she lived with- 
out Christ in her heart. I am thankful brother 
B. was directed to Dayton. He was instru- 
mental in arousing her to see her condtion. 
Her face expresses the joy of her heart. 

Saturday, January 2gth. — 

"'Tis Jesus, the first and the last, 

Whose spirit shall guide us safe home; 
I '11 praise him for all that is past, 

And trust him for all that 's to come." 

Last evening I received sad news from dear 
mother. They have kept it from me until a 
change for the better took place. She is still 
very sick with lung fever, but they have encour- 
agement now of recovery. May she be spared 
to us aw T hile longer! They sent to W. for 
Sister Fannie. She found sister and her baby- 
both very sick. They have had a serious time. 
I am thankful I feel better. 



LABOR AND REST. 283 

How I need the quickening power of the 
Spirit to help me improve the little time unin- 
terrupted to write! Brother Gaddis's letter 
greatly encourages my heart to persevere. He 
seems pleased with my manuscript. His health 
will not permit him to edit it, as he hoped to 
do; and others whom he named have not the 
time. The expense of publishing will be great, 
and I can not now see where the means are to 
come from; but I know the Lord has directed this 
work. It is his, and he knows my helplessness ; 
therefore, I can sweetly trust him to provide an 
editor and the means, as well as the strength to 
finish my part and the grace I will need for all 
to come. Could those who read my work 
know the circumstances under which I have 
sketched it, I know they would throw the man- 
tle of charity around that which deserves criti- 
cism. The trial will be severe when the time 
comes to give it to the world. The responsi- 
bility is great. My sympathizing Lord, still 
4 'be thou my strong habitation, whereuntb I 
may continually resort; . . . for thou art 
my rock and my fortress" (Ps. lxxi, 3) in every 
time of trial. Glory and praise be to thy dear 
name for what my poor heart feels! 

Monday, February 28///. — "That ye may prove 
what is that good and acceptable and perfect 



2 84 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

will of God." This is the ambition of my soul — 
to know and do the complete will of my blessed 
Lord. So many duties are pressing upon me 
that I ask for the knowledge of his will in 
this day's work. Saturday we had over thirty 
calls, and sold nothing; yet I trust the time 
was not spent in vain. Each day of the week 
we averaged a dozen calls. Minnie J. brought 
my dinner from the Women's Christian Associa- 
tion entertainment. I just received an encour- 
aging letter, also a gem of a book from Dr. 
Walden, their last work, "Inside the Gates." I 
wish every one could read it. 

Tliursday, Marcli 2d. — I was much hindered, 
to-day, in writing, but we have had a soul-refresh- 
ing prayer-meeting to-night. I must not neglect 
to note the surprise of brother Lantye's visit on 
Tuesday. I was glad to see him. He brought 
a nice treat, besides a lovely medley quilt, pieced 
by my Ornish friends. I feel so weak that I am 
sometimes almost exhausted with the effort of 
trying to work. How I long for mother to come 
home ! I wrote her if she could come by doing 
so to bring the baby with her. How I would 
enjoy seeing my dear little namesake. Sister is 
nearly sick, and I can not but feel uneasy about 
her catarrh. But I must not tax my eyes longer 
to-night. 



LABOR AND REST. 285 

Saturday, March 4th. — Through a kind Provi- 
dence mother returned home and brought sister's 
babe with her. 

On Sabbath, brother spent a season with us, 
which we all enjoyed, after some months' separa- 
tion. Through increased afflictions we were 
made to realize, as we never had opportunity to 
before, that sympathy dwelt in the hearts of the 
Dayton people. We fully appreciate their kind 
offers of assistance in watching and otherwise. 
Several special providences were observed in 
favors bestowed. For some time I was gradually 
going down, but still tried to bear up, until the 
7th I was taken violently ill, and was at once 
prostrated. My sufferings were great indeed. 
The same evening Judge L. softly sang at my 
side the unusually precious words, "More love 
to thee, O Christ." Then he uttered words of 
Scripture comfort and a prayer that brought a 
taste of heaven into my soul. I sank deeper 
into love divine, with perfect submission. I 
could say, Thy will be done; for me to live 
is Christ, to die is gain. For years, when 
being brought so low, I would feel I had not 
yet done my work in having neglected to sketch 
my experience; but now the burden of this was 
gone. As my sufferings increased, it seemed 
that nature could not endure much more, and 



286 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

but little hope for a time was entertained of my 
recovery. But as in the past, it again pleased 
the Healer of all diseases to bless the treatment 
of my kind physician, Dr. Webster, who was 
very attentive. I still suffered, but had taken a 
change for the better, when, one day, my suffer- 
ings increased so rapidly that my body was all 
over pain; every nerve was unstrung, and it 
seemed that if I could put my arms into iron 
bands it would relieve them. My breathing was 
so labored that it caused great pain. While in 
this condition Rev. G., of S., and brother F., 
of Cincinnati, who had missed connection of 
trains, called to see me. Others were present, 
and they were moved to pray for the relief of 
this agony, and at once laid hold of the promises 
with unfaltering faith. 

I never felt the divine presence of our sympa- 
thizing Jesus with more power than during that 
hour of wrestling prayer. It was like the stilling 
of the tempest. My system seemed to relax, 
the terrible twitching of the nerves ceased, and 
the pains subsided to a degree that I could get 
my breath and was comparatively easy. Before 
they left I could speak so as to be heard across 
the room, which I had not done since I was 
taken worse. Those present could not doubt 
this immediate answer to prayer. 



LABOR AND REST. 287 

From that hour I have improved as I have 
not done for years. One remarkable feature is 
the improvement in my eyes. I can see almost 
as well as before I lost my sight. For nearly 
three years I had not been able to use them 
without colored glasses until now, and my eyes 
begin to look natural. Oh what a source of 
thanksgiving! How numerous are the promises 
that assure us "the effectual fervent prayer of a 
righteous man availeth much!" I believe, when 
offered according to the divine will, " the prayer 
of faith shall save the sick." I have been im- 
pressed with a sentence in a recent letter — 
"Why all these promises if not to be realized?" 
Oh that we may be able to use them with more 
appropriating faith! 

Now, dear reader, I have narrated to you 
only a portion of the dispensations of Providence 
which have been allotted to us, and I trust God 
will own and bless my feeble effort to the good 
of some soul. Pray that God may be glorified 
in its publication. This will compensate me for 
all I have suffered in connection with this nar- 
rative. I have aimed to be brief, and have been 
compelled to keep an eye single to the glory of 
God. I have worked for hours with no spiritual 
liberty when trying to put in an incident to 



288 THE VALLEY OF BACA. 

gratify, or endeavoring to leave out things morti- 
fying to the flesh, or that seemed too simple to 
insert. What is not noted here is not forgotten, 
but recorded in the book of remembrance. 
Every little act of kindness from those who have 
cheered suffering hours by sweet song, or who have 
presented a bouquet, a basket of fruit, or any 
little delicacy, is known to Him who noteth even 
the fall of a sparrow. Therefore, I am confident 
each will be rewarded in time or eternity. Many 
have gone to their long homes who have been 
named in these pages. Oh that I may meet 
them all where pain and sorrow shall be felt 
no more! 




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